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How to deal with a husband that opposes antidepressants? (as a wife with depression.) dont bother saying - leave him... k?.... adult content

Here's the situation. Depression runs in my family, when i was a teen i thought i might be depressed. i learned to hide it. because i couldnt stand my mom and my mom was open about her depression i did not want to be anything like her. so i hide it. self medicated with cigs, alcohol, mj, excercise, sleep, art, etc... whatever made it better (never any hard / real drugs.) i went on that way through high school and college - during that time i met and married dh. we never really discussed it. during college i smoked a ton of mj (weed) and rarely had depression symptoms because of it (no that isnt a legal option in my state yet.) after college, i settled into a professional job, bought our first house, had our first child, completely cut the weed out, and again had depression symptoms. i tried to treat them with lots of excercise, sleep, art, taking care of myself, etc.... really to no avail. i was not going to use weed to treat it because its not legal and not really worth the risk with a young child. i told dh about this and he was kinda disappointed - taking it personally - like he wasnt good enough - my life made me depressed - when the truth is that it had been there under the surface all the time. after my second child the depression was undeniable, despite any amount of excercise (and healthy habits) it could not be denied. it was sucking the energy and joy from my being. i went on an antidepressant. dh seemed glad that i was happy again - but disappointed in me - that i couldnt just will myself to be happy. he would always talk about when i get off that stuff (not that it matters but i was on a childs dose - couldnt be a smaller dose for an adult.) i did have some med related side effects - like tiredness and lower sex drive. let dh convince me that since i was in a good swing i should go off it - see what happened - see if it was pregnancy related (hormones) ... and here i am 3 yrs later... i work out almost every day - my life isnt perfect but i am really struggling to find the joy in everyday. i cry everyday in the shower - ashamed that i feel this way and cant just cut it out. i want to be normal and happy and not need pills. i dont have negative self talk.. before i go to bed each night and before getting out of bed in the morning i have to think of at least 5 things i am truly greatful for. i am doing all that i can without meds to get myself up. but its not happening. i made an appt with a dr. in the area to talk about going on meds again - i am jsut worried to tell dh. worried that he will seem disappointed in somehting i want to control but cant - and i dont want to go on unhappy - i would rather him disappointed than me unhappy. how do you explain it to someoone who has never had depression - any good book suggestions. etc... idk - i just wish he "got it." and please just dont post - leave him - because besides this - he is a perfect husband (in my definition - he cooks and cleans and works full time and is a great father...etc... ) so its not that bad or big of a deal - i just would ike a better way to present it. is it terrible to not mention it - i know it is - its the same as hiding it ... but i just dont want greif over it either... oh well - you tell me!

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 11:10 AM on Apr. 2, 2012 in Relationships

Answers (18)
  • i think you need to take him to your doctor with you, and have him explain this is an illness, not something he did or you did to get,, if he had a cold, would he take medicine for it?
    kimigogo

    Answer by kimigogo at 11:22 AM on Apr. 2, 2012

  • Depression is a real problem and perhaps it would benefit your DH to go to the Dr. with you so that he can ask questions and maybe get a medical / clinical insight to the condition and maybe gain more knowledge that way (taking you out of the equation and actually learning about depression as opposed to how your depression affects him). I don't know of any books, but he does need a better understanding of depression so that you can feel comfortable with taking medications if and when necessary. It's really hard for people to understand illnesses that effect others when there are no obvious symptoms.


    Clearly though, you should do what feels right to you and you have every right to want to be happy and comfortable in your own skin.  

    QuinnMae

    Answer by QuinnMae at 11:24 AM on Apr. 2, 2012

  • Okay, you know perfectly well that you need the meds to function. Having said that, I don't want to add any more to an already stressful situation.

    Is he opposed to herbal treatments? If not, PM me and I can give you some alternatives to try.
    BrawnwynII

    Answer by BrawnwynII at 11:25 AM on Apr. 2, 2012

  • I'd see a doctor, get my antidepressants, tell him to get over himself and that he's not the one feeling the way you feel. You can either live your life un a depressive funk because you don't want to disappoint your husband or you can take advantage of the resources out there and start feeling happy again. Until he's circling the drain of the depressive toilet bowl he's never going to get it but you don't need to suffer. Depression affects so much of your health. Only those who have never suffered clinical depression thinks it is something that will just go away or you can work through it in your own. I'm not a doctor, but I am a depression sufferer and my husband used to think like yours. I need to be happy before I can give my family what they need and so do you. Hugs...
    Izsarejman

    Answer by Izsarejman at 11:26 AM on Apr. 2, 2012

  • Find a homiopath. If your man doesn't like the meds, there are natural options. BUT you need to be under the care of someone who knows what they are doing.
    SabrinaMBowen

    Answer by SabrinaMBowen at 11:34 AM on Apr. 2, 2012

  • You do what you have to do, and don't worry about what he thinks of it.

    I would try taking him with you to the doctor, so the doctor can explain that depression is an actual illness that has nothing to do with how great or how miserable your life is, and that it's got nothing to do with your husband, or your kids, or anything else in your life. If he still doesn't get it, you just take your meds and be happy. Let him be disappointed. Better he be disappointed than you be depressed.
    wendythewriter

    Answer by wendythewriter at 11:47 AM on Apr. 2, 2012

  • It does sounds like he's a great husband in most ways, and I am not suggesting you leave, but IMO he is not respecting your feelings and that's a huge deal to me, ESPECIALLY when it is something you cannot help (on your own). I've always told my husband that he doesn't have to understand why I feel the way I do about anything, he just needs to respect that that's the way I feel. I agree with taking him to the Dr. with you, if this is only because he "doesn't understand depression". I can understand if he was against any type of medication for some religious reason or something, but that doesn't seem to be the case so I really can't imagine why he wouldn't want you taking something that has obviously helped you. Is it a financial thing? Or is he concerned about the side effects? I'd just hate to think it's simply he because "he thinks you should just snap out of it".
    maecntpntz219

    Answer by maecntpntz219 at 12:22 PM on Apr. 2, 2012

  • Take him with you to the doctor. If he won't go, he gets no say.
    gdiamante

    Answer by gdiamante at 12:23 PM on Apr. 2, 2012

  • Have you considered looking for someone to help you dig out the roots of your depression and getting rid of the problem? I don't believe you can do it by yourself because I couldn't and I tried really hard for years, and finding the right person is difficult but it is not impossible. Perhaps this is what your husband wants for you. It's what mine wanted for me. So ask him if he would be willing to participate with you in getting that kind of help. Most depression finds its roots in early childhood experiences which have been deeply suppressed. Left hidden, you will never be free from their influence. Exposed and looked at in the light of day will make all the difference in the world for you and your family. I took several different drugs while I was looking, and every one of them had side effects that I couldn't live with. I've been free now for several years, and I hope that for you, as well.
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 12:25 PM on Apr. 2, 2012

  • He needs to get educated
    mommys2cupcakes

    Answer by mommys2cupcakes at 12:47 PM on Apr. 2, 2012

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