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i am in an abusive relationship with my husband of 10 years

it is too hard to leave..my kids can completely ignore what is happening between us.the verbal,emotional abuse and if we are both in a good mood to fight ,it gets physical... the problem is he is the perfect example for the outside world..,no bad company, never miss a mass every sunday, brings home a good size paycheck [he is a nurse],and a good dad...but when it is just us ,one word between us is enough to break a storm.....then before you know it we are exchanging words ,calling names, emotionally breaking me down and when i really talk back the same way he does,then i get hurt by him trying to choke me. and pinch me onmy arms making it black/blue for one week that i had to wear long sleeves to avoid questions.... i am also a full-time employee as a nurse and sometimes i've felt suicidal just thinking about the way my life is ahead of me...i dont know what to do...my family knows but they take it as lovers quarrel..anyway i am open to any suggestons or advice you have for me......

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topaz7176

Asked by topaz7176 at 9:10 PM on Jul. 20, 2008 in Relationships

Level 1 (0 Credits)
Answers (22)
  • first of all, no, your kids CANT ignore whats going on....they hear the fights and hide, but try to sneak peeks because they are afraid for mommy....your boys are learning to treat women like this and your girls are learning to expect and even seek this treatment from men...this is becoming their definition of love....GET THE HELL OUT NOW!.....that nice paycheck he gets? it's about to turn into nice child support and possibly alimony for you and your children....wether you see it or not, it is damaging them just as much as it is damaging you...i actually have a social work degree, so if you need help making a plan to get out, just let me know
    LoriaAnn

    Answer by LoriaAnn at 9:18 PM on Jul. 20, 2008

  • think about everything you are dealing w/as if its ur friend or child that is dealing with it from their spouse...what would ur reaction and response be? your children, dont comopletly ignore the abuse between you two! THEY ARE effected by it and will be effected by it FOR LIFE!!! if your have girls they may go off the example of their father and find an man JUST LIKE HIM! if you have boys they may think this is appropriate behavior towards women and BE JUST LIKE HIM!!!

    The question you need to answer is do you want a better life for yourself? For your children? For your unborn grandchildren?

    Plus think if he's willing to choke you over one miss-said word why woudnt he kill you? You need to be there for your children and do what is best for them and you and whats best for children does not always mean having their father in your life!
    ReneeLRS

    Answer by ReneeLRS at 9:24 PM on Jul. 20, 2008

  • I WOULD LEAV NOW BEFORE YOU RALY GET HURT. OR WORSE YET YOUR DAUGHTER STARTS TO THINK THATS NORMAL
    foxzy

    Answer by foxzy at 9:31 PM on Jul. 20, 2008

  • HONNEY LET ME TELL U THIS NO MAN I MEAN NO MAN IS WORTH U GETTING HURT! U DO NOT DESERVE I DONT CARE WHAT U SAY TO HIM HE HAS NO RIGHT PUTTING HIS HANDS ON U , OK LET ME TELL U THIS AS FAR AS THAT GOES U CAN EVEN TAKE UR KEDS AND COME AND STAY HER WITH ME, THERE ARE PLENTY OF JOBS HERE THAT ARE HIRING, BC THE BAD PART HUNNY IS WHEN THEY GET TIRED OF HITTING U AND BULLING U , WHO DO U THINK HE WILL GO AFTER NEXT? yOU NEED TO GET OUT NOW.......NOT LATER NOW....I CAN HELP U IF U WANT ME TOO, JUST TELL ME OK HUNNY I AM HER I WILL HELP U ANYWAY I CAN, EVEN IF THAT MEANS ME PUTTING U IN MY HOLE TILL U GET A PLACE WHAT EVER U NEED I AM HERE...
    danielle10586

    Answer by danielle10586 at 10:02 PM on Jul. 20, 2008

  • You need to leave him...the thing is about abusive relationships is the longer you stay in it...the worse it gets! Leave now...do you really want your kids to grow up and be around that even more...think about what is important here!
    businesswife1

    Answer by businesswife1 at 10:05 PM on Jul. 20, 2008

  • I agree with LoriaAnn.
    TXdanielly

    Answer by TXdanielly at 10:24 PM on Jul. 20, 2008

  • 2 words (like everyone else says) get out, now. true love does exist, and that's not it. you're children will learn all the bad habits and carry them into their lives without even knowing it. give them a Real chance and yourself too. do something hugs
    sherry729

    Answer by sherry729 at 10:24 PM on Jul. 20, 2008

  • I lived 14 years watching my mother be beat for whatever the reason. Once, over a drop of sauce on a cutting board. If you think this does not effect your children you are wrong. They are being shaped and molded by what they see, hear,pretend to hear. They are going to be natural liars--able to play preten "perfect family" at the drop of a hat. They will sleep light, waiting to intervene in the next fight. They will grow up thinking this is the way, and it is not. GET OUT. I don't care how he looks. You must go. Please. It won't be worse once you go. There will be peace, the kids can sleep all night, and it will be good. Yes, hard, but the peace comes. Please go. I am 37 years today is my b-day and the abuse effects me each day. I am strong, but it was a hard life to live as a child trying to fix everything. GET OUT.
    Teachermom01

    Answer by Teachermom01 at 10:55 PM on Jul. 20, 2008

  • HELLO - here is your support team looking out for your best interest. I was in an abusive relationship (emotional, physical, mental, financially) when I had a son I thought he'd get better, I tried to fix him. It's not your fault and no matter what you said or did not say he has NO RIGHT to abuse you and your kids. They are not IGNORING it. and as said in previous response, the kids take in and may act on what they see even though they act as if they are ignoring it.
    Keep in touch with your life line - GET Help!! Time to step up and go. love to you and yours - there's light at the end of the tunnel - climb in!! go to freedom
    crzybch

    Answer by crzybch at 10:57 PM on Jul. 20, 2008

  • You can make it. You are educated. He will pay support. Go. I mean it. I cried so many nights, called the police, pushed him off my mom. I still sleep light, and the dreams come back. If you get out after 10 years, that is 4 less than my mom, 4 potentially wonderful years for you to find some peace and move on. Abuse happens in every race, income level, anywhere with anyone. Hiding it only makes it hurt worse. I wish I could hold your hand and lead you out. Please, look into getting an apartment, call shelters to be directed to help, get protection orders, file a report if it happens again, and keep a journal of ancedotal records. Please go. Send me a message if you'd like to talk. I hope this helps you see things from you kid's perspective. They want you to go do badly, they truely do.
    Teachermom01

    Answer by Teachermom01 at 11:00 PM on Jul. 20, 2008

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