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Need advice, please no bashing serious answers only from those w- experience in this area. In love w-DH and ex fiance

I have been married for 4yrs. But 10yrs ago I was engaged 2 someone else, I was 20 he was 18. We fell in love, had sex 1 time & got pg. We got engaged & planned our life together. At 9wks I m/c & we drifted apart. We decided to take time apart. Next thing I know 6mo later he eloped w-someone else. I know, jerk. They knew each other but just started dating when she found out she was pg by someone else who was abusive to her. he wanted to stepup & make up for what happened 2 us w-her. they eloped. She m/c, but they stayed married for 5yrs. She cheated on him the last 2yrs so he left her. When I heard he was divorced I knew he was a county cop so I called the dept and had him paged. We rekindled things for awhile, I was ready to make up for our lost time. I thought it was our turn again but he was into partying and making up for lost time. I went thru that phase several yrs before, cont..

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Asked by Anonymous at 12:03 PM on Jan. 23, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (11)
  • I let him have his space and get it out of his system.In the mean time I met my now dh. We were only together 6wk when he proposed. I said yes but went to ex’s mom in hopes she would tell him and he would beg me not to get married. Instead he thought I was over him & 3mo later I was married (should have gotten married I know). We lost touch. But 2 ½ yrs ago he MySpaced me. We started talking & old feelings came back, for both of us. He wanted me to leave dh and be w-him. I as going to be but then I found out I was pg. So I told ex that I couldn’t and that we needed to quit talking. I did not cheat on my dh w-ex, I didn’t even see him in the months we were talking. Since then we have kept up with each other but when I feel old feelings coming back I quit talking to him. Cont….

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:04 PM on Jan. 23, 2009

  • Cont…So, my prob now is that I love my dh, he is a great man, wonderful dh & dad. But I never truly loved him. I settled for a good man. I’ve always wanted ex back. So recently we started talking again & I just can’t hold it back anymore. I cry when dh is gone b/c I love him but I love ex more, I’m in love w-ex, in love in love. He still wants me to leave dh but I just can’t. We have a life & an 19mo old. He is a great man, I love him but I’m just not in love w-him. And I don’t know what to do. I’m so sick of being away from ex. I saw him the otherday, he lives an hour away, in my hometown, I went to visit my sis and dad so we met in a parking lot to say hi. We talked for a while & I left crying. I do not know what to do. Cont….

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:05 PM on Jan. 23, 2009

  • Cont…I couldn’t cheat on my dh, even though I think about it I couldn’t do it. I’m not the type. Last night I dreampt I found dh crying, he found out I was talking to ex. So we talked but I woke up b4 I finished the dream. I know it would kill dh if I left him & I couldn’t take his daughter away from him, that’s our baby, But I want to be with ex. Someone pls help me.

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:06 PM on Jan. 23, 2009

  • I know it'as hard to do but you need to talk to your husband. maybe you could take some time apart to see how things w-ex would go?

    Answer by SMWOODS at 12:07 PM on Jan. 23, 2009

  • he woldn't take me back if I wanted time apart, expecially to see my ex. His a very vindictive man, once you do him wrong there is NO going back. He had an ex do the same. The were together 2 yrs, got engaged then she told him she had been cheating on him. When she found out he was getting married she tried to get him back even though she was married, but he chose to marry me. only he told me he was wanting her back

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:09 PM on Jan. 23, 2009

  • sorry, not he was wanting her back but she was wanting him back

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:10 PM on Jan. 23, 2009

  • Okay, you are married I think you should leave your ex-finance alone.  You said you loved your husband  a marriage is a comment, sometimes the grass looks greener on the other side.


    Answer by mommiedear at 12:15 PM on Jan. 23, 2009

  • mommiedear- I know b/c I would be giving and have given the same advice to other ppl. Ive seen divorce b/c of another man and most of the time it's for the worste, but have you ever felt a love so strong for someone that you can't shake it. I wasn't in love with dh when we got married, I thought I could learn to live him b/c he was and is such a great man, but I can't shake this feeling for ex., this longing for him. It literally hurts my heart I can't be w-him but not wanting to leave dh either b/c we have dd together. if it wasn't for her I wold leave. I know I sound like a bad person but I promise I'm not

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:25 PM on Jan. 23, 2009

  • You made a vow to stay with your husband until death parts you. What you are doing is having an emotional affair. IMO that is just as bad if not worse than a physical affair. You need to stay away from the ex and figure out how to save your marriage. Or leave and let your husband find someone who is 100% devoted to him. You aren't being fair to him at all, he deserves better than this. So either leave or fix it. Stop wasting his time.

    Answer by feesharose at 1:09 PM on Jan. 23, 2009

  • I know how you feel no good answers. Good luck.

    Answer by tjcountry at 5:19 PM on Jul. 17, 2009

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