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No Baby Shower,Due To Past Miscarriage,Not worth Investment until Actually born?

Few years ago i had a loss.
Took a bit to get pregnant again however nobody will help me with excitement to prepare for the baby,except hubby.
I was told why spend money since i may lose the baby again,i'm 21 weeks with this baby all is well.
Once it is born they will feel it's worth thier money,time,investment.
Not while i'm pregnant when i need them as well.
What would you do?

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 10:58 PM on Jan. 26, 2009 in Pregnancy

Answers (12)
  • I think you should have the shower! They can be a lot of fun.

    Answer by Kimora_neko at 11:05 PM on Jan. 26, 2009

  • Oh my gosh!!!!!!!
    Who on earth said that?!?!? Your family, including your own mother? WTH...sorry, but seriously. That's bull. I would be hurt and tell all of my friends and family that is very insensitive and how it affects you. And traditionally you have your shower during the last month of pregnancy, so that is well beyond the point of miscarrying. I just had a girlfriend have her daughter 2 months early.....and though her little lungs aren't fully developed, she is doing fine in her little pre-natal unit.
    I'm angry with that and feel for you. And BTW, I had my son 4 weeks early and had a shower rescheduled because it was planned for the weekend I delivered, and he was then the guest of honor. I hope you have a great pregnancy and people think about their insensitive attitudes.

    Answer by MissHeidi0304 at 11:05 PM on Jan. 26, 2009

  • Thank you for your kind words..
    To MissHeidi0304 my family and hubbies.
    Infact they went as far to say(HIS SIDE) anyone that has a miscarriage did not want the baby and did something to cause it...
    I feel so alone,despite having hubby to prepare in anyway.

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:08 PM on Jan. 26, 2009

  • i am sorry about your loss. I think that they should make you a baby shower ur far enough along , thats rude to say that the baby might not make, what r they thinking. Anyway i think once u get to ur 7month then u should have a baby shower, those people act like they dont make gift receipts anyway, just in the case that somethin may happen to the baby, (i pray that nothin does and he/she will be perfectly fine. And a baby is worth time money and investments. Tell them that u shouldnt be that way with me and say stuff like that cuz it hurts you, i mean u already had one loss and they know that so they can at least be supportive in you and not hurt your feelings. Sorry but thats rude what they said. GOOD LUCK and have you a beautifully cute baby shower.!!!!!!!

    Answer by mybabe22 at 11:09 PM on Jan. 26, 2009

  • I do not know many people except his family which are not around except to say these things.
    So,to have a baby shower i was hoping i would of had support and i do not have really any friends here and my old friends live many hours away so,if i had a shower it would be just me and hubby so we are figuring just save up to buy things on our own,we already have a great collection but it loses something to the fun of a shower.

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:14 PM on Jan. 26, 2009

  • oh honey, yes it's nice to have a baby shower before baby comes, it adds to the excitement, but honestly it really is better to have it afterwards! I'm sorry it was put so insensitively to you

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:17 PM on Jan. 26, 2009

  • Wow, well I had a miscarriage the first time and the second pregnancy was fine. Even going a month early went okay. I have no idea how you deal with that.....I could say things that would be inappropriate on here, but boils down to his family is not right for saying those things. A miscarriage is a hard thing to cope with, and we know it was God's way of changing things because something was wrong with the baby. Sorry you don't have loving people around you to share the joy and excitement a pregnancy is and does bring. And your real true friends will probably mail you things if they can't make it to a shower....mine did. We moved 1000 miles away when I was 4 months along, and I had a shower at 3 months because we moved, military...Anyways, you'll be in my thoughts and prayers tonight. Stay strong for you and your baby!!

    Answer by MissHeidi0304 at 11:21 PM on Jan. 26, 2009

  • wow! I think I would just invite people who are excited about your pregnancy! See my shower wasn't so fun because most of the people there didn't like the fact that I was PG! It happened a month after we got married and I wouldn't have it any other way! Everyone was upset or mad at us because we "weren't ready" but honestly, who is ever ready to have a kid?
    I hope you have a GREAT shower! and in my opinion, I wouldn't invite them (family)

    Answer by Kimora_neko at 11:29 PM on Jan. 26, 2009

  • sorry I forgot to add something: and if you have one after the baby it will be harder because you will have a LO to look after as well as the party

    Answer by Kimora_neko at 11:30 PM on Jan. 26, 2009

  • Maybe I am hormonal or something...but shame shame shame on anyone who would treat their family (both birth and married) that way. I think you should have a shower whenever it shall be, before or after the baby is born, I had both with my son. I also had one that was a blast and one where I felt like the outsider at my own party. I don't know that I would invite those that have been ugly to you, yet you don't want to regret it later. I wish you luck, but in the meantime, I would avoid the people who can't provide you with support and understanding and love that you deserve. I am also very sorry for your prior loss. There was nothing you did to cause it, esp not wanting it...SHAME ON THEM!

    Answer by lovinmymason at 11:46 PM on Jan. 26, 2009

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