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Why do people lie to birth mothers to adopt babies?

Over time and time again I have hard birthmother's say that they were promised pictures, visits, contact, etc., only to be completely cut off.



My situation is different. My parents adopted my son. The promises were that I would be able to be a big part of his life, I could come and visit anytime I wanted to ,etc. The big one that was part of the agreement was that I would be put in the will if anything were to happen to my parents he would come back to me..



Well after a year of pleading and asking if they were going to make the will they decided not. Why, why would people LIE like that? It doesn't help that I completely regret the decision of my placing my son up for adoption, but they have to take away my last hope of ever having him be mine?




I am stable... I've always been stable. I'm a 21 year-old college student. I also work part-time. I am very responsible. So..?

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 6:50 PM on Jan. 24, 2009 in Adoption

Answers (16)
  • hopefully they will change their minds again
    SThompson21

    Answer by SThompson21 at 6:53 PM on Jan. 24, 2009

  • I just can't bare if anything were to happen to my parents that he would be taken away from me again...
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:53 PM on Jan. 24, 2009

  • i think you should try to have a rational adult discussion with your parents. tell them how you feel and then if they still refuse you should ask them why. for a good reason. then go from there. good luck to you and your son
    SThompson21

    Answer by SThompson21 at 6:55 PM on Jan. 24, 2009

  • Those are the kinds of things that you get in WRITING and notorized. ANYTIME you are promised something like that, you get it in writing.

    I'm not sure why your parents are acting the way they are, but hopefully they'll come to their senses and live up to their end of the bargin.
    .Peaches.

    Answer by .Peaches. at 6:59 PM on Jan. 24, 2009

  • Just goes to show you that "family" adoptions can go just as bad and your own family can be liars as well.
    Nobody's perfect. Not even birthmothers.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:39 PM on Jan. 24, 2009

  • I'm not commenting on your case in particular because I don't know enough, but I think it is a character issue. I'm an AMom of two children. My 4yo dd's birthmom is one of my best friends. We are closer than I ever thought we'd be. We're still getting to know our infant's birthmom.

    It has to be very difficult to assess a person's character and truthfulness if it's someone you really don't know. I think it is a good idea to have an agency involved, when that is possible. I know that our adoption agency will call the adoptive parents and read them the riot act if they don't live up to their agreement to stay in touch.

    I hope your parents will come around and keep their word.
    Iamgr8teful

    Answer by Iamgr8teful at 11:54 PM on Jan. 24, 2009

  • I'm sorry that you are going through this, but this isn't always the case.
    We are in the middle of an adoption right now - just waiting for the birth! We love the birthmother and encourage her to keep in touch. If anything, we'd like more contact!
    I hope your parents change their mind.
    Jill42721

    Answer by Jill42721 at 1:16 PM on Jan. 25, 2009

  • Maybe this is not the case ALL the time....in fact, I agree that it is not. However, if you read posts in birth mom groups here, you will discover that it happens way too often that promises are made and broken by some aparents on a regular basis. It seems that some paps will promise almost anything to get a baby, believing that they have to do so. Many aparents honor their promises, but too many do not, and I think it is because there are no consequences when they break promises.
    Southernroots

    Answer by Southernroots at 8:37 PM on Jan. 25, 2009

  • I dont think an agency being involved is always a good thing. In fact, I have heard from more then one person that the agency has often hindered their attempts at communications. I know my agency does.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:13 PM on Jan. 25, 2009

  • I think the answer is that while many paps go into the adoption believing they will be open, they are completely unprepared for what that means. I think it's just another way the adoption industry fails the adoption triad. (I realize there are some paps that agree to open adoption knowing full well they have no intention of keeping their promises, but I think most paps do).


    To your situation I think it's because unlike most paps who have to go through the process and many are sent to classes and seminars about adoption, people who adopt a child of a relative usually don't. They nothing about adoption.

    onethentwins

    Answer by onethentwins at 9:13 PM on Jan. 25, 2009

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