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Cheating or not cheating???

I recently found out entirely by accident, that my husband of 7 years has a huge lesbian fettish and has been leading a double life on the internet.

He's portrayed himself as a woman and has been im-ing, emailing and recieving pictures of other females, as well as frequently visiting disgusting websites.

We've talked in the past and i've explained to him many times how i was uncomfortable with him visiting these pornographic websites. I do understand though that men have needs- and was fine with him getting a "mens" magazine- it's not as personal as talking dirty to a real person on the internet. ( think that's a decent compromise).

Our relationship has been rocky for a while and I feel like this is it for me. Whether he is prentending he"s a woman or not, he is still having sex and getting personal with other woman on the internet. Any advice ladies - does anyone else see it as cheating like i do?

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 3:50 PM on Jan. 24, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (13)
  • I think there may be a very real possibility your husband may have a GID(Gender identity disorder). If you have any desire to work on the relationship at this point you should seek counseling immediately. He may not be ready to admit it...but I see huge red flags waving. I hope I'm wrong and it all works out for you. To answer the question specifically..yes, it is cheating in my book.

    Answer by GrnEyedGrandma at 3:55 PM on Jan. 24, 2009

  • I think he just has a problem. Cheating or not cheating he needs some mental help.

    Answer by MrsTGray at 3:58 PM on Jan. 24, 2009

  • You could try counseling. I'd also suggest talking with a minister. I'm afraid that this would be that final straw on the camel's back for me. It isn't cheating, but it isn't an indicator of a person I would like to be around, much less married to. If you can tolerate this behavior then it is your choice, but if you find it intolerable then it is time to take action.

    Answer by Bmat at 4:01 PM on Jan. 24, 2009

  • I think this constitutes as crossing the line. You guys probably could benefit from some counseling.

    Answer by PaceMyself at 4:09 PM on Jan. 24, 2009

  • Porn is one thing. Those are just pictures and videos. This is interacting with another person in a sexual way. Yea I am so sorry but in my book that is cheating.

    Answer by pnwmom at 4:22 PM on Jan. 24, 2009

  • no I don't see it as cheating. It's just a fantasy. He's a man looking at women? They call that lesbian fetish now? Most men I know love to watch two women having sex and they sure as shootin' don't have any lesbian fetish. It's called lust and watching it simply fulfills his fantasy. I don't think that has to do with cheating. We all have fantasies. that is all they are.

    Answer by admckenzie at 5:12 PM on Jan. 24, 2009

  • Cheating an more decieving , hes not wating to be a lesbian. Sounds like his fetish of how the woman would be with a woman,( just seen that in a movie) Its either is against you or filling his fantasies. If its a problem on his part, you can overcome it.

    Answer by ssspw-world at 6:18 PM on Jan. 24, 2009

  • Id consider it a form of cheating.
    He's betraying your trust and he's going back on things you two discussed and had worked out,etc.
    He's flat out lying to you as well as these other ladies he's chit-chatting with and that is just wrong in so many ways.

    The porn wouldnt bother me but the lying would.

    Answer by BonesDragonDew at 6:24 PM on Jan. 24, 2009

  • omg i know "him" he's hawt

    Answer by godofmyworld at 7:45 PM on Jan. 24, 2009

  • I do not consider this cheating at all. Be a little more open-minded. Its a fantasy, not an affair. Why not try getting involved in some way... Be a part of his fantasy. Every guy has at least one... This is most certainly not a deal breaker in my eyes.
    If its that important to you, tell him! Tell him you are ready to leave if he doesn't stop... if he doesn't at least try, then its not worth your effort.

    Answer by LovinMyMikayla at 8:29 PM on Jan. 24, 2009

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