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in-law issues

I feel like when my dh and I fight it always has something to do with his family, either being in our business or doing things w/o asking us (like having a shower for me w/o even telling my own mother!). I have a hard time dealing because my family is less intrusive, whereas his family could care less about tact. I'm 5 mo. pregnant, so I'm also more emotional now, but does anyone else out there have these issue, and if so, how do you deal?!?!

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Asked by Anonymous at 7:23 PM on Jan. 26, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (7)
  • I have the exact same issues- hubby's whole family is nuts, but my MIL especially is VERY intrusive, demanding, and "needy". She makes everything about herself without ever really stopping to think about how it affects us. She also is sick, and makes my husband feel guilty over not helping her as much as she wants. Its hard to deal - she even ruined our honeymoon by calling sixteen times while we were gone to complain that we didn't use the decorations she made for the wedding! Its getting better now, I forced hubby to stand up to her a few times and now he does it regularly, but at first I felt a little trapped and screwed b/c of my inlaws... My family is much less "volatile" than his, and we actually live with my parents so my hubby is getting a taste of a "normal" family, but at first, he didn't understand why I couldn't stand his family.

    Answer by Iskkra at 7:30 PM on Jan. 26, 2009

  • I don't have a problem with my In-laws, but they have a problem with me!! I just stay away from them as much as possible:)

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:31 PM on Jan. 26, 2009

  • Don't get very involved with them... I mean be nice... but protect yourself... keep your distance... and Never say anything bad about them to your other half... (trust me on that).... Your mom didn't need to be at the shower they were throwing......... Look at the glass 1/2 full.... at least they threw you a shower.....

    Answer by Kay300 at 7:39 PM on Jan. 26, 2009

  • this happened w/ my in-laws for the first few months. u just have to tlk to them about it if they are mature enough. if not, get used to it. i was lucky. i told them how i felt and they didnt realize what they were doing.

    Answer by Phippsandrea at 7:54 PM on Jan. 26, 2009

  • There are many, many women like you... and I'm sure it's a lot more than pregnancy hormones! I would definitely recommend checking out some of the MIL boards here on cafemom... they make me feel normal ;)

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:18 PM on Jan. 26, 2009

  • I set bounderies. i never (anymore) invite the in laws over. this way I am always on their territory and when they start in We leave. I do this with my own family too. you also have to decide what is really worth getting upset about and worth doing something about .and what you should just grin
    and bear.

    Answer by hypersquirrel at 11:25 PM on Jan. 26, 2009

  • You need to inforce boundaries NOW before the baby gets here. You also need to establish CONSEQUENCES when a boundary gets crossed.There is no reason why ANYONE your family or IL's should be so intrusive in your life - stand up for yourself tell them NO. <- I highly suggest this group!

    Answer by Fooph121780 at 10:12 AM on Jan. 27, 2009

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