Is it the tantrums that you are punishing with time outs, spanking, taking away toys, etc.?
Do you say "He doesn't listen to anything I say" because he yells & tantrums when you say something he doesn't like?
If that's generally what's happening, then I think you have a very normal boy & situation on your hands: a child who has a hard time accepting limits, and who expresses his feelings when he's upset.
This is just something to get through.
Being upset when they're told no, when something is taken away, or when they don't get their way, is not a problem (in the sense that it's not wrong that it's happening. I know it's no picnic!)
Punishing a young child for expressing his strong, upsetting feelings is kind of adding insult to injury. First, we put them (often unavoidably) in situations where they experience frustration, loss, grief, powerlessness when we limit them & don't respond to their protests. Then we send the strong
at 6:39 PM on Apr. 30, 2012