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hubby wont touch me :( how can i deal with it?

after i got pregnant he stopped wanting to have sex, i thought that after the baby came(1 year ago) things would go back to normal, i was so wrong! i love to make love to my husband, and its so deppressing every time i try to initiate he pushes me away.every time! we only do it like once a month,ive tried everything, talking to him, he just gets angry and says its cause hes so tired.he works from 6 am till 2 pm cooking! wtf?? hes only 25 i dont get it, ive caught him watching porno, so i know he still gets horny.it makes me feel like an ugly failure. any sugestions would help thank you, iom just so frustraited.

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lyla512

Asked by lyla512 at 9:36 AM on Jan. 26, 2009 in Relationships

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Answers (12)
  • Is he perhaps thinking that you are a "mother" now - doesn't get that you are still a "woman"??

    He sounds like an idiot - honestly - but maybe he can be turned around. Is the rest of your relationship good? Is he a good father?

    Wimsey

    Answer by Wimsey at 9:39 AM on Jan. 26, 2009

  • You said he get angry when you want to talk about it. I would accuse him of having an affair. Or turning guy on you. He is only 25, and doesn't want to have sex with you. I say, this is my opinion. He is having an affair or turned guy on you.

    louise2

    Answer by louise2 at 9:42 AM on Jan. 26, 2009

  • I just posted a question like this in the "pregnancy" section.
    Did your husband see the actual birth of the baby? I've heard that quite a few men can't look at their wife in a sexual way if they've actually seen the birth.
    shessohippie

    Answer by shessohippie at 9:50 AM on Jan. 26, 2009

  • hes a good father, very lazy about it though, he dosnt help me much. and yes he saw the birth, but he was already not interested before the birth. and ive thought about an affair, and the gay thing too, but i caught him watching strait porno.
    lyla512

    Answer by lyla512 at 10:02 AM on Jan. 26, 2009

  • May I ask you a personal question?  You don't have to answer if you don't want too or you can pm me if you don't want to post publicly.


    How and when do you initiate sex with your dh?

    beeky

    Answer by beeky at 10:19 AM on Jan. 26, 2009

  • you are not alone. i have only had sex with my dh once in the past 2 months. he has had an extremely low sex drive. if you think he might be open to medical help... have his testosterone levels checked. it will decrease his sex drive and make him tired. i recommend approaching the subject with sensitivity though
    IGotLuckyInKy

    Answer by IGotLuckyInKy at 11:00 AM on Jan. 26, 2009

  • oh i should also add that my husband also pushed me away or turned his back to me in bed. i finally got him to confess that he felt bad about not being interested in sex, and he thought he was sparing my feelings by avoiding the situation. he also said that he didnt want to let me down. just try to explain how it makes you feel
    IGotLuckyInKy

    Answer by IGotLuckyInKy at 11:05 AM on Jan. 26, 2009

  • This is another sensitve question but is he over weight or just really out of shap maybe he just don't have the energy for sex, and thats why he can still watch porn. Maybe he is just feeling lazy
    Panopel

    Answer by Panopel at 11:51 AM on Jan. 26, 2009

  • It could be the Madonna Syndrome. There are men, who after having a child with a woman, can no longer see her as an object of sexuality. You just have to be sexy and make him realize that you are still a sexual being and becoming a mother hasn't taken away your desire for him and you would like for him to desire you in the same manner that he did before your child.
    micrespo

    Answer by micrespo at 11:58 AM on Jan. 26, 2009

  • Most men are big ol babies themselves, so he might be a teensy bit jealous of ur new bundle of joy. And, he cant be pushing you away EVERY time, because you did manage to get pregnant! I think the porn stuff is just him being a 25 yr old guy. Put on something that makes YOU feel sexy, even if its just a tight Tshirt or some sexy undies. Focus on feeling good about yourself and then maybe he'll come around.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:33 PM on Jan. 26, 2009

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