My boyfriend has two daughters one is 12 and one is 15. The 12 year old adores me and the 15 year old is haing a hard time adjusting. Their mother is in jail on felony charges. She has been through alot the past year. I have two children of my own, a son that is 3 and autistic and a daughter who is 1 year old. Also he is 39 and I am 24, I have not ever had this sitation before. Any advice wold be welcomed. I might also add that I have tried to be friends with her. Tonight was a good night she talked and hung out with me and her sister. But I am not sure if it is going to continue and how can I help it continue?
Asked by Anonymous at 12:13 AM on Jan. 26, 2009 in Teens (13-17)
4. Fall in love with her. She is your daughter, step-daughter, friend, whatever for the rest of your lives. You'll have Christmas and Birthdays together. She'll be the one throwing your 25 year wedding anniversary party and the mother of your first grandchild. You'll be forever connected so better make it count.
- Those are the most important things I can think of. Congratulations on turning your family of 3 into a family of 6!
Answer by josalin at 12:19 AM on Jan. 26, 2009
Answer by tnteaton at 1:27 AM on Jan. 26, 2009
Answer by Anonymous at 7:52 AM on Jan. 26, 2009
I agree with Anon - I had a terrible time with my stepmonster but advice and is what you need not my drama story:
1. Make a detailed observation of how her mother handled discipline (if at all). If mom was super laid back and never grounded her daughters, you could run into some trouble. It's best to match the same level of punishment when bad grades or lies need to be addressed that the child would have expected had you not been in the picture. (when you can, try to be more focused on helping her to resolve her problems. At 15 she'll be sure that every problem she has is the end of the world so you may be able to bond over some of these issues.)
Answer by Katrinka_Renee at 10:03 AM on Jan. 26, 2009
2. Your relationship needs to be special. As a mom of 2, you already know the importance of making your kids feel like individuals. You'll have to do the same this with your step-girls. If you don't already have something in common with her try to find something special (like a trip to the spa) that you can enjoy together. Remember, you're only 9 years older than her. She probably enjoys a lot of the same things you do.
3. Let Dad be Dad. There is no more sacred a relationship than that between a girl and her Daddy. When possible - let him hand out the attention. Do your best to nurture their bond and NEVER act jealous of the bond she has with her Dad (not saying you have or will - but this is a HUGE mistake that a lot of step-moms make with little girls).
Answer by no.1twinmommy at 5:55 PM on Jan. 26, 2009
Answer by Anonymous at 6:03 PM on Jan. 26, 2009
Answer by Isa0524 at 11:21 AM on Jan. 27, 2009
Answer by Anonymous at 12:04 AM on Feb. 1, 2009