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Do you ever feel like the recommendations and processes of adoption treat triad members like commodities?

So this stems from another recent Q&A. The more I hear from all triad members (birth parents, adoptees, and adoptive parents) as well as prospective adoptive parents I am struck by how the marketing of adoption (as an industry) is similar to so many other "sales and marketing" tactics. When I hear of the shock of PAPs who have to submit 40+ photographs, are encouraged to re-write their profiles over and over, shell out thousands upon thousands of dollars in advance, etc. I can't help but wonder why we all put up with this? Why do we all put up with this?

 
PortAngeles1969

Asked by PortAngeles1969 at 7:41 PM on Jan. 25, 2009 in Adoption

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Answers (18)
  • cont...
    I feel I have done my research and have chosen an agency that is doing it right - encouraging open adoptions and providing counselling for all members of the triad, but I know not everyone can or does do their research. And maybe some prefer to live in denial about the practices of adoption professionals - because it does seem to facilitate quicker adoptions. While I'm embarassed to admit it, there is a small part of me that sees the "ads" with the price tags and wishes I could afford to pay the ridiculous price so that I could bring home the child I've dreamed of- and so I can see why people choose that path -it's quicker and fulfills that "need".
    muptgirl

    Answer by muptgirl at 3:40 PM on Jan. 26, 2009

  • Because in the begining we are not well informed of WHAT ELSE is out there. It's all we know at the time. Anything else seems/feels difficult and out of reach... like how I felt about parenting my son.

    I knew there was help.. I just didn't know HOW to get it. Like I said.. it seemed/felt out of my reach.
    rainfalls

    Answer by rainfalls at 8:01 PM on Jan. 25, 2009

  • A lady I work with was puzzled as to why there are so many commercials out there from adoption lawyers. You know the ones "Are you pregnant, scared, alone? We're here to help...blah blah blah". I told her it's because they make a huge profit off of each adoption(there's no shortage of PAP's so you won't hear a commercial looking for them). I had no idea at the time my son was placed how much the lawyer was making on my sweet baby and it makes me sick. Something definetly needs to change! Why should lawyers get such a profit? I would have much rathered that money stay with the aparents to go towards my son's college or whatever. The agencies and lawyers should care about the best interest of each baby instead of the best interest of their wallet!
    summerleigh

    Answer by summerleigh at 8:13 PM on Jan. 25, 2009

  • Truthfully, I think desperation is what keepsso many putting up with this. On one side, you have the frightened, expectant woman who is desperate and not given the help she deserves. On the other side you have p-aparents who so desperately want a child of their own. In the middle of this, you throw the money hungry adoption industry who loves to take advantage of all that desperation. And what you have in the end, is a child who has no voice in everything that is happening in "THEIR" interest and a lot of desperation feeding money into the cycle to keep such "marketing" strategies in play in an area they never should belong.
    casjoh

    Answer by casjoh at 8:14 PM on Jan. 25, 2009

  • Truly, I had not thought through the exploitation side of adoptive parents which makes sense because I am an adoptee and birth mom. But I had a long talk with my adoptive mom recently about this (whom I love and respect) to reallly "hear" her experience and it finally dawned on me that all of the triad members are being taken advantage of to some extent. Anyhow, maybe people with think that this question is meant to stir up drama (that's not my intent). I honestly want to know why we don't do something about it collectively? If it DOES get all drama then I'll delete it for that is not my desire. Hoping for a constructive conversation.
    PortAngeles1969

    Answer by PortAngeles1969 at 8:44 PM on Jan. 25, 2009

  • I think casjoh nailed it. prosective adoptive moms and women in crisis pregnancy are desparate and the adoption industry capitalizes on all that. I'd like to bet that most p-aps aren't deliberately trying to dupe a mother out of her baby, I'd like to bet they just think "well someone's going to adopt it, why not me". I'll bet they would much rather know that they hadn't hurt anyone. Money, it's the root of all evil.
    onethentwins

    Answer by onethentwins at 8:59 PM on Jan. 25, 2009

  • In my mind, there is no doubt that all parties to an adoption are exploited. And yet, I think aparents put up with what they do because they believe that it is the only way to adopt and so they say nothing and go along with the program. I do know some adoptive parents that are so disillusioned with agencies that they bypass them. Unfortunately, some of the techniques they may use are not terribly ethical either, so that isn't the perfect solution.

    The only way adoption will ever change is if and when collectively adoptive and birth parents unite and insist that changes must occur. There are some groups that exist that work towards change and they are our best hope for reform in my opinion. Plus, we must educate the public for the need for change. Many people have no idea about all the corruption, etc. that goes on in adoption. I only learned of it myself in the past 5-6 years.
    Southernroots

    Answer by Southernroots at 9:07 PM on Jan. 25, 2009

  • Perhaps this is just too sensitive of an area for P-APs or APs to speak on (even if anon)? Perhaps people do feel like they are being baited because it is a question posed by an adoptee and birthmom? Sometimes it makes me very sad that there is such a distance between triad members. I would hope that our adoption journeys would in "some" things bring us closer. There is nothing to be lost (on any side) by wanting the process to better serve the triad! I did get a couple of very honest and brave APs on the other post that agreed that the advice given by agencies can mislead well-meaning and intentioned P-AP's into conducting themselves in a way may not reflect their true intentions. How is letting this continue fair to anyone?
    PortAngeles1969

    Answer by PortAngeles1969 at 2:52 PM on Jan. 26, 2009

  • It's truely pathetic that the adoptions industry has become an industry to begin with. These are innocent children's lives not a money making opportunity.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:27 PM on Jan. 26, 2009

  • I'm a little fearful of backlash - but all I can do is share my perspective. I think we put up with it because there doesn't seem to be another option. When hubby and I began we were overwhelmed, particularly since we hoped to adopt an infant. One of my biggest fear as we started the journey was wanting to do things legally and "by the books" and to avoid potential scams which is why we chose to go with an agency and tried to choose one that operated "ethically" (the SW/director is a birthmom herself, and their fees are very low and they do not "market"). I think that is why we put our trust into "adoption professionals" - expecting them to lead us through the process smoothly and ethically. Even though the evidence is to the contrary (as so many agencies do neither) - who else do we have to turn to?
    muptgirl

    Answer by muptgirl at 3:40 PM on Jan. 26, 2009

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