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My mother and I are no longer speaking to each other?

This is difficult to talk about because my mother and I are no longer speaking to each other because she chooses my father over me. Well, you see for 30 years my parents have been married and have 6 grandkids. But my father has been cheating for years with several women but my mother just keeps taking him back. I always help my mom financially and mentally and try to help her strong but she says she will never take him back. But guess what, she did. I told her if you take him back, I will no longer speak to you again. My mother thinks I am just all talk but now she realizes that I havent spoken to her in 2 months. They fight so much in front of my kids, he likes to drink and party with his friends and knows that my mother is waiting at home for him. He doesnt care about her. I cant take it anymore and every since that, I actually feel good and not stress either. Do you think I am doing the right thing?

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Asked by Anonymous at 9:25 PM on Jan. 24, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (8)
  • Sounds like a good way to send your mom a wake up call, when she realizes that her support system is fed up it might make her think about what she's doing, if she keeps taking back a guy who treats her bad, it shouldn't suprise her for the one who usually picks her up and brushes her off to get a little tired of it. Maybe she'll figure out that she needs to forget him and focus on the people who actually care about her, like you. You're doing the right thing, let her learn the hard way for a little while.

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:32 PM on Jan. 24, 2009

  • i agree with anon above this is a wake up call. she will come around eventually and prlly be brave and leave him. no one is supporting her anymore..she is on her own with this so she has to deal with it herself now. it will prlly become hard for her...she will come around dont worry and btw you are doing the right thing esp if it stressed you out so much! good luck

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:35 PM on Jan. 24, 2009

  • this may seem like an odd way to put it seeings how you are the daughter and she is the mother lol but if the mother bird didnt push the baby bird from the nest do you think it would ever learn to fly on their own? it sounds to me like your mother needs to learn to fly on her own ya know? this may sound harsh but without a shoulder to cry on she may realize that he really isnt there for at all and she would rather have you there for her. Keep in mind though this is a crazy world and every day may be your last or your mothers last, although i dont disagree with your actions i have lost a few to many ppl that meant the world to me and thats the thought that pops in my head. How would you feel if something happened to either one of you while you werent speaking

    Answer by mommie2twogirls at 9:54 PM on Jan. 24, 2009

  • Who are YOU to tell your mother how to live her life? If she keeps taking the jerk back, it must be because she wants to on some level. Maybe she doesn't feel strong enough to live without him. You are not in charge of your mother and you can express your disapproval of what she is doing, but in my opinion you are having a childish tantrum--"You won't do what I say, so I'm not going to talk to you". This is what 4 year olds do. Your mother needs your love especially since your father doesn't sound so dependable.

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:07 PM on Jan. 24, 2009

  • thats a hard call, I know because I went through it with my mom but at the end, when she became ill, I came around again, apologies were extended on both sides, lots of stuff was said and when she passed I did not feel guilty that I had not made my peace.

    Answer by Ibelucky1 at 10:25 PM on Jan. 24, 2009

  • I'm kind of in agreement with everyone, it is not your place to punish your mother (or yourself), because for whatever reason she keeps going back. That you have no control over, you could still choose to have your relationship with her, but not enable her in it by helping with her finances, but being there for her as a sounding board would be good without stating your feelings about what she should do, in most cases it only pushes them back quicker. i just lost my Mom thanksgiving morn, & It would not be well with my soul that we were not on speaking terms. You obviously care very much for your Mom & you have every right to be angry with your Dad for his behavior, nothing wrong with letting him know how you feel. Believe it or not he will get old (God willing) & he will be left to his own thoughts of his life & how he lived it, & then he will regert he could not see the things that really mattered in the end. Good Luck

    Answer by meme4x at 10:49 PM on Jan. 24, 2009

  • All I have to say is this: This is your Mom and Dad and you never know what tomorrow will bring and for your peace of mind, keep in contact so you won't have any problems if tomorrow doesn't come. Just because you talk to her doesn't mean you have to help her financially. Kinda do both, talk but no more money.

    Answer by Kat122 at 7:58 AM on Jan. 25, 2009

  • Huni life is too short. Your mother is your mother and she will not be around forever. You will regret things so much if something happens to your mom and you are not talking to her. Turn the tables how would you feel if your mother were to give you ultimatums like you have given her. Ultimatums are childish and only breed resentment. Get over it, agree to disagree and quit trying to run her life! I am sure that you and your life are far from perfect. Don't let this go on another minute, to do so is very immature. Stop funding her disfunction but going to the extreme of not talking to her is just plain wrong.

    Answer by wyldreams at 12:42 PM on Jan. 27, 2009

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