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A friend of mine needs advice about 15 yr old daughter and myspace, boys etc

My friends teenage daughter is sneaking around. She is kissing boys ,made a my space against her mom`s wishes and outright lying to her mom. The daughter doesn`t have a clue that her mom knows any of this. The mom found her daughters e-mails deatailing the dd`s first kiss on the cheek from a supposed friend(not boyfriend), then with a second boy on the lips. The dd tells her mom she she is not like that and doesn`t have a boyfriend. Mom found an e-mail detailing dd`s current boyfriends wishes to marry her. Dd turned 15 in Dec.Mom has asked me if she should leave work early to spy on daughter and doesn`t want to confront her because mom feras it will cause more sneakiness. Dd has cell and texting and is homeschooled until early Feb. of this year. She plays soccer so mom needs comm. but wants to take away after Feb. I don`t have a daughter and my son has not experienced girlfriends yet. (I thank God for that). Can someone help?

Answer Question
 
kanake

Asked by kanake at 8:23 PM on Jan. 23, 2009 in Teens (13-17)

Level 5 (96 Credits)
Answers (10)
  • It sounds like normal 15 yr old behavior and your friend should not give up what she knows LOL. Atleast she knows she isnt sexually active and she shoud be glad about that. She can use the information to maybe talk about her first kiss and how old she was and see if the dd opens up.
    gemgem

    Answer by gemgem at 8:43 PM on Jan. 23, 2009

  • I have to say that at fifteen, kissing is very normal. However, if it's starting to turn sexual then I would definitely step in and lay down some boundaries. If her daughter has a myspace against her mom's wishes, I would have it deleted. Two of my daughters did this and I had their accounts deleted. Then they lost computer privileges for awhile. As far as her daughter being able to call people on her cell and text, I would monitor that to make sure she's not doing anything innapropriate. We had to do that also.
    Littlebit722

    Answer by Littlebit722 at 8:48 PM on Jan. 23, 2009

  • con'td....

    If we found anything sexual, our dd lost her cell phone for awhile. The mom does need to confront her. She's the mom, she sets the rules. If her daughter doesn't follow those rules, then she needs consequences. I don't think it's a good idea for the mom to just turn a blind eye and ear because she's "afraid" of what her daughter might do if she's confronted. I would also recommend spyware on her computer so she can monitor her daughter.
    Littlebit722

    Answer by Littlebit722 at 8:48 PM on Jan. 23, 2009

  • i would get her put on birth control so if she chooses to have sex then shes protective. i agree with gemgem-try to talk to her about it but dont be all judgemental and go all "overprotective mom" on her. sry you guys but thats the only way i know how to describe it. my son is only 2 and im 21 so it wasnt that long ago my mom went all "overprotective mom" on me. lol
    SThompson21

    Answer by SThompson21 at 8:49 PM on Jan. 23, 2009

  • First of all, she's 15. She is old enough to be experimenting like that. Thats when you first learn how to handle member of the opposite sex as well as the hormones. Just be glad that she's not sexually active, and I'm sorry if the mother wasn't spying she would still trust her daughter, and her daughter has yet to really break her trust. What she does with her lips is her ow business... as long as she doesn't get pregnant.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:57 PM on Jan. 23, 2009

  • I have to say, mom needs to relax a little (this is coming from a good place), her DD is 15, at some point she was going to be kissed by a boy. Is she given enough freedom to be 15, or has she been sheltered and mom is concerned about her "baby" in the world?

    Mom should say something to her DD, but in a way that makes the DD feel comfortable talking to mom, something like " I noticed on an e-mail you had your first kiss...how was it?". No accusation. Communication is SO important with our teens, they need to know where we stand and we need to always be open and available to them, even when we don't like what we hear.

    Mom needs to BELIEVE that she has raised her DD well and know she needs to trust in her DD to come to her when thier is a new expierience in her life. But it HAS to start with mom.
    luckysevenwow

    Answer by luckysevenwow at 9:14 PM on Jan. 23, 2009

  • ive glanced over what some of the other moms are saying and I agree.
    wintersmommy06

    Answer by wintersmommy06 at 11:41 PM on Jan. 23, 2009

  • All the girl did was kiss a boy and make a myspace. why is she home schooled? Maybe her mother is over protective and the girl just wants to be a kid. I know girls who have kids by 15. Kissing leads to other things. This girl needs some one she can talk to with out feeling judged. I use to hate talking to my mom.
    _Sammie_

    Answer by _Sammie_ at 8:59 PM on Jan. 24, 2009

  • She was home schooled to protect her, and she was ahead of the public school system.The mom (knows)kissing leads to other things.As for My space, I agree with her that it isn`t safe. Her daughter puts where she lives , what activities she does, where she goes to school, her age, and if she lets someone on she doesn`t know that`s all it takes for a predator to find her.(no I am not making this up,it`s on MSNBC website.)

    kanake

    Answer by kanake at 9:47 AM on Jan. 25, 2009

  • ConTD
    Her mom is beside herself with worry,because she believes her daughter will have sex outside of marriage the, way things are progressing . She doesn`t want to buy birth control because she feels that is promoting. Then there is still a chance of STD or pregnancy. while I Agree and understand what she is saying she asks me what to do I bought her a book, but I don`t think she read it. So I am clueless about girls, and told her i would ask here on cafe mom. Thanks for your input ladiesshake hand
    kanake

    Answer by kanake at 9:48 AM on Jan. 25, 2009

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