Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Am I the only one??/

Am I the only birthmother who doesn't regret giving her baby up for adoption? I gave him life, and a very good one at that, I helped a couple who's only want in life was a family, I didn't have to struggle through life, or go on welfare to support him. I didn't have to put him through his father and myself breaking up, and I feel pretty good about what I did. Am I the minority? And all you birthmothers who think it is a horrible thing, why'd ya do it??

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 1:48 PM on Jul. 20, 2008 in Adoption

Answers (21)
  • I feel good about my decision. I was 15 when my son was born and my boyfriend was about to join the Marine Corp and there was nothing I could do to stop him. We were hooked up with a couple that some friends of mine went to church with and they adopted him. I still can see him whenever I choose, but I thought for his sake it was best if I wasn't around a lot. I get pictures and letters once or twice a year from his adoptive parents. I think it is a much better situation than the one that would have unfolded otherwise.
    Mom1Stepmom1

    Answer by Mom1Stepmom1 at 1:55 PM on Jul. 20, 2008

  • I think that it takes a better mother to admit that they are not equiped to care for a child, whether it be financially, emotionally, or any other reason. You did what you knew was best. I have not been in that situation, but my mother put my brother up for adoption. 20 years later she doesn't regret that decision. She misses him still, but doesn't regret what she did. She knows that he was better off being where he was.
    Jazak

    Answer by Jazak at 2:26 PM on Jul. 20, 2008

  • No, I do not think you are the only birth mother who does not regret her decision, but, I do believe that you are in the minority. Most of the moms I know were not told the truth about the possible lifelong consequences of adoption for them and their children and/or were pressured into "choosing" adoption.

    Many birth moms are okay with their decision until they figure out what it is really like. I was pressured, scared, weak and believed at the time, it was for the best...but, I made that decision knowing very little about adoption, trusting others and believing the hype. It took me over 30 years to wake up.
    Southernroots

    Answer by Southernroots at 5:15 PM on Jul. 20, 2008

  • You made a very difficult, wise, selfless decision to give your child a better life. What's to regret? You know you did the best thing for your child and that should be rewarded! God Bless You!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:31 PM on Jul. 20, 2008

  • Okay - for everyone who thinks that adoption is such a wonderful thing....(please note, I am NOT posting anonymously)....
    Ask the adoptees. We have a higher suicide rate, a higher divorce rate, and a higher incidence of depression than the general population.

    Being given away like an unwanted puppy is a terrible thing to overcome emotionally. OP - you think you did a great thing? Ask him when he's 18 or 19.
    lawmom623

    Answer by lawmom623 at 7:22 PM on Jul. 20, 2008

  • I think you did an incredibly selfless thing. God Bless You for giving your child the best life you believe you could possibly have given him.

    I think, and this is my opinion, that how most adoptees handle the emotions of this issue has a lot, maybe not all--but a lot, to do with how the aparents choose to handle telling them they are adopted(open and honest from early on or hiding it and they find out some other way), how the aparents react to their children seeking out their bioparents, and how the bioparents handle/explain things when and IF they find each other. I feel that also, in part, have to do with how the adoptees handle the parts of those situations that they have control over themselves(confrontational or otherwise). Does anyone feel that this could be true?
    romeece

    Answer by romeece at 8:20 PM on Jul. 20, 2008

  • My husband was adopted...his birth and father couldn't take care of him. his father was in prison at the time of his birth and his mother was un-stable. We have seen his birth mother a few times and there is no way to could have taken care of him. His adoptive parents (mom and dad) tried for 10 years to have a baby and couldn't. Then, Jimi came along and brightened their world! If he hadn't been adopted he would have gone through 2 divorces with his birth mother and at times might not have had a stable place to live. God blessed me and his parents for sending him our way. I thank the Lord everyday that he was adopted and that I found him.
    You did what was right for you and God bless you for knowing what that was at a stressful time in your life. Not all adoptions end pretty, but some do! Good for you for feeling good about it! Put'n those good vibes out there!
    1hotlilmama

    Answer by 1hotlilmama at 10:07 PM on Jul. 20, 2008

  • lawmom, I'm the OP, and I have asked my son how he feels about it. He knows the unstable life he would have had if I had kept him. My sister is adopted. She has no bad feelings about it. She would have also had a horrible life, if not given to my parents.She too placed a baby for adoption. If she had any reserves about it, she wouldn't have done it. My cousins are adopted. They are very thankful for life provided to them. My family, and other families have been formed by adoption. No one I know that has been adopted feels like they were given away like an "unwanted puppy". They're thankful they were given life, and a good life at that.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:17 PM on Jul. 20, 2008

  • "What's to regret?" - If one of your children was taken from you tomorrow, would you miss them? How can people really believe that most mothers who relinquish babies do not love them and want to lose them? Relinquishing a child is often a decision borne out of fear and desperation. How can most mothers NOT regret losing a child to adoption?
    Southernroots

    Answer by Southernroots at 12:25 AM on Jul. 21, 2008

  • Just to be clear, I didn't start this post to cause problems. I just want to know why so many birthmothers are opposed to it, while I'm not.

    With that said, I guess I don't regret it because I knew I was in no position to raise a child. I was a child myself. I loved him enough to provide him with a loving, stable, family, where he would have a future. I didn't want him to suffer needlessly.
    Sure, I would curl up and die if someone where to take my children from me today. But someone didn't take my child away. I chose adoption. No one forced me into it. So I guess that answers my question. Some mothers where forced into it, or told lies about it. That, I agree, is heartbreaking.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:18 AM on Jul. 21, 2008

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.
close Cafemom Join now to connect to other members! Connect with Facebook or Sign Up Using Email

Already Joined? LOG IN