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Why does people that love you have the shortest patients with you?

My husband to- be- is a very nice guy. Everyone loves him and thinks the world of him. He is smart and very outgoing in the business word. He is a national real estate speaker. On the downside if we ever have disagreements his first defense is to yell. If I say,"you were right but at the time I thought this or that." He still raises his voice and refuses to see my side. He has a hard time apologizing.

I asking you this Cafe friends, because I have been married two times already. My husband- to - be- has be en my fiance for two years. Some people say that is too long to be engaged. I waited a year before marrying the second time. Oh! my first marriage was physcially abusive ( I am survivor) and at times emotional abusive. He was a cheater. The 2nd marriage he was simply a user. He used my good name for credit and left me with tons of bills and he was a cheater. I thought I should take my time. I've dated him 10 years.

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Asked by Godswk at 7:01 AM on Jan. 26, 2009 in Relationships

Level 9 (282 Credits)
Answers (3)
  • There is a certain measure of safety with a loved one - we can be a little "short" with them because we trust the basic foundation of love and trust.

    However, if he yells allll the time, that might be a red flag.

    Answer by Wimsey at 7:16 AM on Jan. 26, 2009

  • I'm afraid that I don't see things getting better. If he is like this to you in private, likely it will stay the same or get worse. You see his true side instead of his "work" side. At least get counseling, preferably with him. You are very wise to be taking this slowly.

    Answer by Bmat at 7:22 AM on Jan. 26, 2009

  • I don't think his has to do with a person's love for one another that affects patience, rather a person's arrogance is what affects an otherwise healthy relationship.

    I think you have a history of dating and marrying controlling men. The first one was an abuser (physical), the second one a user (money), the third one, a loser (arrogant).

    Sorry, but talking down to/belittling the person you claim to love, is not being loving! I think you know this in your heart of hearts, but are afraid to admit it to yourself. If you are going to be TRULY happy, you need to decide what you will and will not accept in the person you intend to spend the rest of your life with. If you cannot accept his attitude now, it's not going to get any better.

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:23 AM on Jan. 26, 2009

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