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Do you feel compelled? And what would you do?

Ok, my DD spends the night at friends every so often. Do you feel compelled to reciprocate and have that friend over to your house? DD was over at a friends last night and called this morning to see if the friend could come over to play. I said yes cause I felt bad that DD always stays there and her friend never stays here. This is the reason, my DD is a major brat when she has friends over. She tries to show off to her friends and do what she knows she is not allowed. Just this afternoon she was sneaking into my room and she knows better. I corrected her and she went crying into the bathroom saying I was embarrassing her. She is very well behaved when she stays the night elsewhere but never when friends are here. I feel so bad that I let her go to friends but I hate when her friends come here. How do I fix this and should I even feel bad?

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jajumommy2000

Asked by jajumommy2000 at 3:57 PM on Jan. 25, 2009 in School-Age Kids (5-8)

Level 5 (99 Credits)
Answers (7)
  • If she cant handle having friends over without obeying the rules then they dont come over AND I would tell her on top of that next time she asks to go somewhere you will say no based on the behavior you are seeing. Dont feel bad. Being a mom means being unpopular sometimes. We werent put on this planet to please them and cater to them or be their best friends 100% of the time. Sometimes parenting means saying no.
    gemgem

    Answer by gemgem at 3:59 PM on Jan. 25, 2009

  • I would talk to her next time she asks to have a friend over, tell her that your rules are not going to change just because someone is over AND if she breaks a rule then she will be (insert consequence here). IF she gets embarrassed at being reprimanded then it is HER responsibility to NOT break the rules when her friends are over.
    Then I would let her have a friend over and "test the waters". Follow through with what you discussed and if your daughter gets embarrassed then so be it, she will not learn how to behave when friends are over if you avoid the opportunity to learn.

    Be sure to discuss her behavior after the friend leaves, the good and the not so good.
    indigostone

    Answer by indigostone at 4:15 PM on Jan. 25, 2009

  • She needs to understand that she needs to obey the rules no matter what, and if she can't when friends are over then she will not be allowed to have friends over, nor will she be allowed to over to the friend's house either until she can behave appropriately. It is not fair to let her stay over at someone else's house and not reciprocate.
    pbgibson

    Answer by pbgibson at 4:24 PM on Jan. 25, 2009

  • I would not allow her to sleep over friends houses if she is going to act that way when friends come over to your house.
    MrsPilat

    Answer by MrsPilat at 4:31 PM on Jan. 25, 2009

  • Thanks. I dont feel bad that she wants friends to stay over and I say no to her, I feel bad that she stays over at friends homes and I wont let anyone stay here. I have stopped her from staying at friends in the past because I feel she is too immature. I have just started to let her again recently. And trust me, I have NO PROBLEM being unpopular, lol. I just wanted other opinions.
    jajumommy2000

    Answer by jajumommy2000 at 5:38 PM on Jan. 25, 2009

  • She can't get better at having friend over without some practice.
    Spell out to her that she can have company, but she'd better uphold the rules. If she doesn't, she'll be put in timeout, in her room, alone, while you chat with her company. If she doesn't want to be embarrassed, she'll be good.
    All kids show out when they are around their friends - she has to learn not to. This is a social skill, and we're not born with it - although some kids seem to be, they just learn faster.
    3gymnastsmom

    Answer by 3gymnastsmom at 10:33 PM on Jan. 25, 2009

  • How old is she? Why was she sneaking into your room? I would tell her that if you want friends over you need to behave
    camtri3

    Answer by camtri3 at 11:49 PM on Jan. 25, 2009

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