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2 Bumps

Is it worth staying and working it out or should I call an end to it?

First of all, I love my husband. I do. It's not because I don't love him that I don't want to be married to him anymore, it's because I'm not happy with him. We have been having trouble for the last five years with our marriage. It's gotten better but it's still rocky. I feel like we are constantly arguing about trust and he constantly feels that he has to track my every move so I don't stray from him. (I strayed once, emotionally, after he started slipping away from me with his PTSD). I know that happiness is probably a selfish thing to want to have. I know that it's going to be hard on the kids (we have two) and I'm also terrified about whether or not I can make it on my own without him. But I haven't been happy for a long time. I know I don't make him happy either. He says I do, but if I made him happy he wouldn't constantly be worried about me or trying to fix me to be the better wife for him. He's improved to try to be a better husband for me, but he still falls back on not participating with anything. He doesn't engage with my feelings. He doesn't even realize how sad I have been these last couple of weeks. And when I try to talk to him about it he just tells me that the feelings I have aren't real. Maybe they're not real but they're causing a problem for me.

I need help! Advice!

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 2:40 PM on May. 5, 2012 in Relationships

Answers (8)
  • Once trust is broken the relationship is rarely repairable. You've already decided you don't want to be married to him anymore. You are unhappy, your marriage has been in trouble for five LONG LONG years...it's time to end it and find happiness on your own.
    meooma

    Answer by meooma at 6:33 PM on May. 5, 2012

  • Have you tried going to counseling yet?
    hopeandglory53

    Answer by hopeandglory53 at 2:47 PM on May. 5, 2012

  • From your story, I do not believe going your separate ways is the solution. I feel that you may have some issues with trust, coping, even confidence. You are married... that does not mean you both can't have your own lives. I do not believe that marriage makes you one joint person. Independence is crucial. You never know what lies just outside your own front door. You need to learn to live together, yes.. but also as individuals. I don't think it's a loss. I think you both need to work on things. Marriage does not make you happy... it does not even complete you... YOU do those things for yourself.
    m-avi

    Answer by m-avi at 2:52 PM on May. 5, 2012

  • If you've been trying to fix the marriage without counseling, time to call in the big guns. Go to counseling. He needs help with his trust issues, you need help in finding what made you happy.
    gdiamante

    Answer by gdiamante at 3:10 PM on May. 5, 2012

  • We've been to counseling. It doesn't work for us. We always end up fighting after the sessions and it only makes things worse.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 4:54 PM on May. 5, 2012

  • to counseling
    GlitteribonMom

    Answer by GlitteribonMom at 10:14 PM on May. 6, 2012

  • If you've been to counseling and it doesn't work, then the marriage is already dead. Time to move on.
    gdiamante

    Answer by gdiamante at 11:29 PM on May. 6, 2012

  • If you really love him, then you stay, and you work it out. But if you really want to leave because you're unhappy, don't lie to yourself and say that you love him.
    mummy1990

    Answer by mummy1990 at 2:48 PM on May. 8, 2012

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