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My husband treats me like he hates me.

He always belittles me, calling me the "C" word, among other hurtfull names. Says I'm too stupid to even have a conversation with is what he said to me 2 days ago so I haven't said a word to him since. My children are so upset when he treats me badly and end up trying to defend me while my 10 yr old sits in his bedroom and cries. I can't afford not to have his financial support (unemployment checks right now), I wouldn't be able to support my 3 kids by my self. He's not even a "Husband" anymore, just a roommate. The only time he doesn't treat me bad is when we are in public. My friends always tell me how cool my husband is and I hate it becuase they just don't know how he treats me once we are alone.

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themainescene

Asked by themainescene at 8:04 AM on Apr. 10, 2012 in Relationships

Level 1 (3 Credits)
Answers (8)
  • Has he always been like this? If it's new behavior, it could have to do with the fact that he is mostly upset with himself because he doesn't have a job to support you and the family. In my 47 years of marriage, there's one big lesson I've learned: The only emotion men feel they are allowed to express is anger. To admit fear or any other kind of weakness is considered to be not manly. Anger is the manly emotion. The result of this is that the more he becomes fearful, the angrier he becomes. All these emotions affect his sex drive and everything else about the man. What he needs in these times is to know his wife doesn't blame him for the situation they are in and that she still loves, supports, and encourages him in spite of it all. He lets it all spew out on you probably because he's feels you love him enough to understand. If he was a jerk when you married him, then none of this applies, of course.
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 8:28 AM on Apr. 10, 2012

  • He's abusive and you and your children do need to get away from him. Go to your local welfare office and ask to speak with a social worker. She can set you up with an abuse/crisis counselor and get you some monetary support and help you to get away from him, even get a court order to make him leave your house but still have to pay the bills until you are collecting assistance or get a job or what ever. You can also get child support while you are separated, my husband lives with his parents and pays CS to me.
    sistersage

    Answer by sistersage at 8:56 AM on Apr. 10, 2012

  • I wouldn't be going places with him anymore. Time for you to fight back it sounds like. Your silence is him sign that you are week.
    Don't stay becase he is your meal ticket. If you can leave. If you can't do something to make him leave so you can get PA.
    louise2

    Answer by louise2 at 10:03 AM on Apr. 10, 2012

  • NannyB. Made a lot pf good points, but calling you the "C" word and belittling you by saying you are stupid is emotional abuse and it is unnaceptable. It is NOT your job to understand why he is treating you so badly, it is your job to remove yourself and your children from an abusive environment. It may feel there is no way out because you are dependent on him financially but there are women who leave abusive men every day..go to your welfare office, they will help you, they'll give you a list of shelters and people you can go to for help. I was put on assistance after they sent me to a psychologist and it was determined that I had PTSD and depression due to the abuse I endured, that qualified me for financial assistance. They gave me money every month and also gave me a food allowance. There IS help available for you, you just have to make the choice to REACH OUT and FIND IT. Good luck to you hun. YOU CAN DO THIS.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:33 AM on Apr. 10, 2012

  • i couldn't deal with that
    smiley745

    Answer by smiley745 at 11:42 AM on Apr. 10, 2012

  • WOMEN'S SHELTER NOW. DO not spend another day under that roof.

    Go wherever you need to... get away from him.
    gdiamante

    Answer by gdiamante at 12:02 PM on Apr. 10, 2012

  • So go and get a job or look into other options. Be proactive.
    Dardenella

    Answer by Dardenella at 1:40 PM on Apr. 10, 2012

  • He treats you that way because you let him. STAND UP FOR YOURSELF, TAKE CHARGE, TELL HIM HE CANNOT TALK TO OR TREAT YOU LIKE THAT, and determine today to get out of that abusive situation as quickly as possible. Shelters, family, friends, pa, emergency help, a job....
    meooma

    Answer by meooma at 3:35 PM on Apr. 10, 2012

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