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My boyfriend doesnt want children

I am absolutely 100% certain that I want more children. I have 2 from previous relationships. He knew going in to the relationship that I loved being a mother and I was not done having children. He is an amazing parent to my 2 kids. However last night I brought up that I want to discuss having more children, he says he doesn't want any ever, apparently there are many reasons but the only one he mentioned was that he didn't want to bring children in to a world like this.

I feel absolutely torn because with every single fiber of my being I want more children, but I also know that I love him more than anything and dont want to live my life without him.

What would you do in this situation? Is it worth attempting to convince him to have a baby with me? How do I even go about it?

EDIT: Just to give some background and clarity to our situation. I met him when I was pregnant with my 1st at just 15, We were together for 7 years. We went through some tough times and separated... During our separation I was raped and became pregnant with my son. 18 months after he was born my now boyfriend came back in to existence and we immediately realized we had never fallen out of love. Our love is intensely strong and we are in this forever, he isn't just a boyfriend. We are a family. He loves children, he loves raising mine, he loves his nieces and nephews, he is better at raising children than any man I know or have ever known.

However, he doesnt want any because he feels that he doesnt want to bring more kids in to a world like this. He also just admitted that he doesnt think its fair to my 2 kids for us to have a child together because they will be jealous/resentful  that he would be the babies actual father.

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 10:56 AM on Apr. 19, 2012 in Relationships

Answers (16)
  • If he doesn't want children then don't push him. Will he change his mind later? Maybe. Maybe not.
    Is this a deal breaker for you? If so then you should move on.

    Answer by LostSoul88 at 10:59 AM on Apr. 19, 2012

  • I would say if he doesn't want any and your dead set on having more, then you need to end it, trying to change his mind or having an "oopsie" will not have a good outcome,, and really if you love him enough to be with him then you should decided it having more kids with someone you didn't love as much is better than being with your soulmate,, for the record,, 2 kids is plenty to put through college etc,, and if he adores them, then it sounds like you have an HONEST man who told you his feelings up front.

    Answer by kimigogo at 11:05 AM on Apr. 19, 2012

  • You should discuss this with him some more. Let him understand completely that you do want more children. Also, if it were me I'd explain how NOBODY wants their children to live in a world with war, hunger, pain, loss, but that is life and it's never going to go away. The good far outweighs the bad when you have a child. The love overpowers hate and fear.
    BUT if he truly doesn't want kids, even after a long discussion, even after you've shared your side and your feelings on it, then you can't change his can't force him, you have to respect his decision. And if you can't live with his decision, then you need to move on from this relationship.
    Sorry :(

    Answer by Ludvik_Smith at 11:06 AM on Apr. 19, 2012

  • If you want more children and he won't commit to having more, there's not a whole lot you can do about it. I dated a guy for a couple months before finding out he didn't want more kids (I had 3 at the time), I knew I did so we stopped seeing one another. He ended up marrying, as did I and we're still good friends.

    Answer by missanc at 11:06 AM on Apr. 19, 2012

  • ^^^
    Sorry but I agree with Lost.

    I wanted more, dh doesn't.
    If he changes his mind fine, If not I can deal with it.


    Answer by Mrs.Elgert at 11:08 AM on Apr. 19, 2012

  • Good thing he's just a bf.. If you want more kids you need to be with someone who wants the same things you do.

    Answer by mommys2cupcakes at 11:13 AM on Apr. 19, 2012

  • If you want more children, be with someone who has the same interests as you on this huge responsibility. This world has its ups and downs, but we go learn from our experiences, learn how to handle difficult situations through others and hopefully have parents, who hopefully have the best interests in mind.

    Answer by onelove1982 at 11:13 AM on Apr. 19, 2012

  • You need to make a decision. Either kids or him. Doesn't sound like you will ever get both. Which one is more important to you?

    I will say this, though ... If you choose him, you are setting yourself up to resent him down the road. Even though you stay with him you will always feel like he made you give up something very dear to your heart and that will cause stress and division in your relationship.

    Answer by theMOMmission at 11:17 AM on Apr. 19, 2012

  • If you've made it clear to him that it's not just a "maybe", but that you definitely want more kids, then this relationship should be over. You can't change his mind, and even if you did get him to give in, there's always going to be that question in the back of your mind of whether he really wanted the child or if he just did it for you, and maybe even him throwing it in your face in an argument. If you definitely want more kids, and he definitely doesn't want any, then there's no middle ground.

    Also, you mention he's good with your kids. If he doesn't want kids of his own, how does he feel about helping you raise yours? Is he willing to be a step parent or is he just "playing house", so to speak?

    Answer by wendythewriter at 11:21 AM on Apr. 19, 2012

  • Well, if you want children and he does not, it's time to move on. You cannot and should not try to convince someone to have children.... I admire those that say I DO NOT want any children. Good for them, for realizing they cannot and will not take care of a child.

    Answer by m-avi at 11:40 AM on Apr. 19, 2012

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