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Advancing in life too quickly, and life won't give a chance to slow down for a family

I'm currently struggling with frustration that I have spent my years working very hard, and life's not given me a chance for a family. I had a daughter at age 24 that has grown up to be a beautiful young lady. But I never had the satisfaction of being a "mom" to her. Being that I'm almost 41 (next month), life has grabbed me again in the same way it has before. I feel that by the time I resurface, I will be no longer fertile to have another child. Age 45 is the cutoff age for most clinics. The last ten years has sped by me too fast. How would I be able to put into perspective that I will not be able to have another child in my life, even though I physically can, it's just life will not allow me to do so?

 
BlueSaphire

Asked by BlueSaphire at 8:43 PM on Jan. 24, 2009 in Health

Level 21 (11,698 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (6)
  • It's not having what you want. It's wanting what you've got!

    That's what I've been telling myself since i realized that my son would be an only child. It is what it is, and it's not going to change here.

    And I'm fine with it. If I hadn't figured out that I need to be happy with what I HAVE and to stop obsessing on what won't happen, I wouldn't be so fine.
    gdiamante

    Answer by gdiamante at 1:32 AM on Jan. 25, 2009

  • I am not sure what the hold back is. It sounds like you are yearning to have another child but life is too busy? Life isn't in control of you, you are in control of your life. If you think you are missing out, see if you can simplify your life and devote it more to your child in the present. She is about 16? She is still a minor and home? There are a few years left to be a mom to her. She needs you very much now too. Even if you both think that is far from the truth, if you can't slow down for her, you would likely repeat the scenario with another child, IMO.
    happi-ladi

    Answer by happi-ladi at 8:48 PM on Jan. 24, 2009

  • ooops sorry I read it wrong... I thought it said you had a 24 year old daughter. happi-ladi said it well with her answer. You can still be a mother (if you have felt like you havent been one so far).
    MyMayBaby_Chloe

    Answer by MyMayBaby_Chloe at 8:51 PM on Jan. 24, 2009

  • List the pros and cons of having another child. Think about it very thoroughly. What would you be giving up? Money, position? What is important to you? Is wanting a child just a passing idea but no more lasting than wanting a Cadillac? Imagine if you yearn to have another dhild, imagine how your life would change? Will you then be happy or will you be regretting giving up what you have, if you would indeed be giving up something. Why would you want a child? Be very sure that your motives make sense to your head as well as your heart. Consider adopting an older child, for example, would this work for you? Just some things to think about. I am not trying to talk you out of anything. I wonder if you'd do a follow-up post when you make up your mind?
    Bmat

    Answer by Bmat at 9:12 PM on Jan. 24, 2009

  • All very intelligent answers. Inside there is and always a desire. Reality is what realty is, I'm in a lock in my life. There is no in-between, even for any child of any age. It's just the frustration that I worked very hard to establish a stable life, but a stable life never came to be. It's just having to accept that the "white picket fence" family and lifestyle will never become a reality within my fertile years (what little there is).

    My daughter knows that I love her very much. And I am very lucky that she has turned out to be a well-behaved young lady. Reason why, my daughter was given a supporting life of friends (a sisterhood) from very loving families whos parents that are understanding and close to me as a circle. I return many contributions as a thank you.

    BlueSaphire

    Answer by BlueSaphire at 10:03 PM on Jan. 24, 2009

  • my grandmother had five boys... the fifth was born when she was 45.
    mrsmostafa

    Answer by mrsmostafa at 10:43 PM on Jan. 24, 2009