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My 19 (almost 20 yr. old) BFF wants a baby but I don't think she's ready....... Should I butt out???

Im a teen mom and my bestie always says "you're lucky you have one (a kid)" She got really depressed a few times because she thinks she will never be able to have kids but she JUST lost her virginity!!!! Noone diagnosed her with infertility. I try to explain that although I love my son to death, there is more to motherhood than gymboree classes, dressing them up all cute and a car!! (my mom helped me buy a car so it would be easier for me to get around with my son) Its really hard sometimes and I really don't think she's ready. Although she is in college, her job is cutting back hours and what she makes isn't enough for her and her child and her and her bf are ALWAYS fighting. I told her to wait until she finishes school at least but she says I don't understand. We've been BFFs for 15 yrs and I only want her to live her life to the fullest. Any suggestions on how to handle this situation??

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 11:22 PM on Jan. 24, 2009 in Adult Children (18+)

Answers (18)
  • In all honesty, I would not say too much to her. I would only tell her something if she asks you for an opinion. I have learned that when it comes to big choices like this its better you not say TOO much,although you may loveher more then anything and want the best for her... it will start arguments and hard feelings towards each other. JMO.

    Answer by MaiasMommy619 at 11:27 PM on Jan. 24, 2009

  • I would ask her if her current BF is somebody she thinks would make a good dad--NOT father--but DAD. It sounds like he wouldn't:-( Tell her she is responsible for the man that will be involved in her child's life and she really needs to consider that before she gets pregnant. Also, a child isn't about having someone to love you----it about being the best parent you can be to raise that little person into a strong adult. But stress to her that a kid really needs a good dad and that one decision she makes will affect her child for a lifetime!!!!


    Answer by Ronnie80 at 12:44 AM on Jan. 25, 2009

  • If she thinks motherhood is all roses, she isn't as close to you at all. Maybe you ought to tell her and show her about the hard reality of having a child. Good luck!!

    Answer by shmorris56 at 3:08 AM on Jan. 25, 2009

  • I've had the same type of friend. She's 20 and is into the party/drug scene so now we dont talk. But shed always say things about wanting a baby. Shes not even in a monogamous relationship. In fact, I cant remember the last time she has been. I just know what it's like to be a parent, and it's obvious your friend may need a little help understanding what all being a mother comes with. It isnt all roses. You take the good and the bad. I'm not so sure you should say much to her though. Not unless she asks. She might take offense and turn it around on you.

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:07 PM on Jan. 25, 2009

  • Lett her babysitt your son for a week leave it up to her to buy what she needs find him a sitter while shes in school and at workk and what not she'll see its not all gravy and taters [=.

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:11 PM on Jan. 25, 2009

  • I was going to say the same as anon above me... give your son to her for a while... but in all seriousness I also had a baby young (19) , while in an abusive relationship. It was only because of my daughter that I got my head out of my A** and realized what I needed to do with my life to make it better for me and my child. Unfortunately I was already pregnant with the second by the time I left their father. Things did work out for me. Mostly because I made them work. I am now extremely happy, married to a wonderful man (and dad) and about four months away from my bachelor's degree.

    I wouldn't wish it on anybody, it was not easy, but it is also my opinion that a young pregnancy is not the end of the world. It was the beginning of mine.

    Answer by LuckyClown at 4:11 PM on Jan. 25, 2009

  • It sounds like she has baby fever.. like most of us did at that age. Why don't you have her babysit your son? Or stay a whole day and night with and your son? That might be the kicker!

    Answer by rainfalls at 8:06 PM on Jan. 25, 2009

  • I am also a young mom, and i love my son more than anything. I never regret having him. on the other hand.....there are a lot of things that would be easier if i had waited. i would just explain to her that although baby's are a blessing, they are a lot of work. at 19, she is still probably trying to figure out who she is, and i am finding out that it is very hard to explore yourself when your life is devoted to a little baby. you should inform her of the pros and cons, but let the decision be up to her.

    Answer by momofaprodigy at 8:25 PM on Jan. 25, 2009

  • Have her come over in the night when the baby is sick & you have to work & hse has school or whatever the next day & show her what it is to be a mom. May be that will change her mind. Or have her stay with you for a week or so, then she will be cured of "baby fever", I think.

    Answer by dorothyn22 at 9:46 AM on Jan. 26, 2009

  • LOL--I NEVER remember having "baby fever"!!!!

    Answer by Ronnie80 at 11:39 AM on Jan. 26, 2009

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