Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

What will help make it easier for a birthmother?

My husband and I are waiting to adopt a baby. Although we are going through our struggles, so are many people that are considering adoption for their child. For those of you that are birthmothers that chose adoption what made it easier or harder for you through the whole process? I want to be a good adoptive parent, and want the birthmother to feel comfortable with us.

Answer Question
 
kld0714

Asked by kld0714 at 11:17 PM on Jul. 19, 2008 in Religion & Beliefs

Level 1 (0 Credits)
Answers (5)
  • Honestly I am not a birthmother , just my two cents I think that from what I have seen that they just dont want to be seen as a incubator for your child. Not saying that adoption parents do, but the hype can be for the baby all the time and then the birthmother may feel that she just the third wheel. My guess would to just write her a letter or if you plan on telling your child they are adopted then ask her maybe to write the child letters so they know that she gave you a wonderful gift and that she is special and that she made a self less loving choice and that she wanted the best for (them) the child. then add that she choose (you) adoptive parents to be there mommy and daddy and that they are greatful to have meet there birthmom and that they are a Blessing (child) God Bless
    ISAIAHMOM632007

    Answer by ISAIAHMOM632007 at 11:27 PM on Jul. 19, 2008

  • I am an adoptive mother, and I friends who have either adopted or been adopted. The one thing you can do is pray for the birth mother, and thank God every day she choose life and she choose you to be the mom. Tell your little one, that their birth mother loved them and wanted the best for them. Tell them that you love them and that you chose to adopt them. Some agencies also will require you to send notes and updates to the birth parents. It really depends on the situation of your adoption and how it comes about. Most of all love that child like you gave birth to it, and never ever let any one tell you it is not the same. My friend who is adopted, said don't always dwell on it, just remember to love them just the same.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:33 PM on Jul. 19, 2008

  • I'm an adoptee, not a birthmother. However, I have a relationship with my birthmother. She missed out on 29 years of my life. When we found each other, she wanted to see pictures, report cards, art work, you name it.

    I think if you can assure a birth mother that you WILL really keep her appraised of her child's life, and that WHEN her child wants to know her, you will move heaven and earth to make that happen, it will help her.

    As an adoptee, I can tell you that most of us love our adopted moms with ALL OUR HEARTS. You are the ones who comfort us when we are sick, hold us when we are sad, and love us no matter what, but for some of us there is a hole that cannot be filled. We (adoptees) have enough love in our hearts for two wonderful women- the one who gave us life, and the one who helped us through it.

    good luck in your quest for a child. namaste.
    lawmom623

    Answer by lawmom623 at 12:55 AM on Jul. 20, 2008

  • I am a birthmother. Please, try to follow through with what you tell the BM. Don't tell her what you think she wants to hear. She's choosing you for what you tell her you are. If she ever finds out, and theres a good possibility she will, that you lied to her about how you want to raise her baby, she will be crushed. I know certain things in life happen, but don't just out and out lie to her. Make sure if you tell the BM you plan on telling the child he/shes adopted (and you should).. DO IT!

    Send pictures and letters if it is an open adoption. Not just in the first couple years, but through the child's life. He/she grows, and the BM wants to know how they're doing, and who they are turning out to look like.

    Remember, its still her baby till she hands him over. If she wants you to be involved, let her lead the way. Treat her like a person, not an object.

    barrettboys

    Answer by barrettboys at 10:55 PM on Jul. 21, 2008

  • PS... Tell her why you are adopting. Also talk about stuff she can relate to, not just the baby and pregnancy, but talk to her like you would a new friend
    barrettboys

    Answer by barrettboys at 10:59 PM on Jul. 21, 2008

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.