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does anyone know of a good site for me to get info to write my first letter to my adopted child?

I'm a birthmom with an open adoption. its been 14 yrs. that ive been missing my litlle girl and have just now got the info on where she is and her adoptive parents. i want to write a letter to them to start contact, but am at a loss for words. i would like any help you can give.

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chowderhead

Asked by chowderhead at 10:20 PM on Jan. 23, 2009 in Adoption

Level 1 (0 Credits)
Answers (6)
  • try finding her or her adoptive family on myspace. my step mom has a 17 year old daughter that we have had no contact with and thats how we found her. if no luck there, maybe you can try the adoption agencies that handled the adoption
    SThompson21

    Answer by SThompson21 at 10:23 PM on Jan. 23, 2009

  • In addition to the suggestion above, I'd highly recommend checking in on the information on triad members who are in reunion. Each reunion is different and having someone who's currently going through the process - or has gone through the process is helpful. It is also helpful to hear from adoptees and adoptive parents to hear from the other two perspectives what they might offer as suggestions. There are great groups on CafeMom specifically for those in reunion. PM me if you would like more info.
    PortAngeles1969

    Answer by PortAngeles1969 at 10:45 PM on Jan. 23, 2009

  • May I ask if it was an open adoption - how contact was lost (i.e., have just now got the info on where she is and her adoptive parents)? Also, how open was it before you lost contact with them and at what age was your daughter at that time? All these things can help others who have reunited give you suggestions.
    PortAngeles1969

    Answer by PortAngeles1969 at 10:47 PM on Jan. 23, 2009

  • I run an adoption reunion group here on cafemom. you're welcome to join http://www.cafemom.com/group/14715I also know of a good reunion support group called Pacer in Sacramento CA, but I don't know if that's too far for you http://www.adopteerights.org/pacer/facilitators.htm


    I'm curious why you call your adoption "open" when you haven't have contact.

    onethentwins

    Answer by onethentwins at 3:00 AM on Jan. 24, 2009

  • Be careful and respectful and you will most likely get respect back. Contact the a-parents and let them know that you would like to establish contact with them and, when they believe your daughter is ready, contact with her.
    mommy22miracles

    Answer by mommy22miracles at 10:14 AM on Jan. 26, 2009

  • You don't know where she is in her life or development, so right now they are the best ones to make that call on whether she's ready for contact. Some kids just mature faster. My 13 yr old bio daughter is currently severely restricted on her computer use because she is rebelling against my authority. When she settles down, and starts maturing a bit, I'll help her set up a facebook account. But not right now. I recognize that emotionally, her current state of mind would make her volnerable to predators.
    The old line about parents knowing best is really true. So trust their opinion on her readiness for contact. But let them know that you are open to contact with her. And I hope it works out for you.
    mommy22miracles

    Answer by mommy22miracles at 10:15 AM on Jan. 26, 2009

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