Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

My 13y/o will be 14 in Feb. Should I let her go out unsupervised w/friends?

I'm a bit over protective of all of my kids, but my oldest especially. She's a pretty girl with a well developed body and it scares me to death every time she goes out the door. I keep minutes on her cell and we have a very good open line of communication so I know where her head is at. We talk all the time about serious topics. She's comfortable talking to me. But these streets are wild, it's not that I don't trust her, it's just people are so crazy...she'll be starting HS in Sept. and she'll have to take public transportation whether I like it our not (at least until we get the van out..). She's a really good girl and I want her to enjoy her b-day, I'm just not sure HOW much I should let her enjoy it. You know how these malls are these days w/boys and all. My Best Friend thinks I should loosen the reins a bit and constantly reminds me of how we were at 14, and THAT's what worries me most!

 
Dmommy4

Asked by Dmommy4 at 2:18 AM on Jan. 24, 2009 in Teens (13-17)

Level 9 (315 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (13)
  • I think entering highschool is a perfect time to loosen the reigns a little. I know you're worried about her, but the best thing you can do is educate her. Make sure she knows the truth about things on the streets like boys, beer, and drugs, and give her the independence to make her own choices. I know that's scary, but that's the best thing you can do. Because when she's the age to go into highschool, she's going to do whatever she wants to do, whether you like it or not. So either keep the lines of communication open, and give her some freedom, or have her go behind your back and do things. I know it's scary, but as long as she's educated, she'll make the right decisions. Start a discussion off with her by AGREEING on a curfew. Mine was 10 my freshman year, and went up an hour every year after that, and I never lied to my mom about anything I did, and she always knew where I was at.
    ktrog

    Answer by ktrog at 11:31 AM on Jan. 24, 2009

  • I can understand where you're coming from but if she's with her friends she is a little bit safer than if she were alone.It also depends on where you live, Is it really dangerous or is that you projecting more danger because your child is going out into the world without you at her side? Keeping your DD safe won't really because she won't learn how to respond if something actually happens. She has a cell phone and will be with her friends, give her a set time to check in with you and to let you know where she's going to be and who's with her. I wish you luck on this and Happy Birthday to your daughter.
    BooBear666

    Answer by BooBear666 at 2:28 AM on Jan. 24, 2009

  • I would let her go. I know that my mother wouldn't let me when I was that age and I would lie about going to friends houses and sneak out. My mom never had a clue because I communicated with her when she expected me to and I told her stories about my friends. I can remember really wanting to become more independent and the fact that my mom wouldn't give me a little room made me rebel. You turned out fine even though you were a little crazy. Just make sure she knows the stranger rules. It sounds like you're a good mom and you have raised your little girl well...now it's time to see the proof! :o)
    KaceesMom

    Answer by KaceesMom at 2:29 AM on Jan. 24, 2009

  • I know its hard...but you really should loosen up a bit. Im not saying to let her do whatever she wants andlet her go wild of course...but shes a teenager and its really important that she does some socializing.
    My mom would always have to meet all my friends before I went out with them, and the rule was that there always had to be more girls than boys so it wasnt like a date or anything.
    If you dont let her get out a little now, she WILL go crazy once shes 18 and she has a lot more freedom then she knows what to do with.
    ArmyWifeNewMom

    Answer by ArmyWifeNewMom at 2:29 AM on Jan. 24, 2009

  • Let her start with going to movie theaters, the mall, places where she and her friends will have access to security if needed. Make a deal with her. Have a "code word" that she can use with you to let you know that she's ready to be picked up without having to say it out loud in front of her friends. My mom and I did that and it came in handy more than once. When I was a freshman in high school, I went out with my girlfriends to a beach party and the guys started getting a little too touchy-feely. My friends were loving the attention, but it just wasn't my thing. I called my mom and said, "Just wanted to remind you that I fed the dog." She knew I was ready to get out of there. It was nice to have that little secret between the two of us. I could ask for my mommy's help without feeling embarrased.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:27 AM on Jan. 24, 2009

  • Oh, and also, the most comforting thing to me, was when she told me that no matter the time or the "crime," if I needed a ride home or whatever, that if I called her she'd come get me, and wouldn't punish me for whatever I had done b/c I had done the RIGHT thing by not getting in the car with someone under the influence or whatever. I never had to call her.
    ktrog

    Answer by ktrog at 11:32 AM on Jan. 24, 2009

  • I think it's wonderful that you and your daughter have good communication. I allow my daughter to go places with groups of friends whom I know and trust. I also keep communication open with my daughters friends parents. If my daughter is going for a sleepover, I call the mom to make sure it's okay and know what the plans are. A parent will drop my daughter and her friends off at the mall while another parent will pick them up. My daughter knows she is not allowed to leave the mall until a parent is at a meeting place to pick her up. I also have my daughter check in before she is in to see a movie and she will give me a call when the movie ends. So far my daughter has not lost my trust and has been responsible with her freedom.

    mommiedear

    Answer by mommiedear at 1:23 PM on Jan. 24, 2009

  • At 14, I would let her be at the mall with her friends but I would take her and be in the mall. I guess it would depend how far the mall was and how crazy. If she is living in that kind of city, she needs to do more than a 14 yo in a small town I would think. It's more "normal" for kids to take the bus to the mall? If you know and trust her friends pretty much and you can't take her yourself, she will likely be fine. Have her call when she gets there, when she leaves and do not allow her to leave the mall to go anywhere else. If you can accompany them though, do. You will feel better if you are in the same vicinity even if you aren't right on top of them.
    happi-ladi

    Answer by happi-ladi at 4:06 PM on Jan. 24, 2009

  • She wants to just go to the mall? I see nothing wrong with that but if you are uncomfortable you could show up at the mall and check things out.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 7:58 PM on Jan. 24, 2009

  • LOL... im not laughing at your question... im just laughing at my child hood.... i went out alone since i was like honestly 8.... played on the block alone with friends and got dropped off at the mall and stuff.... lived in west philly too.... lol..
    kwiseman19

    Answer by kwiseman19 at 11:45 PM on Jan. 24, 2009

close Cafemom Join now to connect to other members! Connect with Facebook or Sign Up Using Email

Already Joined? LOG IN