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Can someone help me with an out of control 8 year old?

I have an 8 year old daughter and 2 year old twin daughters. Since the twins were born we have had issues with my oldest. She always has issues with her clothes, they dont fit right, her underwear and socks send her into major temper tantrums because they don't fit right. It takes her almost an hour every day to get ready for school. After fighting with her about clothes then its on to the shoes, what she is going to have for breakfast. She refuses to listen, she is lying, sneaking food, constantly screaming if she doesnt get her way. I am tired of being told I am mean, that she hates me. I am afraid that her behavior is going to rub off on her little sisters. She has no respect for me at all. My husband tends to baby her and it just makes her feel like she has more power over me. I have tried everything from grounding, spanking, and most recently I packed up her whole room except for her bed. Suggestions?

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Asked by Anonymous at 2:23 PM on Jan. 27, 2009 in School-Age Kids (5-8)

Answers (6)
  • If its since the twins were born sounds like shes doing anything she can for attention. Kids will go after negative attn if they think theyll get it. You should try seeing if there are any things you can set up for her to do to win rewards and try spending one on one time like a day out once a week with just her. If you can get to her on those days out you might find out if theres something bothering her on a bigger scale.

    Answer by gemgem at 2:26 PM on Jan. 27, 2009

  • Well, I hate to tell you, but it sounds like she may be going thru a little early pre-puberty symptoms. I would definately talk to her Dr. about what is going on. Don't just blame it on her being a "brat".. seriously there could be more to it than that. I was alot like that when I was little. I don't really know what.... I do know that I never felt comfortable in anything, even my own skin. I was never happy with anything... I believe that I was under a lot of stress as a child, as there was alot of problems in my family... but I didn't know that and did not know how to deal with it. I know with my own girls, when they approached puberty, times got tough.. moody, never happy, emotional, etc....

    Answer by pupmom at 2:29 PM on Jan. 27, 2009

  • Has she always had issues with her clothing? My daughter has sensory issues and does the exact thing your daughter is doing. Everything from shirts to pants, socks and underwear. It's has been a bit better now that she's a little older but she still has issues. I just let her dress herself now. As long as she's clean and matches then I'm happy.

    As for the rest, you really need to put your foot down. Come up with some solid rules, maybe make up a chart. Then sit her down and tell her how it's going to be. Tell her what will happen when she is disrespectful or breaks rules. Reward and praise her when she does deserve it. Maybe set aside some time for just the two of you without her siblings around to make her feel special. Sometimes it's the little things that really make a difference.

    Good luck.

    Answer by InsanitySpeaks at 2:51 PM on Jan. 27, 2009

  • I agree with InsanitySpeaks. LOL, that sounds weird. :)
    Your daughter sounds like she has sensory issues. Take her to be evaluated by a Occupational Therapist. Google Sensory Integration Disorders. Even if she didn't used to be like this...she might have been but you dismissed it because she was littler and got away with more. (That is what we did.)

    Answer by SusieD250 at 3:00 PM on Jan. 27, 2009

  • Have you ever heard of the Belt!!! If she acting this way maybe you need to punish her by taking aways things. If she throws a fit about her clothes tell her tuff s**T wear them anyways and deal with it. If she say her underwear don't maybe she needs bigger pair. You need to show her who's the boss now before its too!

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:22 PM on Jan. 27, 2009

  • First you need to sit hubby down and tell him he needs to stop babying her and back you up. Make her pick out her clothes the night before and let her know there will be no changing her mind in the morning and if she throws a fit she can go to school naked. Do not give her a choice for breakfast, she will eat what you make or she can go to school hungry, you are doing the right thing by not giving into her.

    Answer by sammiesmom2000 at 6:25 PM on Jan. 27, 2009

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