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3 Bumps

Frustrated and ready to throw in the towel

ok so a real quick history on me and the hubby back in high school i went out a few times with my brother in law but i didn't know my husband existed for a long tome but when we met we became bff's ok well it didn't work out with me and my brother in law nothing intimate between us. just high school crush type stuff. well anyhow fast forward 5 years my hubby and i are still besties and we developed feelings for each other. when we decided to make it official my mom asked if we were dating and i lied and said no well she was pissed when she found out. words were said between the two. 11 years later my husband still holds a grudge. ok now my problem. we have a 19 mo. old and i am paying my mom 300 every two weeks the same as a day care would charge. ( i got quotes). my hubby doesn't feel that we should pay her because she is his grandma. it is causing a huge strain on the relationship. but it helps my mom who doesn't work. she keeps him all day and night some days and sometimes its a week because of our work schedules. i told him tonight that if it were his mom he wouldn't be acting like that but he make excuses that his mom would never need help. he is always trowing in my face how he has made more than me over the years and he how makes more now by like .50. he only brings in more because he is able to do overtime and i cannot. he told me tonight that if i still wanted to pay my mom we need to seperate our monies and live like that and i told him if he wanted it to be that way we should separate period. was i wrong. what do you thin? suggestions anyone?

Answer Question
 
jfrancis91680

Asked by jfrancis91680 at 9:49 PM on Apr. 5, 2012 in Relationships

Level 8 (240 Credits)
Answers (14)
  • I think he is being RIDICULOUS! Why should Grandma be forced into the caregiver role just because she's family? It's WORK to care for a child and you guys are getting a STEAL for 300. No, you were not wrong, he has no clue and no one would care for baby as conscientiously as grandma. I think this is about him being controlling more than anything. Tell him to find someone who will work her butt off to care for your child for 300!
    jeanclaudia

    Answer by jeanclaudia at 9:53 PM on Apr. 5, 2012

  • ^^ what she said.
    perhaps bring him the quotes from other daycare providers and go on a few tours so he might realize what a good deal he is getting.

    additionally, separating money in a marriage kind of sounds like a bad idea. it seems that it would eventually lead to separate lives.
    feralxat

    Answer by feralxat at 10:01 PM on Apr. 5, 2012

  • @ feralxat thats what i told him
    jfrancis91680

    Comment by jfrancis91680 (original poster) at 10:02 PM on Apr. 5, 2012

  • No, he is acting like a baby. If your mom watched the child every once in awhile, I wouldn't expect her to want money, but she is being his caregiver, so I think what you are paying her is way more than reasonable. Also a relationship isn't about who makes more money, and if he feels that way he has a ton of growing up to do.
    AF4life

    Answer by AF4life at 10:13 PM on Apr. 5, 2012

  • If you want to save your marriage, make an appointment with a couples counselor; if he won't go, go alone
    rkoloms

    Answer by rkoloms at 10:34 PM on Apr. 5, 2012

  • good for you!!! he is acting like a child
    LostSoul88

    Answer by LostSoul88 at 10:35 PM on Apr. 5, 2012

  • He's being a jerk ! sorry to call your DH names but how frustrating. If my Son's grandma watched him I'd pay her because she is giving up A LOT of her time to take care of the little one. Because your Little One is there all day she uses extra electricity, gas, water etc and I'm sure she goes through food for him.

    I hope he comes to his senses and stops being such a hard A** on this !
    bubblycute

    Answer by bubblycute at 11:27 PM on Apr. 5, 2012

  • well at least u guys wasn't intimate...
    smiley745

    Answer by smiley745 at 10:32 AM on Apr. 6, 2012

  • grandma needs money. she can't go out and find a job because she already has one, watching your baby. You should pay her. DH is not thinking about this logically.

    Why is this a problem now? I assume she has been taking care of the child for quite a while, right? I would try to figure out what changed that makes paying for childcare and the difference in income a problem.

    IMHO marriages work when you both go all in. everything is shared, money and responsibility. He seems to have changed his mind about being a family. ask him why.

    zetajen

    Answer by zetajen at 2:02 PM on Apr. 6, 2012

  • Tell him if he want's to seperate money then you need child support in the amount of half of what daycare would cost and if he won't agree tell him about your feelings about throwing in the towel and let him know his child support payments would make his 50% more look like nothing.
    VanessaMomof2

    Answer by VanessaMomof2 at 3:54 PM on Apr. 6, 2012

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