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2 Bumps

Was this too much? Was I too hard on her??

My DD is over 4 and has been going through this super testy phase recently. Like everyday for the las 3 years of her life before dinner is time for the kids to clean the living room up. Put away toys, use the sweeper, put the pillows and such back away... That kind of stuff. WE recently she has been pulling this "I'm too tired" thing then after sitting in time out she wil do it but whine the whole time. Well tonight I warned her I was over the whining and asked her is she was going to clean up the living room and eat hamburgers with the family and get dessert or eat a cheese sandwich in her room - get no dessert and loose her favorite toys- since she can't seem to clean anything up. She chose her room and when I took away her doll house she said she didn't care and I could take all of them... so I did. Every toy. I tried to leave the stuffed monkey she sleeps with but she told me to take that too. So I did. So she ate a boring dinner alone and went straight to bed in an empty room... What do you think?? I just don't think she thoguht I was serious. But man, I am over it.

* I wanted to add that other than an initial "You hurt my feelings!!!"  She has not said one word.  Not evena wimper from her.  Seh is unphased I guess.  ::sigh:: 

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 6:31 PM on Apr. 10, 2012 in Preschoolers (3-4)

Answers (18)
  • tired, but just doesn't want to do the picking up, at least her claim of being tired is connected to that consequence so it isn't about manipulation.

    Or, she has to do the picking up before dinner as a matter of procedure and her dinner will be waiting for her when she is done. The family sits down to eat and she can have some when she is done with the procedure. That way it isn't withholding dinner, just saying first this, then this. Maybe make races and time kids to see who does it the fastest?

    If she is whining, don't respond and tell her why. Tell her you can't understand and that makes you want to close your ears. If she wants you to listen to her she needs to talk in a normal voice.

    Just some stuff we do...
    Bellarose0212

    Answer by Bellarose0212 at 10:29 AM on Apr. 16, 2012

  • Um, I think it was ineffective.

    She is in a feelings battle with you and she is winning.

    You are trying to manipulate her with food and toys and she knows it. She is out to say, "I don't care, you can't manipulate me."

    I think, in the future, you will have the same battle of you trying to figure out ways to manipulate her and her trying to find ways to not care, not show emotion, one-up you.

    This is coming from someone who has tried the manipulation tacts and they don't work for me either.

    I think you need some connection. Reflect her feelings. Let her tell you about her feelings or draw about them. Find out what is going on with her. Maybe make clean-up time more fun (my daughter only wants to do it if we do it together and play clean-up songs on youtube).

    At the very least, logical consequences would make more sense. I.e. If she is tired she can go lay in bed with the lights out and rest. Even if she isn't
    Bellarose0212

    Answer by Bellarose0212 at 10:26 AM on Apr. 16, 2012

  • Oh wow.... she sounds like a teenager! lol.

    I think you were right for taking away all of her things, I would've done the same thing. If she can't clean up after herself, then she doesn't need to have anything to clean up. I would keep them away from her for a few days. I'm really surprised that she is acting like she doesn't care. My DD would be freaking out.

    I do agree with some other posters that you should've let her eat dinner with the family. I never refuse to give DD food even if she is behaving badly. If she refuses to eat, I still won't make her something else. She either eats what I cooked, or doesn't eat at all and waits for the next meal. The only thing I would refuse to give her is dessert. If she refuses to do "chores" and is acting whiney, then she doesn't deserve dessert.

    Just stick to your guns and don't cave in!
    poptart0325

    Answer by poptart0325 at 2:18 PM on Apr. 11, 2012

  • OP, when DD was little, she used to run past us and go put herself in timeout. We knew it meant she had done something she wasn't supposed to do. Lol

    Time out never phased her.

    I would just try giving her a lot of extra attention and more time talking with her. Most likely it is a phase she will grow out of.
    Mom2Just1Kiddo

    Answer by Mom2Just1Kiddo at 9:56 PM on Apr. 10, 2012

  • My DD laughs at time out. She will sit there and smirk until the timer goes off. She is not stupid. Sitting in the kitchen staring at the wall may be boring but she is totally okay with it. I think she daydreams... Sometimes she will tell me she is not putting her shoes in the basket she will just go to time out instead. Or my favorite is when she puts a toy I asked her to carry upstairs away and she tells me she would rather just put it in the trash.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 8:58 PM on Apr. 10, 2012

  • Using food as a reward or punishment can create eating disorders. Bedrooms should be a refuge from the world, not a prison
    We have a no whining policy; whining is an instant five minute timeout.
    rkoloms

    Answer by rkoloms at 8:55 PM on Apr. 10, 2012

  • OP, lol. So sweet!

    Nothing wrong with taking her toys. The only thing I would do differently is not tie it to food. Then we would be having a long talk about how the family functions, cooperation, and that sometimes we simply must do things we don't want to do. Good luck!
    Mom2Just1Kiddo

    Answer by Mom2Just1Kiddo at 7:30 PM on Apr. 10, 2012

  • Stay calm and matter of fact about all of it. Go over again that you are all members of a family that does things to keep the house organized and neat. Stick with it. The attitude will pass. Don't ever withhold love though.
    whitepeppers

    Answer by whitepeppers at 7:19 PM on Apr. 10, 2012

  • Wow, she's only four!! Your in for a ride.:) I say go with your gut. Your her mother and you know what works. You did what you said you were going to do and hopefully she will shape up. I know it makes you feel horrible especially after when you see she has not caved in and just did what you asked. That's why being a parent is not always fun. Hang in there!! Hugs.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:09 PM on Apr. 10, 2012

  • Mostly all I get is "Because I just don't want to." and i's kinda funny-but not- because she says it in this totally sad voice like she really wishes she did want to. lol.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 7:07 PM on Apr. 10, 2012

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