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4 Bumps

She has to be friends with her abuser...

Nick is not a well behaved child. No one really likes Nick. Despite being only 10, he uses racial slurs and is physically aggressive.
Nick pushed Caleb into Isabelle, she was hit in the face and fell.
Nick has also tripped Isabelle on the school bus.
Nick has made derogatory comments about Isabelles' religion.

Isabelle has spoken to the principal.
Isabelle doesn't like Nick and doesn't want anything to do with Nick.

The principal told Isabelle she needs to have a relationship with Nick.
"Maybe not boyfriend/ girlfriend, but at least friends. Nick needs more friends, he only has two".
(^^ that is a quote from the principal)

We have spoken to the principal(in December) about Nick. We asked that the principal take steps to prevent any more harassment by Nick. His solution is to encourage a relationship.

I think forcing any child, much less a girl, to look at themselves and determine why someone is being abusive towards them sets a dangerous precedent.
Too many women excuse abusive behavior in their partners.
I have not raised a victim, and am furious with the principals' response to the situation.
I will have to talk to him next week.

Any advice?

Because right now, yelling, "You stupid effing idiot"!, is the only thing that comes to mind. And yes, I know, that isn't in anybodys best interest.


Asked by feralxat at 1:55 PM on Mar. 30, 2012 in Tweens (9-12)

Level 45 (195,152 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (11)
  • I can tell you what I did. I can't recommend it OR give any detailed instructions. My oldest son was 11 and went to school with a 14 yr. old special needs boy who was 6'1" and weighed 180 pounds. My son was 4'1" and weighed around 100 pounds. He came home with finger prints around his throat and the Beaver Cleaver dad looking principal had the same solution.

    I disagreed. I did agree not to drag the cops into it unless it happened again. I also told him that my son was told to defend himself if it happened again. I further explained that there are numerous ways to permanently eliminate the problem without even leaving a bruise. "Mr. Cleaver" swallowed his tongue and told me I can't do that ~ and I told him it was already done. The school took immediate steps to keep 14 year old away from my child. And yes, I absolutely DID teach my son one of those 'numerous ways'.

    Answer by Farmlady09 at 3:29 PM on Mar. 30, 2012

  • I'm with 3libras. You tell him on Monday if the bullying doesn't stop you will go to the Superintendant. Telling her she needs to be his friend is ABSURD. Oh yeah..let's teach a 10 yr old that when a man hurts you you suck it up and go back to being his friend. That is incomprehensible to me.

    Answer by GrnEyedGrandma at 2:09 PM on Mar. 30, 2012

  • Go above his head & contact the school board.

    Answer by 3libras at 1:57 PM on Mar. 30, 2012

  • If Nick is assaulting her on more then one occasion I'd call the police and look into a stay away order... I'd let the principal know that is ging to make life very tough on the school!! And agree with above... go over his head... he sounds incompetent!!


    Answer by Crafty26 at 2:13 PM on Mar. 30, 2012

  • .... also... what if the school systems bulling policy??? I would think that applies here as well. Offer to contact the local media with their inability to manage this situation. No school wants bad bulling press right now!! (I say as I write this from my office in a High School!!)


    Answer by Crafty26 at 2:15 PM on Mar. 30, 2012

  • My question is What is being done about Nick? Has he received any consequences for his actions?To insist that she become his friend is madness. Once you have spoken with the principal yourself, if you still feel unsatisfied, then I would most certainly go higher and contact the school board.

    Answer by hootie826 at 2:17 PM on Mar. 30, 2012

  • That's ridiculous!

    Answer by Ludvik_Smith at 2:17 PM on Mar. 30, 2012

  • GrnEyedGrandma said it all and said it perfectly.

    The principal is an idiot.

    Answer by meooma at 4:48 PM on Mar. 30, 2012

  • It is not a pricipals's place to say she needs to be this boy's friend. It is his place to support an environment of respect. Nick may have some serious issues and most likely needs support and assistance too but it most likely is not going to be from other children. It needs to be more professional in nature. In time he may build positive relationships. In the mean time the lesson Nick and Isabelle learn right now is not the right one. Teaching a girl that she should be friend a boy who hits her is a dangerous and damaging lesson. For her and all the girls who whitness it. Only if Nick was willing to do the repair work and and do an act of contrition and mean it would I be comfortable. But he can't do any of that until he gets appropriate help. So in the mean time I would be informing the principal I am exercising my rights under their no tolerance policy for bullying.

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:00 PM on Mar. 30, 2012

  • I'd be very tempted to let my local radio station hear about this ... I don't think the principal has a clue about what he's doing (the potential damage of telling a girl to be friends with a guy is just staggering) and needs a wake-up call.

    Answer by winterglow at 4:38 AM on Mar. 31, 2012