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ladies, I have a question.

I was wanting 2 play this little truth or dare card game that I got in the latest issue of Cosmo magazine. Well, I brought it up to my DF & showed him one of the cards, & he kind of made fun the whole idea! He then went on 2 tell me that sex doesn't HAVE 2 be a part of a "healthy" relationship. Um,what the heck??!! He doesn't have nearly as high of a sex drive as I do, but he has also told me that I have made him want sex more, & then he goes & basically contradicts himself by saying this, & then telling me that I place "too much" importance on sex.Am I wrong in being upset & hurt by this? We do have a great sex life, but I like 2 do things 2 spice it up from time 2 time. I need some advice on what I should do/say to him

 
Dark_Princess_2

Asked by Dark_Princess_2 at 10:37 PM on Jul. 19, 2008 in Relationships

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Answers (8)
  • He may not be too keen on the idea of playing a game you found in a magazine. Some guys just arent into things like that, and need to be gently nudged into making love. Guys are more visual than anything, so wear a sexy outfit to spark his flame instead. Talk dirty to him. Every guy is different. If he doesnt respond well to one thing, he may to another. Have fun...

    And yes- intimacy is part of a healthy relationship.... whether he can recognize it or not.
    taracv

    Answer by taracv at 3:45 AM on Jul. 20, 2008

  • I think that when guys are past twenty years old, they have a low sex drive. They end up turning it around on you like you are some nymph because you would like to get it more. It is better for you to get sex from him then outside of your relationship. I would be hurt too. I have been in a similar situation. I think you should just let him know how you feel. Tell him that you want him and no one else and that is why you want to be with him in that way. A couple gets closer together during that time. I have had to tone myself down a little. The frustration can cause problems in your relationship. If there is a tv or video games in the bedroom, you may want to set up a limit on how much he watches or play games. These can also be barriers in a sex life.
    SexiFala

    Answer by SexiFala at 10:47 PM on Jul. 19, 2008

  • Not all guys like to play. It puts too much pressure on them and they get performance anxiety. It also puts you in control and that might lower his desire by having you be the dom. Some men want control. They want to be the alpha male the way nature intended ( in the eyes of testosterone driven ppl). He could be sexually intimidated by you
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 11:07 PM on Jul. 19, 2008

  • It sounds just like my husband. I can't get him to loosen up at all. No adult DVDs no role play no toys no games.... Let me know if you find the answer!
    ericanow

    Answer by ericanow at 12:25 AM on Jul. 20, 2008

  • Maybe ask him what his fantasies are and maybe you can help him fulfill them. Talk to him about it and let him know that you are bothered by this and you want to know what he wants. I think that talking things out is the best thing to keep a relationship working. If you dont have communication, then you dont have understanding. Talk to him and see what he says.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:51 AM on Jul. 20, 2008

  • oooo I have to agree with the answer above mine. Using his fantasies might make him feel its more his idea and get into it more.
    MsPeaches2210

    Answer by MsPeaches2210 at 3:00 AM on Jul. 20, 2008

  • You ladies are so great =) The thing w/my DF is that he hasn't ever really been all that into sex. Prior to me, he had only been intimate w/9 girls, since losing his V at age 18, and had only had sex around 20-25 times, TOTAL. He just hasn't ever really seen as sex as being that important. It's aggrivating. I know that he loves sex w/me and that he loves to make me happy, I'm just tired of him saying that I put too much of an emphasis on it in our relationship. I really don't. And he hasn't just reacted like this once. It seems like almost any time I try to suggest a new position, he will try and tell me that all I care about is sex, and that there is more to a relationship then just sex. I know this, and we do lots of things that are non-sexual. ugh...lol
    Dark_Princess_2

    Answer by Dark_Princess_2 at 11:49 AM on Jul. 20, 2008

  • You aren't going to change his libido. You're setting yourself up for disappointment by trying. Then blaming him because you're disappointed. That hardly seems fair.

    I learned the same thing, the hard way, in my relationship. I have a crazy, three times a day if he'd let me, libido. My dh is a sexual camel. He can go weeks. I had to learn to let go of my expectations. It's saved me a lot of hurt feelings, and now I'm thrilled when he wants sex, instead of disappointed when he doesn't.

    Funny thing...a few months after I stopped pushing my DH's drive increased a lot. Still not where I'd like it, but the less I push the closer it gets.
    desert_diva

    Answer by desert_diva at 1:18 PM on Jul. 20, 2008