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Love

I don't really know where to begin so I guess I'll start at the beginning. I have been best friends with this guy since grade school. We would tell each other everything and I don't know why but we just never got together. We kissed at our high school graduation but we decided that nothing could be because we were going to college in different states. We stayed in touch over the years sporatically.

Over the years we sort of went our own ways and never talked. I got married and had 2 beautiful children with my husband. We moved back to my hometown since my husband got a new job near there. I saw my friend at a family friend's Christmas party. I can't explain it other than that it was an instant thing. He smiled at me from across the room and walked right over to me and he hugged me. He told me that he missed me. His wife walked over to us and introduced herself and his 2 kids.

Since we frequent at the same places and we have mutual friends we always give each other looks and smile at each other a lot. I feel like I love him and I feel really bad. I don't know who to really talk to. I don't want to tell my husband because he's the jealous type. I recently went out with a couple of girlfriends and we went to this restaurant/bar and he was there with his brother. We ended up talking all night and he told me that he really missed me and he asked me we never got together. I told him that the timing was never right it seems. There was an awkward silence for a while and then he leaned in and tried to kiss me. I pulled away and said that we can't, we're both married. He apologized and we took a cab home.

Ever since that night I've replayed everything in my head. What if I kissed him? What would have happened after? Right now I'm at home, my husband's at work, my son is at preschool and my youngest is asleep in his crib and here I am fantasizing about someone who isn't my husband. I feel like the worst person ever. I would never act on these urges, but I just feel like my heart is drifting away to another man and here I am. When we see each other we give each other a look. He seems sad. I'm sure I do too.

Is there any advice how to get over this? I don't want to reck anyone's marriage, especially mine. All I know is that I have love for my husband but I'm feeling love for this other man. I haven't spoken to him in a while, not even when we see each other at family/friend things. I just feel like I'm dying inside sometimes. I want to please everyone but it's wearing on me. I keep my husband and children happy but at night I lie awake thinking about this love I have.

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 4:12 PM on May. 2, 2012 in Relationships

Answers (7)
  • Distance yourself from him.
    Simplicity3

    Answer by Simplicity3 at 4:15 PM on May. 2, 2012

  • You're more in love with the idea of being in love with him, in my opinion.

    A glance across a room is acceptable for a romance novel but, in real life, it doesn't translate to love. Love is something you achieve when you've lived the good AND bad times with someone for an extended period of time.

    I'm of the opinion that you will need to limit your contact with him until you get a little less enamored with him
    BrawnwynII

    Answer by BrawnwynII at 4:22 PM on May. 2, 2012

  • I'm too tired to resd all of this. (roll eyes)
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:51 PM on May. 2, 2012

  • I agree with the other ladies!
    Realize that the grass is never greener on the other side.
    You have a family, he has a family, you love your family and he loves his and that kind of love that you have for your families is REAL love. It's been cultivated, planted and raised. You don't want to just throw all that away, it's not worth it.
    It's okay to have a place in your heart for a dear, old friend but the past is behind you; you should always be looking forward.
    Ludvik_Smith

    Answer by Ludvik_Smith at 5:00 PM on May. 2, 2012

  • What they said ^^^^ except the jerk anon
    amazinggrace83

    Answer by amazinggrace83 at 5:41 PM on May. 2, 2012

  • I agree. Love is not a feeling, it is something you choose to do, an action! What you are, is all emotional and emotions change.
    Letting yourself ponder a relationship with him is VERY dangerous to your family (and his).
    You need to limit your contact to him, and also get him off your mind. Don't allow yourself to dwell on what could happen. Find something to distract yourself when those thoughts creep in.
    And when you MUST be at an event with him, go out of your way not to be alone together and try to distance yourself. He will get the hint and both of you will be able to put it behind you.

    It's not easy, but you can do it, if you want to - I believe in you, girl!! :)
    Nynne

    Answer by Nynne at 6:33 PM on May. 2, 2012

  • And P.S. DON"T mention this to your dh!!!!!

    It will do him NO good and it would crush ANY man, not just jealous ones!
    Nynne

    Answer by Nynne at 6:36 PM on May. 2, 2012

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