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If your father's dead and it's the 50th anniversary of your parent's marriage, what would you do for your mother?

Just wondering how people handle these things. My father has been dead for fifteen years. My mother is upset because her would be 50th anniversary is coming up and he left her. She also seems put out that my brother and I don't and never really have acknowledged her anniversary. I barely acknowledge my own and I don't acknowledge my friend's either. Birthdays, yes.

 
happi-ladi

Asked by happi-ladi at 2:07 PM on Jan. 25, 2009 in Relationships

Level 18 (6,167 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (11)
  • 70 is not that old - I am sorry she seems to have given up.

    On the other hand it's rather freeing to know whatever you do is wrong - it's the way I approach life really. If NOTHING is going to be right, I might as well do what I want.

    Are your memories of your father positive? Maybe instead of laying out the $$$ for the roses (completely adorable gesture FYI), write a heartfelt note about a good memory.

    You can't control her reaction - you can only put the positive actions out into the universe.

    Good daughter - you're doing it right!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    Wimsey

    Answer by Wimsey at 2:53 PM on Jan. 25, 2009

  • I think a sweet note and perhaps a small flower arrangement - if it's important to your mother, it should be important to you. We are not big on anniversaries for DH and me (because every day is a celebration - HA!) but some people get hung up on it. I'm sure it's a milestone she wishes she had reached with him.

    Has she moved on? Started to date? Perhaps this would be a good opportunity to gently nudge her that way?
    Wimsey

    Answer by Wimsey at 2:11 PM on Jan. 25, 2009

  • No dating. I wish she would have dated, found some good travel friends. She takes care of herself well but she hangs onto everything. She is bitter and a fault finder when she gets upset. Of course, it will get worse now that she is aging. She will be 70 this year. It's pretty painful really.
    happi-ladi

    Answer by happi-ladi at 2:33 PM on Jan. 25, 2009

  • there's no pleasing her. i was planning on doing something nice, like sending 50 sweetheart roses, her favorite flower. she laid into me though and it's not easy doing the right thing here. thanks for the encouragment.
    happi-ladi

    Answer by happi-ladi at 2:35 PM on Jan. 25, 2009

  • Maybe a nice card and some flowers to let her know that you're thinking of her on what would've been for her, a momentous day.

    BlessedMommy64

    Answer by BlessedMommy64 at 2:44 PM on Jan. 25, 2009

  • My mom passed away in 2007. Last year on my parents anniversary I called my dad and sent a card. He thought it was thoughtful and he cried a little then we shared some funny stories of my mom.
    pagirl71

    Answer by pagirl71 at 2:52 PM on Jan. 25, 2009

  • Without mentioning why you are doing something for her, just do it. Take her some flowers, take her to dinner, spend the day with her, whatever, just know that in her heart, this would have been really special.Better yet, cook her dinner, if she doesn't want to do the other stuff. I know your dad isn't here, but, acknowledge her, even if she gets grumpy. When she gets a little agitated,just pop a kiss right on her until she smiles.
    Kat122

    Answer by Kat122 at 3:14 PM on Jan. 25, 2009

  • My friend had a party with her mom and kids. Then they all signed a cared to the dad and sent it to him tied to a balloon. Her mom and kids really enjoyed it and it helped them feel better.
    Caoimhe_Oona

    Answer by Caoimhe_Oona at 4:57 PM on Jan. 25, 2009

  • Have a nice family gathering. Make a scrapbook for your mother with a bunch of pictures of them together enjoying life. Maybe show videos and just tell some nice stories. Remind her of the good times. Life may not go on forever and you know your father would want your mother to be happy. Just remind her that.
    jroseh68

    Answer by jroseh68 at 5:38 PM on Jan. 25, 2009

  • I had this experience with my grandma when I was in HS. She was weepy on what would have been her 50th anniversary. I spent extra time with her that day and listened to story after story about grandpa. It was so sweet and one of my favorite memories with her.

    Pnukey

    Answer by Pnukey at 11:19 PM on Jan. 25, 2009