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3 Bumps

16 year old daughter pregnant

My 16 year old and her boyfriend of 2 years are pregnant. They don't want to be parents my daughter wants me to adopt the baby but I told her thats just not going to happen that if she doesn't want to be a parent at this point in her life she will have to put the child up for adoption, I suggested to her an open adoption what do you all think?

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 12:33 PM on Apr. 4, 2012 in Adoption

Answers (27)
  • I agree with OTT.


    As you decide on adoption with consideration that open or closed is part of the plan please plan on it being closed.Imagine it as closed.Only closed.I say this because there will be no recourse if the Adoptive Parents chose to close it.There are adoptions that do close because perhaps the birth parents misbehave but most often when they close because in a few years the adoptive parents tire of the obligation to a different mother.Many A.P.s work hard to be considerate of the birth family but if your grand child is adopted by one that doesn't honor their obligation there is nothing to be done.; For the birth mother if it closes it doesn't matter how many other ones remain open.So only choose adoption if it being closed is really ok for your daughter.Please don't make your decision concerning adoption based on the open or closed aspect because open is not legally enforceable.

    drfink

    Answer by drfink at 1:09 PM on Apr. 5, 2012

  • I also agree with doing a lot of research on adoption before your daughter makes any decisions. If your daughter chooses adoption I hope she can find a family who will keep the promises she wants as far as open adoption and follow through. Sadly not all adoptive parents keep their promises, when it comes to open adoption. The good thing is she can turn to you for support, and she needs that now most of all.
    Kellyjude1

    Answer by Kellyjude1 at 1:26 PM on Apr. 5, 2012

  • Maybe you could find a married couple willing to adopt both your daughter and her child together. That way there would be a little less burden on you- and they could stay together.
    adopteeme

    Answer by adopteeme at 8:30 AM on Apr. 7, 2012

  • Here is a link I think you should read: http://www.cafemom.com/group/4974/forums/read/15694307/_A_Special_Message_For_Baby_s_Grandparents_By_Diane_Turski


    I want to piont out that this is not a decision that she can make BEFORE birth. She and baby need to recover from birth together without any pressure or coercion of others. Your daughter will NOT cease to be a mother if she surrenders her child, she will just be a mother living without her first born...........

    vampporcupine

    Answer by vampporcupine at 3:07 PM on Apr. 7, 2012

  • I agree with have her research, research, research. Research adoption issues for the adoptee like attachment disorder and birthmother regret. Open adoption would be most ideal but, as others have said, it's not legally enforceable. I would not set her up with an agency or a couple beforehand. She neednt promise her child to someone before it is born. However, she can interview couples and chose a few she might call if she decides to proceed with the adoption after the baby is born, but not promise any one couple her own child. After the baby is born and she has had time to recuperate from giving birth, she can make a true decision. Be prepared for her to change her mind. What will you do in that case, if she decides to keep and raise her child? What is the father of the baby prepared to do? His parents? If adoption is her true and only answer- is there anyone else in your family of origin who might be willing to take the baby?
    Bellarose0212

    Answer by Bellarose0212 at 1:44 AM on Apr. 8, 2012

  • HUGS to your family!
    Bellarose0212

    Answer by Bellarose0212 at 1:45 AM on Apr. 8, 2012

  • No one in the family is willing to adopt.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 9:11 AM on Apr. 8, 2012

  • If you are sure that you cannot adopt the baby yourself, I would recommend that both of you look into open adoption. There is no guarantee that the adoptive family will keep their word and continue contact, but many of us do. I just want to mention that my DD's birth grandmother was not able to adopt our DD herself, and even though she loves us she has commented that it's sad when families can't stay together. There is going to be pain for your daughter whatever her choice if she doesn't raise the baby, and there will be pain for you if you have to let the baby go. I think your daughter should be commended for honoring life for her baby. Best of luck to you both!
    Iamgr8teful

    Answer by Iamgr8teful at 6:58 AM on Apr. 9, 2012

  • I'm sorry you are in this situation. How far along is she? I commend you for not adopting your grandchild. My parents adopted my daughter and it has ruined our relationship. We no longer speak to each other. Not all families will end up that way, but the lines get blurred very easily and feelings get hurt very deeply. Have your daughter talk to other birthmoms. There is a group on CafeMom for birthmoms and there are plenty of wise women in that group.
    Ms.Maricel

    Answer by Ms.Maricel at 5:23 PM on Apr. 10, 2012

  • I have two sets of friends, both adopted via open adoption and both continue to honor those commitments even with the kids now in middle school. It is best for the children and most adoptive parents are concerned and involved parents.

    I wish you the best. If she really wants open adoption, go for a couple who has already done it once and is continuing to honor their commitments.
    Mom2Just1Kiddo

    Answer by Mom2Just1Kiddo at 6:33 PM on Apr. 10, 2012

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