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How do I say this?

DH has been acting more and more like his father. I love and respect his father as a man but just not a man that I would marry. I've told DH that I married him not his father and fell in love with him and not his father. I don't know how to tell him that the type of man his father is is not one that I would want to be with. He would literally drive me nuts. His dad is not abusive or anything, infact he is a great man. It's just some of his idiosincratic behaviors and tendencies I couldn't live with. How do I let DH know that he's got to be himself without insulting him or making him feel bad. Its even more difficult because his dad is our pastor. So naturally he is going to look up to him. But the way his dad handles his mom on some things I couldn't and wouldn't deal with. Please tell me how to communicate this.

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Asked by Anonymous at 1:39 PM on Jan. 26, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (6)
  • You just did. I'd say what you just said.

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:41 PM on Jan. 26, 2009

  • My had this very same issue with my ex husband and his father..... His father is not a bad guy he is just VERY opinionated, there is nothing he hasnt done and he has done it better than you ever could and he lets you know he feels that way!! His wife is a very quite women and just swallows all the BS he dishes out.... My ex's older sister is the same way as her father and my ex gets more and more like him the older he gets!!! I always told him when he started trying to tell me what was what on an issue he had no idea about that im not his mother and im not going to be treated like your father treats her and stop acting like him!! it made him straighten up or a week or two and then we'd go the rounds about it again!!

    Answer by scaredmommy08 at 1:47 PM on Jan. 26, 2009

  • Print this post out you wrote.Or just get him to read it on cafemom.

    Answer by louise2 at 1:47 PM on Jan. 26, 2009

  • We have the same issues too! I tell my MIL & she goes he's just like his father! With love, Care urging & things you can make him more fit into your ways!! It takes time & Love and it can happen!! But some men will be men and do something we don't always Love! But A long time commitment gets things working..

    Answer by Angellinda at 2:18 PM on Jan. 26, 2009

  • children learn what they live. He lived with his dad setting an example on how to treat a woman/wife. Surely you noticed dad's bad behavior before you married dh. Behavior can change but It's not going to change easily. First, he has to understand what you are talking about. He probably thinks he's doing the right thing. Tell him what you want and how you expect him to treat you. Not sure how that will go over since many pastor's preach the man is the head and you as the wife are supposed to be submissive to his decisions. Good luck on this one.

    Answer by admckenzie at 2:43 PM on Jan. 26, 2009

  • I wish I had this FIL is a great hubby. Brings my MIL flowers all the time and little gifts, vacations etc. Now we dont have $ for that kind of stuff, but even if my hubby encouraged me w/ a candy bar I would be happy.
    I would tell ur hubby the truth.

    Answer by lionslambs at 3:31 PM on Jan. 26, 2009

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