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Should a foster care adoption be "OPEN" when the birth parents are not safe for the children?

I see many posts about adoptive parents lying to birth parents about pics, visits, open adoptions, etc. I assume these are situations where the parents voluntarily relinquish their rights for what they see as "best" for their children at the time. But what if we know the parents thru CPS visits, rights are terminated, and we are allowed to adopt, and the birth parents still want to have pics & visits w/o following their service plan, getting & staying clean? What about the safety of the children?

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 9:59 PM on Jan. 24, 2009 in Adoption

Answers (24)
  • I think letters and pictures sent through a P.O. Box in a manner that doesnt tell them who or where you are is alright but visits for me would depend on whether there was a harm of physical danger. I think in alot of cases if rights are terminated involuntarily it is up to the adoptive parent to make that choice.

    Answer by m_ellingson at 10:20 PM on Jan. 24, 2009

  • i think pics are fine. if the parents are a danger to the children then of course they should not have contact

    Answer by lilybug524 at 10:26 PM on Jan. 24, 2009

  • I had this really long version of how I feel, but 940 characters was the limit.

    So, here's the short one


    Answer by ksullivan61 at 10:36 PM on Jan. 24, 2009

  • I agree with l ilybug. Brysons birthdad has some issues (he is in prison) and obviously no one would blame us if we wouldn't allow contact. BUT we know he is not in any danger (yes, we are sure). My mom heard "prison" and she was like "Oh God keep that baby away from h im." He has not murdered anyone or anything and we believe it would benefit Bryson to know him as well not just his mother. He's a nice guy.

    Answer by babycakes254 at 10:51 PM on Jan. 24, 2009

  • Its a case by case thing, there is no clear cut answer...every cps case is different;. And alot of them STILL have their rights wrongfully terminated...or they are told they can get their children back after a certain about of time only to find out their rights have been terminated. So, just because its a cps case, don't assume that the parent is unfit. I visit a natural family living forum where ALOT of ppls kids were taken away (wrongfully in my opinion) because there house was not clean, or someone made a false report (maybe an angry ex), or they breastfed their baby 2 long, and the list goes on!

    Answer by babycakes254 at 10:54 PM on Jan. 24, 2009

  • I think letters letting them know the baby is okay is fine and pics. I would make sure not to put an address on it and I would never mail from near your home. Like maybe send it out when you are on vacation. I would not allow visits at all. There is a reason for TPR. That means they aren't safe for the child and the childs safety come first. Good luck.


    Answer by hopingforanange at 12:40 AM on Jan. 25, 2009

  • It's common sense that you protect the child. Why is this even a question? But to me, this applies in situations where the parents have done bad things to & around the child. Not a situation where the child was volutarily placed and the bmom is just a regular person not a drug addict or something. But of course you are always going to have some amom somewhere that is going to use the excuse the is "protecting" the child from the birth family even when the birth family has done nothing wrong.

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:52 PM on Jan. 25, 2009

  • I've worked in the CPS system for 17 years. Yes, it often is the sad case that it is not safe for physical visits of biological parents/family to continue post adoption. However, the needs of the adopted children through foster care still include those core needs of adoptees of voluntary relinquishments. There is a staggeringly high percentage of foster children (adopted or not) that reconnect with their birth family to some degree when they become adults (18+). I would suggest that it would be wise for all adoptive parents to prepare for the possibility that their children will desire some level of information or contact in order to more fully "know" themselves. It isn't about what their biological parents lacked - it's about adoptees wanting to fully know themselves.

    Answer by PortAngeles1969 at 2:09 PM on Jan. 25, 2009

  • No, no and hell no! If the birthparents neglect and abuse their children, are given years to straighten up and refuse to do so, then they should have absolutely no rights. NONE!!!!!! They didn't care enough to take care of their children, keep them safe or nurture them. If I were to let my children see their birthparents, it would only cause them more harm emotionally. These children need to heal. The healing from their past abuse takes years. Years!!! Sometimes these children are never 100% healed emotionally or physically. Why on earth would I allow the people that did this to them ever see them again?? Absolutely not!!!! NO NO NO!!!!!!!

    Answer by Littlebit722 at 8:18 PM on Jan. 25, 2009

  • PortAngeles1969, we tell our girls that if they want to find their biological families when they become adults, that we'll give them all of the info we have to help them (although they'll never be able to reconnect with birthmom since she passed away). However, as long as they are children I will keep them safe and away from these people that abused and neglected them. They need to be able to heal. They have many issues to work on like abandonment, self esteem etc.

    Answer by Littlebit722 at 8:24 PM on Jan. 25, 2009

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