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Adopted kids vs bio kids?

I have two adopted little boys. I love them dearly. They are so close to my heart and they are my children. I can't imagine my life without them and am amazed that I'm capable of so much love.

But i just found out i'm pregnant. ...

And I have a fear that i will love my bio child more than i love my boys. I don't want to show any favoritism. I know that the love can be different and i'm okay with that. I love my two boys in different ways. I just don't want to love any child of mine more than another child of mine.

Do you love your bio kids more?

Answer Question
 
outstandingLove

Asked by outstandingLove at 10:14 PM on Apr. 28, 2012 in Adoption

Level 20 (9,136 Credits)
Answers (13)
  • Nope. Adopted ours last fall and right now we can barely tell who's bio and who isn't. They're one and the same.
    FreeForAll

    Answer by FreeForAll at 10:16 PM on Apr. 28, 2012

  • My dad was my actually my step dad. I loved him like a father and he loved us as much as his own kids. My brother and his wife adopted their oldest son and they were worried too when they had their younger two sons. They love him as much as his brothers.

    I think it is all in how much you choose to love them.

    I think with all that you have been through with your boys, that you will do just fine. Big Hugs Momma!
    SleepingBeautee

    Answer by SleepingBeautee at 10:39 PM on Apr. 28, 2012

  • Love is love and theres no messure,its like changing babies at the hospital and sending them home with the wrong mom,trust me those moms will love the baby as part of their very soul and as soon as they find out its the wrong child,there will be some major problems because they will not be giving up their baby...love is love theres no messure or condition.
    GivingTreeMommy

    Answer by GivingTreeMommy at 12:15 AM on Apr. 29, 2012

  • I think you can expect to love them the same amount but experience that love in different ways. Just like parents sometimes love kids of different ages, genders, and personalities in different ways without necessarily loving them more or less. So, for instance, if you are loving the bonding you get from feeling your baby move inside you or breastfeeding your baby and staring into his/her eyes - I don't think that means that you will love your bio child more than your adoptive children because you didn't have those experiences - just that you experience the love differently... through different experiences/avenues. KWIM? Just like a mom may have a traumatic birth experience with one child and a healing birth with the next and love both children, but have different experiences in which they love.
    Bellarose0212

    Answer by Bellarose0212 at 5:24 AM on Apr. 29, 2012

  • Every parent has fears/excitement/concerns when adding to the family. Ask yourself why you have this particular concern. Can you discuss it with your husband/partner? Really look at why you think you might have these concerns. And if you find you are more drawn to your infant child, suspecting it may be due to she is your biological child, you can always seek the guidance of a professional therapist. I am sure it would be short term. Many parents have a "favored" child. A child who brings more satisfaction and joy. Most parents won't admit it. It's okay and it is normal. What you already know is it is not okay to show it so overtly. Several families I know, it is the baby who is seen as the favorite. It might not be true but often older kids see mom and dad spending more time withe baby. Only because an infant and toddler can't do things for themselves. Parents are forced to do more for a young child.
    frogdawg

    Answer by frogdawg at 11:37 AM on Apr. 29, 2012

  • I would take it one day ata time. Prepare the children for an infant sibling and discuss with them the time and attention a young child requires. I would also make certain I did things with just my older children so they get an hour or two each week of my time without the baby. It may look like a fun day trip to the zoo or just asking one of your older children to shop with you. Car rides and a brief grocery store run can really rejuveninate both you and your child. A baby takes a lot out of you. How about discussing your fear now but also keeping in mind it isn't a problem (now). This way you think about the what if but don't obsess over it and if it should be an issue...you already know what ways you want to begin to handle it. Oh - CONGRATS! Hope it is a healthy pregnancy for youand your family. Best wishes.
    frogdawg

    Answer by frogdawg at 11:44 AM on Apr. 29, 2012

  • Congratulations on your pregnancy! I think that every adoptive mom in your situation has that thought cross her mind. I've heard many moms say that they found that they love all of their children equally. My fear has been that my children would perceive that they were somehow loved less. I think the fact that you are concerned about it shows that you are a good mom, and I don't think you will show preference.
    Iamgr8teful

    Answer by Iamgr8teful at 12:11 AM on Apr. 30, 2012

  • Besides the feeling of loving a kid more or different because of birth/adoption- sibling rivalry may come up as an issue, too.
    One of the things that may have contributed to problems in my afamily with the adopted vs the bio kids is that old saying~ 'you were special, lucky and chosen, and they got stuck with the (bio) kid'. I think it backfired on my Am when she had her real son. It's hurtful ammunition to toss back and forth in sibling rivalry 'you're not real' and 'she got STUCK with you'.
    My am's fault was she turned a blind eye to the rivalry and let it escalate out of control.

    adopteeme

    Answer by adopteeme at 3:05 AM on Apr. 30, 2012

  • I have one of each. My love is the same for both of them.
    mcginnisc

    Answer by mcginnisc at 9:13 AM on Apr. 30, 2012

  • I have only one child my daughter who was adopted I cannot imagine loving anyone more......
    booklover545

    Answer by booklover545 at 5:06 PM on Apr. 30, 2012

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