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I have a 2 year old boy that don't listen to any thing i say. He yells and falls out when he don't get what he want . What should I do? I tried taking thing from him,time outs, spanking him nothing works. #helpme!

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mommylilboy0889

Asked by mommylilboy0889 at 2:24 PM on Apr. 30, 2012 in Toddlers (1-2)

Level 3 (21 Credits)
Answers (13)
  • it is the terrible 2's there isnt much you can do but keep at it, my son hit them and i went crawling to my mom who has 5 kids and asked her what to do and she told me what i am telling you. keep up with the punishments when he is not aloud to do something he does and dont give him an inch or he will take a mile. these are their toughest years cause they are learning and you need to show them what is safe/ok or not.
    emmy12345

    Answer by emmy12345 at 2:28 PM on Apr. 30, 2012

  • My deal with my kids is they can have a tantrum, but I'm not going to listen to it. My 3 yo has to sit on the stairs until he can play nicely. It usually only takes a couple of minutes, but I wait until he's ready rather than setting an arbitrary "time out" time - because sometimes he can turn his attitude right around, other times it takes a while, but it's all up to him. Other than putting him on the stairs, I ignore his tantrum and go about with whatever I'm doing. Sometimes I'll start playing with his toys like I'm having a great time, which really makes him want to be able to come off the stairs and play. But I make him apologize for hitting, kicking, yelling, etc. before he can start playing again. If you are consistent, you will get through it.
    missanc

    Answer by missanc at 2:34 PM on Apr. 30, 2012

  • Are you being consistent with your punishment? use the same one for a week or two then if nothing changes try somethign different. Just have to keep at it eventually he will get it. Just don't give in because he will learn that very quickly.
    choco_mom

    Answer by choco_mom at 2:36 PM on Apr. 30, 2012

  • One thing I notice on a lot of these posts is that moms use 5-6 different consequences for bad behavior. My suggestion is to pick one and stick with it. Missanc has it right; consistency is key.
    BrawnwynII

    Answer by BrawnwynII at 2:47 PM on Apr. 30, 2012

  • gotta love this age :/ My son went through this during age 2 and 3. The falling down freaking out thing can be so overwhelming. Best advice....ignore it. He is still very young and doesnt understand how to communicate emotion so he just breaks down. Could also be a mix of being tired, overwhelmed,hungry etc, ontop of being told he can't have that toy. When my son went that far, even in public, I gave him space and let him let it all out. I didnt give a crap about the looks I got. Once he was over it, he got up, I went down to his level, wiped his tears, asked if he was ok now, then we went on with our lives as if it never happened. He was always the happiest child in the world after letting it all out! Strange lol. We all have those moments though right? Just letting out steam then feeling better? 2 year olds go through the same thing.
    Owl_Feather

    Answer by Owl_Feather at 2:52 PM on Apr. 30, 2012

  • Thanks every one I'll keep trying I hope he started getting it we been going at till for 5 months now..
    mommylilboy0889

    Comment by mommylilboy0889 (original poster) at 2:53 PM on Apr. 30, 2012

  • I walk away, however at 2 they are learning boundaries and realizing what no means etc. The terrible 2's are so taxing on us all! If he hits, hold his hands and tell him we do not hit, get a timer and have him sit in one spot. If he yells do not acknowledge, if he flails his body on the ground ignore. But as Brawyn said find one thing that you see does the most good (hopefully not spankings but it may be) and stick with it.

    LO will be 4 this summer and she really is just catching on to the "if you behave you get your way more often" - "if you throw things you loose them, if you hit you sit-if you scream we leave the room" she has gotten to the point of catching herself and grabbing the toy she threw and saying sorry or if she screams, she will say if I use my sweet voice will you hold me etc.

    hang in there, he will get it and you will be so glad you were consistent
    luvmygrandbaby

    Answer by luvmygrandbaby at 2:56 PM on Apr. 30, 2012

  • Is it the tantrums that you are punishing with time outs, spanking, taking away toys, etc.?
    Do you say "He doesn't listen to anything I say" because he yells & tantrums when you say something he doesn't like?

    If that's generally what's happening, then I think you have a very normal boy & situation on your hands: a child who has a hard time accepting limits, and who expresses his feelings when he's upset.
    This is just something to get through.
    Being upset when they're told no, when something is taken away, or when they don't get their way, is not a problem (in the sense that it's not wrong that it's happening. I know it's no picnic!)
    Punishing a young child for expressing his strong, upsetting feelings is kind of adding insult to injury. First, we put them (often unavoidably) in situations where they experience frustration, loss, grief, powerlessness when we limit them & don't respond to their protests. Then we send the strong
    girlwithC

    Answer by girlwithC at 6:39 PM on Apr. 30, 2012

  • message that expressing rage or grief over frustration, loss & powerlessness (at not being able to make things go their way) is "wrong."
    Try seeing your son's big feelings as an internal, personal process of offloading feelings that are too big to hold & unhealthy to stuff.
    Try seeing him as struggling to return to internal balance after working through real grief at not being able to make things work out how he wanted them to.
    By listening to him & showing understanding of his upset, and accepting his point of view (without explaining all your good reasons for the limit), you aren't "giving in" or "reinforcing" his behavior. He's not "getting what he wanted" by crying...he is getting his feelings out & being heard. The limit is the limit (he can't take the scissors, run in the street, play with ceramics, whatever) but his feelings are just the byproduct that you accept & contain.
    That's how they learn emotional regulation.
    girlwithC

    Answer by girlwithC at 6:45 PM on Apr. 30, 2012

  • A great book is Happiest Toddler on the Block. Set limits and give him freedom in certain areas. For example he may have to hold your hand in the street but on the sidewalk he may walk without doing so. Or he may play with the toy but not throw them. Telling him what he CAN do may help. And yes, I agree with girlwithC. Affirming his feelings is great. I tell my son, I know you are mad that we can't have cookies for breakfast . You are mad, but when you calm down let's choose something YOU want.

    Also setting limits that are not up for discussion will help too. For example in our house my DS has started spitting. If he spits at all he gets an immediate quick response which is time out. He then in order to get out of time out needs to say sorry and "clean it up" (nothing serious just wipe it with a towel). And then I give him a hug, tell him I forgive him but we do not spit.

    Sarahbeth7

    Answer by Sarahbeth7 at 9:48 PM on May. 1, 2012

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