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Demanding MIL

Every since my MIL was widowed a year ago, she has been very demanding of my DH. It's like she expects him to fill in for his father. She calls him when she knows he is leaving work to pick something up for her at the store on the way home (she is perfectly able to drive). This means he will be home 45 min late or more so he won't get home till 8:30 which is when my DD goes to bed. Usually me and the kids eat dinner at 5 but he comes home and we sit down, he has his dinner while we have dessert. During the week, this is our only family time.
Last weekend, we took the kids to the zoo, she kept calling and calling DH to come do her lawn work. He told her we were at the zoo with the kids and she said "that's ok, you can come over after" well we were going to go out to dinner so he told her he couldn't but knew of a lawn service that doesn't charge much.

His mother wanted him to come over and help her with some stuff and he told her we were going to register for my baby shower (I am 6 months pregnant with our 3ird child). We planned on making a date night of it. she told him I should go by myself. Thankfully he put his foot down but offered to do it later. It seems like she is trying to keep him from doing stuff with us, she just wants him all to herself. It goes on and on, every other day it's something with her. How do I get her to understand that DH has his own family now and that we love her but he has to focus on us now?

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 6:43 PM on Apr. 21, 2012 in Relationships

Answers (26)
  • IMO- He's doing the best that he can to stand up for himself and the family. Except for missing dinner with the family.
    Give him praise and support. And HOPE she'll get the point.

    He really does deserve a pat on the back!
    feralxat

    Answer by feralxat at 6:47 PM on Apr. 21, 2012

  • Is he the only child? It sounds like she could use some friends to hang out with. Does she have any friends? Maybe your husband should clearly explain to her that he can't always be their for her like she wants him to. She needs to realize that he has his own family and she won't if he don't put his foot down.
    christi34

    Answer by christi34 at 6:49 PM on Apr. 21, 2012

  • He has a brother and a sister but they don't live in the area. She has a few friends that she sees but I think she just wants someone there all the time. I have often wondered if it would be good for her to have a friend move in with her and pay some rent since she has a couple friends who live in apartments.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 6:52 PM on Apr. 21, 2012

  • Just tell your DH the same exact thing that you stated to us here. Men like direct communcation. Don't bs him.
    onelove1982

    Answer by onelove1982 at 6:52 PM on Apr. 21, 2012

  • He understands and agrees, it's his mom, she constantly calls and things and tries to guilt trip him. He has been blunt to the point of almost rudeness and she still doesn't get it
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 6:53 PM on Apr. 21, 2012

  • She is lonely and possibly may have some issues with depression. Please try to be nice. Maybe set up a time for him to do errands for her and look around for someone to do her yard work. But think about how you would feel if you were the one widowed.
    layh41407

    Answer by layh41407 at 6:54 PM on Apr. 21, 2012

  • http://www.cafemom.com/group/32665
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:54 PM on Apr. 21, 2012

  • Eventually she will understand he has limited time to 'do' for her. It should work itself out soon.
    meooma

    Answer by meooma at 6:56 PM on Apr. 21, 2012

  • You spouse needs to man up and handle his mother
    rkoloms

    Answer by rkoloms at 7:35 PM on Apr. 21, 2012

  • Hun, this woman is probably lonely, remember she lost her life long partner and that is never easy cut her some slack...........and keep suggesting other solutions to her demands......
    older

    Answer by older at 7:37 PM on Apr. 21, 2012

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