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4 Bumps

Was I really THAT wrong?

My siblings and I lost our mother 7 months ago. My brother's ex gf Amy showed up to the funeral. He dated her before he met his wife and she was friendly with our family but they broke up when she went out of state for college. When she found out that my brother had gotten married she was very upset. She kept calling my brother and my sis in law was obviously angry because the ex was doing everything she could to get close to him. Well anyway, at the funeral she kept hanging onto my brother, trying to hold him and stuff. He was completely destroyed by mom's passing so he was just sitting there staring off. Julia (my sister in law) made it clear to her that she was getting out of line and needed to stop. The ex kept on with it and I could tell that mi SIL was getting more upset so I asked the ex to leave. My sister disagreed with me BC she is friends with the ex gf and she got really mad at me for telling her to leave.

I honestly just wasn't up for drama at my mother's funeral. Besides, my sil and brother and all of us were already upset, without having to deal with this woman on top of it all. And if she hadn't been so disrespectful in the first place she would have been fine. I was ok with her from the beginning, but when she started trying to get back with my brother without caring about destroying his marriage and my nieces' home, I couldn't be cool with her anymore. I was extremely angry that she tried to use my mother's funeral to her advantage.

Well since then, my sister is STILL mad at me, and hasn't spoken to me since. I tried to reach out to her yesterday and she's still angry saying I had no right to kick Amy out. I was just trying to keep the peace and to be respectful of mi sister in law. She is after all a part of our family, my mother loved her dearly, and the other girl is just an ex girlfriend. Was it that bad for her not to talk to me anymore?

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Asked by Anonymous at 7:27 PM on May. 4, 2012 in Relationships

Answers (16)
  • You were completely in the right

    Answer by butterflyblue19 at 7:33 PM on May. 4, 2012

  • I think your sister is very immature and spiteful. It seems like you handled the situation the way I would have handled it. That woman had no right to act that way, especially at a funeral. She doesn't know boundaries and it's clear the company your sister keeps reflect on her. I wouldn't bother with the whole thing. All you can do is speak your peace and be done with it on your end. If she wants to keep it alive then that's her negativity keeping her down, not you. I'm sorry for your loss and this crappy situation.

    Answer by Bugzmomma at 7:36 PM on May. 4, 2012

  • Everyone was upset. The ex was completely disrespectful. You brother should have been the one to ask her to leave. Your sister however should side with the family. Everyone grieves differently, maybe that is the reason your sister still isn't talking to you. Hopefully she will come around soon.
    I'm sorry for your loss. My own mother's death destroyed me for many years...I'm still unable to talk about it.

    Answer by meooma at 7:42 PM on May. 4, 2012

  • you were right to do what you did.

    Answer by dullscissors at 7:50 PM on May. 4, 2012

  • You did the right thing. If your sister can't handle it, that isn't your problem.

    Answer by theMOMmission at 7:55 PM on May. 4, 2012

  • Your sister needs to get over herself and then perhaps get some new friends. I always feel that everyone should be welcome at a funeral, no matter how close or not close they were to the deceased as long as they can be respectful, this woman was using your mother's death to get try to get with a married man while he was vulnerable, there is nothing I can think of that would be more disrespectful. I am very sorry for your loss.

    Answer by loveMYkids5488 at 8:14 PM on May. 4, 2012

  • Also after you get a few more replies, I would print this post and the replies out and send it to your sister

    Answer by loveMYkids5488 at 8:15 PM on May. 4, 2012

  • I think your sister could have guided the ex away from your brother, since it was obvious that it was getting out of hand...

    Answer by GoodyBrook at 8:20 PM on May. 4, 2012

  • I think you were in the right. Maybe you need to ask your sister how she would feel if it had been her husband that an old girlfriend was hanging all over. Even on a good day that sort of behavior is out of line, but at a funeral it just abuses all common decency imo.

    Answer by Farmlady09 at 8:45 PM on May. 4, 2012

  • How sad that your sister can't understand that it's not about Amy, it's about your mom:( So sorry for your loss, and I think you did the right thing too.

    Answer by JackieGirl007 at 9:10 PM on May. 4, 2012

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