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How do I deal with a non compliant child ?

One of my children (5) is extremely non compliant. Whenever she decides that she does not agree what I ask of her she simply refuses to do as I ask. I am having a really difficult time with this. .She has always been different from the other children. While in utero she was extremely active. As an infant she refused having her diapers and clothes changed until the age of two. From infancy through now she has always caused a scene while riding in the car...previously fighting the car seat ...and now usually just throwing a tantrum about anything. When she's in school she's "the perfect child." She's moody and difficult..the worst part is that I have some difficulty not losing my temper and I know that's the worst thing to do in this situation...I need some positive input.

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Asked by Anonymous at 11:34 PM on Jan. 23, 2009 in School-Age Kids (5-8)

Answers (4)
  • She's strong willed. She's figured out that she doesn't have to do anything but die and she's prepared to do that! I have had 2 of these. You have to pick your battles with these kids. Also I had much more success in getting things done when I showed them the reasons behind my requests. If you give her a little more control of her life, she won't have to fight for it so much. To get my son to take the trash for example. He didn't want to do it, but I asked him if he wanted the house to stink. I explained that I simply didn't have the capability to do everything and I NEEDED him to share some responsibility. That worked with him and the trash went out.

    Answer by shmorris56 at 1:33 AM on Jan. 24, 2009

  • my daughter is the same way.But w/ her I have to explain why I am correcting her. this usually works. But more times than not in the heat of frustration I forget and we have a battle.

    Answer by annimol13 at 1:38 AM on Jan. 24, 2009

  • The more I let him know the why's and whatfor's, the better he was. He was an angel outside the house too! Strong willed kids are very bright and they object to being ordered around. Options are very good whenever you can give them. What to eat, what to wear, what toys for bath. What folder design for school. Which chores. Money for music or money for a special shirt. Let them decide whenever it's practical. Good luck!! Remember that kid of yours that is making you nuts will succeed in life. Those qualities that makes for hard parenting also make for a great adult life.

    Answer by shmorris56 at 1:40 AM on Jan. 24, 2009

  • Exactly! This especially helps when grocery shopping.

    Answer by annimol13 at 2:06 AM on Jan. 24, 2009

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