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2nd part to why people love you have the shortest patients

continue... Since I dated him 10 years I thought I'd learn every aspect of this guy. God knows I want it to be the right person if I marry again. Never in my wildest dream I thought I'd already married twice. I've explained to him the pain of my past and hoped he would understand. Besides he has a child from a previous marriage that is not my favorite but Iam coping. He doesn't live with him. I disagree on his parenting skills but I don't jump on him about it anymore. Basically he is sensitive to me telling my opinion on some things. As a result he yells. I've asked him to work on that. It took a long time before he would apologize. We've gone to counseling because I've had issues with men cheating,mistreating me in the past. However, that is not what the arguments are about. It is little things. He thought I shouldn't have said a certain thing to my daughter. I explained to her in my opinion why we weren't married yet.

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Godswk

Asked by Godswk at 7:09 AM on Jan. 26, 2009 in Relationships

Level 9 (282 Credits)
Answers (4)
  • Until he learns to respect you and handle conflict... you should put off marriage. No mater if it's just during arguments, or over the little things... the fact that he yells and refuses to listen to you (even when telling him he is right) is a red flag and can be a recipe for disaster.
    I understand that you've been together for some time... but you deserve to be given respect and to have an equal voice during a disagreement. Don't let him treat you like a child, you are supposed to be his partner.
    Also just wanted to add that sometimes when people argue about the "little things" they are just using it as a cover up to something bigger that is bothering them. If he snaps easily and has very little patience, there could likely be bigger issues that need dealing with.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:16 AM on Jan. 26, 2009

  • It does not sound like a happy relationship. I'd say you need to be apart, to call off the relationship for a while, anyway, to see how you feel apart from him. Your problems with him are things you can be glad that you found out before you got married, because you can get out. You are a good person and deserve to be treated respectfully and as you feel that you should be treated as a worthwhile and strong person.
    Bmat

    Answer by Bmat at 7:26 AM on Jan. 26, 2009

  • Honey you've been there you see it and sounds like you are really looking for confirmation that this relationship is not a good one. I know I was also in an abusive relationship, and your description of your relationship is making me think get out! While he may not be physically abusive or a cheater this man does not see you as an equal in this relationship. You are still with a controlling man you need to get out and stand on your own for a while so you prove to yourself that you can do it- and you CAN! Will it be easy?No way! But you can do it for yourself and your children and will feel better for it in the long run.
    goaliemom93

    Answer by goaliemom93 at 7:45 AM on Jan. 26, 2009

  • The fact that you are already "coping" and "conceding defeat" over certain issues, is a big red flag! Marriage is a partnership. Married persons fill each others voids--where one is strong they help the other who is weak. Where one is weak, they lean on the other person who is strong.

    It doesn't sound like there is a real balance to your relationship. You shouldn't have to "walk around on eggshells" in a healthy relationship. I would continue with the marriage counseling, and take a break from this man. There is nothing wrong with spending time alone. Ask yourself how happy you REALLY are when you are with this man versus when you are alone. Does this man make you feel secure? Do you feel fulfilled? Do you feel you can lean on him, confide in him, trust him 110%? Does he make you feel loved and special? If not, then I do not see a "happily ever after" ending. Sorry!
    LoriKeet

    Answer by LoriKeet at 8:12 AM on Jan. 26, 2009

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