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How the heck do I deal with the fact that my 21 yr old son just announced he really wants to be a girl?He's been secretly wearing girls clothes since he was 16,now wants to see a Dr.........HELP

is there a group here that deals with this topic?

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Asked by randommum at 11:15 PM on Jan. 23, 2009 in Adult Children (18+)

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Answers (37)
  • Embrace him for who he is, that is all that you can really do, there is a movie on lifetime tommarow night called prayers for bobby, it may really help you look at things in a new light. I am sorry you are going through this. Hope you can find some peace and guidence soon.

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:18 PM on Jan. 23, 2009

  • hmmm I haven't seen any groups for that topic...but If I was u I would just say if you really want to do it then you pay for it your self, I'm not gonna help at all because I don't agree with it or whatever...If you say that Maybe it'll change his mind..."Because i'm pretty sure thats A LOT of money to do that!.

    But he is also 21 so he do what ever he wants...

    Hopefully you can find a group! if i find one I'll let u know!!!

    good luck!

    Answer by nicole0709442 at 11:19 PM on Jan. 23, 2009

  • I don't know about a specific group but to become female takes a lot of time and dedication. He would be required to live as the opposite gender for a year and see a counselor for it. They wont just do it. (this is typical of most states).

    I think you should talk to him, and try and not push him away.. don't judge or condemn just listen to his thoughts on this. While it can be hard to deal with.. he needs you to listen to him and be there for him. (this is what I would do, I haven't been in your shoes)

    Answer by celticreverie at 11:19 PM on Jan. 23, 2009

  • I don't know about any groups, but there's a group for everything so I'm sure you will have no trouble finding one:)

    About your son wanting to be a girl....who cares! He's an adult and if thats what he chooses than so be it! I would be grateful for the fact that he trusted and respected you enough to tell you.


    Answer by Anonymous at 11:19 PM on Jan. 23, 2009

  • Thanks for reminding me anon 10:18 I want to watch that prayers for Bobby.

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:21 PM on Jan. 23, 2009

  • You love him...unconditionally. You help him seek the resources he needs to discover whatever it is he needs to clarify. You can let him know you aren't okay with it (if that is the case) and still make sure he knows how much you love him.
    Did you know that 15-25 yr olds who believe they are transgendered and are subsequently turned out by their familes are three times more likely to attempt and suceed at suicide?

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:21 PM on Jan. 23, 2009

  • thanks ppl. I am generally a non judgemental sort of person,at least I thought I was. Somehow it owuld have been easier if he'd siad he was gay,and funnily enough thats the first thing he said...I'm not gay...but lol Thre is an acceptance of gays,not of crossdressers,public perception is definatley different,and I'm scared for him.

    I can cope with the long hair,long fingernails,girls jeans and a sort of unisex look he has going, but I don't know how I'll cope if he diecides he wants to change his name or gorw breasts. He is talking about hormones,so long as it won't make him sterile as he and his girlfriend plan to marry and have children.his g/f is fine iwth it all,they go shopping together for clothes:)

    Answer by randommum at 11:25 PM on Jan. 23, 2009

  • yes the suicide thing scares me. his girlfriend is moving interstate soon and he doesnt have the funds as yet to go too, he is in atraining job and neds to finish that first,so I'm alittle worried how he is going to cope with her being away as she is the only one who truly understands him,apparantly.
    I do love him unconditionally, he has accepted his lot ,it's me , I have a lot to understand and I worry about him. I don't want him to be ridiculed.

    Answer by randommum at 11:29 PM on Jan. 23, 2009

  • It sounds like he has wonderful support and family. He may be made infertile by too much estrogen though.. so I don't know about that. He has a lot of research and information he needs to read and just absorb.

    I could imagine it's tough, because it's a huge shock, but with you there to support him and his lovely gf there too.. you will be able to make it through this. Once the transformation is done, if he chooses, he may not even be recognizable as a transgendered male you know? They can blend really well.

    Answer by celticreverie at 11:29 PM on Jan. 23, 2009

  • one thing bugs me.Every where i've read, it's a birth defect I was meant to be a girl etc.........hmmm you were meant to be a lesbian woman??? this part makes no sense to me lol

    i love him to peices and we have always been very close.I think he is a little dissapointed in me as I haven't benn supportive.I haven't been non supportive iether ...I've just kind of....ignored it..if you know what I mean.Denial I guess?

    Answer by randommum at 11:42 PM on Jan. 23, 2009

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