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3 Bumps

Three years later and now she wants to see him?

So a little bit of back story, my DF and his ex broke up when my SS (I hate calling him that!) was 9 months old. He has not seen her nor talked to her since then. And now that he is 4yrs old, she wants to see him. She has no parental rights and hasn't for a while. She never did the classes that was court ordered in the state of AZ. Now we all live in CA, ironically in the San Diego area. But I just don't understand why she wants to see him now. On the court papers she even got his age wrong! I mean how do you get the age of your child wrong?

I am worried that if she does get visitation, I am praying for supervised visitation just for the simple fact that, I don't want to send my SS that neither of us know, you know what I mean? And I am scared that she is going to try and push the whole she is his mother thing on him, he is 4, I dont think that he will understand that to much. I am the only woman that he has ever really known as mom. I am the one that takes care of him everyday, taught him how to count, and everything else.

But above all else I am scared about what affect that this could have on my SS!

Any advice or tips or anything really, would be greatly appreciated.
*Not sure where to put this.


Asked by LiLJeni at 7:41 PM on May. 1, 2012 in Relationships

Level 30 (44,491 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (21)
  • She has no rights. She signed them over when he was 9 months old.

    DF= Dear Fiance
    SS= Stepson

    Comment by LiLJeni (original poster) at 7:53 PM on May. 1, 2012

  • We got court papers and all! I didn't even think that this was possible till we got the papers!

    Comment by LiLJeni (original poster) at 7:57 PM on May. 1, 2012

  • I have no idea how she can do this. Nor if she actually thinks that it will be at all healthy for a 4yr old? I am just at a loss right now.
    We have an appointment with a lawyer next week.

    Comment by LiLJeni (original poster) at 8:00 PM on May. 1, 2012

  • My DF wants her out of our lives and does not want her around my SS at all.

    And yes those are my intentions. I want to adopt him.

    Comment by LiLJeni (original poster) at 8:01 PM on May. 1, 2012

  • as they call it in baseball, yourrrrr SAFE if she signed away, she is filing in a different state so the courts there have no record to show she has no rights. They are going to throw this out first day in, no woorries momma!

    Answer by luvmygrandbaby at 8:40 PM on May. 1, 2012

  • Thank you guys. When I posted this, I was kind of worried about what some of the "ladies" on here would say to me. But you guys have definitely helped me out.

    Comment by LiLJeni (original poster) at 8:45 PM on May. 1, 2012

  • After you marry him (20 minutes, $75), adopt the boy

    Answer by rkoloms at 9:26 PM on May. 1, 2012

  • Here is the thing... no matter what her rights are, don't you think that your stepson has a right to know who his biomom is and where he comes from? If he does make contact with biomom when he is older, which is very likely, how is he going to feel if he finds out that he was denied contact with his mother?

    My exSIL is visiting her daughter for the first time since she was 18 months old. She is now 5. My brother had a lot of mixed feelings about it, but what it came down to for him was feeling like his daughter had a right to know who her biomom was. Everyone is handling it very maturely. There are plenty of 4 year olds who have limited contact with one parent or the other. It can be explained to them in a way that they can understand and make sense of.

    Answer by riotgrrl at 9:57 AM on May. 2, 2012

  • You want honesty or support here? I think your more concerned with the change it'll make in the relationship between you and SS. Like you said he's young, most kids have unconditional love for their BM. She can and may fight for visitation, in fact its probably inevitable, so rather than fight it, help prepare your SS.

    Answer by yesmaam at 4:25 PM on May. 3, 2012

  • Fera - as a SM she has no legal rights to this child.

    Answer by yesmaam at 4:26 PM on May. 3, 2012