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How do i say back off without being disrespectful

Right Now my husband, daughter, and I live with his grandmother. Due to us trying to sell my husbands condo. We've lived with her for a year this Feb. She has slowly taken over my role a mother to my daughter. "she's had 6 kids and knows what she's doing" When i lay her down to nap after only minutes she decides that my daughter isn't ready for nap and removes her from her room because she wasn't instantly asleep. I have to guard her door to keep her out and all night she looks in which wakes her and instead of putting her back to bed she lets her stay up. Most recently it was very cold and she wanted to take her on a walk and My husband and I said NO and she worked my daughter up wanting to go we had to argue for 15 min before she'd give up the idea. Basically what i say doesn't matter and she does the opposite. How should i tell her to back off respectfully because we aren't really ready to move out?


Asked by amommy2a2yrold at 8:55 PM on Jan. 25, 2009 in General Parenting

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This question is closed.
Answers (7)
  • I know EXACTLY what you are saying lol! My mother-in-law moved in with us for almost 3 months when my husband deployed a couple summers ago. She just immediately took over the "mother" role in the house. She decided what was and was not okay for my kids to do, watch, eat, etc...I finally had to tell her that I appreciated her help and her input, but that I needed to raise my children my own way and that if she had any suggestions she thought would be helpful I would be glad to discuss them with her but she was not helping by allowing them to do things I normally would not have, or by not allowing them to do things I normally allow them to do. She in turn apologized because she knows she can be overbearing, but yours may not be so apologetic. I would try the same thing though. It's worth a try.

    Answer by AprilDJC at 10:33 PM on Jan. 25, 2009

  • "With all due respect, Grandma...she is our daughter and I ask you let us raise her as we see fit."

    Answer by TiccledBlue at 8:59 PM on Jan. 25, 2009

  • There isn't a good resolution to your problem short of you moving out. Be cautious in telling her to back off. Respectful or not she may tell you you are not welcome anymore. Remember this though. She cannot just throw you out. It has been your primary residence now for almost a year. Regardless whether rent is paid or not. She must serve you eviction noticeand give you 30 days.

    Answer by GrnEyedGrandma at 9:00 PM on Jan. 25, 2009

  • She would never kick us out but we've had this talk with her a time or two. I've told her she's my daughter i wanna make my own choices for her and i would like you to follow threw with what i say it was all in one ear and out the other

    Answer by amommy2a2yrold at 9:20 PM on Jan. 25, 2009

  • Since she is family and is doing you a considerable favor then you don't want to resort to legal measures. She is out of line in waking the child up. For a few weeks you could shrug it off, but for a year this is a problem. Could you say every time Oh Grandma, I really want her to sleep more. or Oh Grandma, I know you are trying to help, but she really needs to sleep more. or I really appreciate your helping, but she really needs to sleep more. or I am going to put her to bed now. let's see if she'll sleep. We'll give her 20 minutes before getting her up, what do you think? Or... let her feel that she is making decisions and is in charge. Say the baby can hardly keep her eyes open, what do you think about putting her to bed for half an hour? ...

    Answer by Bmat at 9:22 PM on Jan. 25, 2009

  • I am active in my daughters life she steps in and pushes herself into my role and tries to be the mother she would never kick us out. It's not that hostle enviroment more like she's stepping on my toes as the mother and doing more than i want to become the mother figure

    Answer by amommy2a2yrold at 9:25 PM on Jan. 25, 2009

  • Considering all the advice that has been given here and your reply to the posts, I would say that the ONLY way you are going to be able to peacefully resolve this situation is to move out. I know you said guys aren't ready to move, but if you don't move soon, then you will simply have to suck it up and accept whatever granny says & does.

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:11 AM on Jan. 26, 2009