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Should I stick with this relationship?

My SO and I have been together for 5 years. When we met I had a 3 year old son who he now takes as his own son because his bio father has had no part in his life. Since then we have had 2 more children. My problem is he only says "I love you" if I say it first. Sometimes not even then. He never tells me how he feels about me or anything of the sort. He told me he's just not one to express his emotions often but I'm not asking for roses every day! We also haven't talked about marriage. I asked him before we had kids if he saw himself spending the rest of his life with me and he said yes but since then nothing. Maybe I wasn't specific enough! Am I being petty? Sometimes I wonder if he regrets settling down with me and I even considered ending the relationship because I know he won't do it because of the kids. I love him very much but I feel as if I trapped him even though that wasn't my intention. Do I let him off the hook?

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Asked by Anonymous at 5:26 PM on Jan. 23, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (8)
  • Don't let him off the hook....let yourself off the hook.

    Answer by EireLass at 5:28 PM on Jan. 23, 2009

  • This is a situation where you need to talk with him. If he's happy then let it go. He wouldn't be there if he didn't want to be there.

    Answer by admckenzie at 5:37 PM on Jan. 23, 2009

  • i'm in same boat as you wth is wrong with these men we give and give just to sit in the back burner. i have two kids that aren't his one daughter with him and one on the way. i am always the one looking for him babying him and bending over backwards for him. but when i need a hug or an i love you i can forget about it. if i don't look for sex i wont get it if i don't talk he'll walk right by me and not say shit until i "GET OVER IT" i feel the same way should i leave or stay but then i think wow 4 kids i haven't worked for years wth am i going to do. so i guess i put up with it. I'm not telling you to put up with it but if i were smarter i would'nt of gotten pregnant again.i get weak when he's nice then he turns into a stranger and i'm lost all over again.

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:29 PM on Jan. 23, 2009

  • Some people dont like to express emotion. Just let him know how you are feeling and tell him you would appreciate him initiating the I love yous sometimes. Make sure you feel he is being totally honest with you. If he says he loves you and does not feel like he is settling and you 100% believe that is true then I would stay. If you dont believe him let him know that you do not want him to feel like you are holding him back.

    Answer by LovinEveryDay at 7:02 PM on Jan. 23, 2009

  • I know it is too late now....but it seems I've seen a pattern in relationships where couples have kids without being married. I have a good friend where the same thing happened. Lived together, had a kid but still no proposal. She finally got tired of feeling neglected and left him to move out of state with the child. He couldn't bear it and begged her to marry him, which she did. (Ironically, 10 years later she is divorcing him because he reverted back to being a jerk after they married).

    Answer by kathyartist2007 at 7:05 PM on Jan. 23, 2009

  • sit down and talk with him about how you feel. he may be under some stress or hes got cold feet. dont worry. it could be nothing cept a little bit off awkwardness. just sit and have an adult convo with him and let him talk and tell him what you think. then after that its up to you.

    Answer by xhellxfirex495 at 7:10 PM on Jan. 23, 2009

  • You need to sit down and talk about it. You need to tell him you need to know where things stand and if he is no longer comitted to you then you need to call it quits.

    When I first met my DH and we were together he found it hard to express his feelings even though he felt them. We talked about it and I told him I need to hear it just showing me wasn't enough. I knew he loved me but after a bad previous marriage I guess i just needed that reassurance in words. As he started saying it, It became easier and easier for him. Now after 15 years I can't shut him

    Answer by debj49 at 7:42 PM on Jan. 23, 2009

  • Sounds like you and boyfriend need to have a serious talk,and if he don't want to committ you have to ask yourself  if your satisfied with what he wants and what you want.


    Answer by FTBALLMOF2BOYS at 8:19 PM on Jan. 23, 2009

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