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Questioning if i should enter the battle that is custody. I am 20 engaged expecting my second child, i have a son who i had when i was 17 his father and i were young and naive, and learned quickly it was not love - (( and fyi we used protection and was on bc this time around )) anyways, i graduated with hon ors, and will be going to college this fall, my sons father is 22 just graduated tech. college, has been around typically every other weekend, hes recently moved back home, he lives

in his parents basement (i have an apartment) he has lied on numerous occasions about taking my son when i find out that he actually dropped him off with his parents to go hang out with his girlfriend and friends (( of who do drugs )) i feel that i cannot trust him taking care of my child and that he is not a good father, he often cancels on taking him and is not reliable. I want my son to have a father, but i also know that he deserves more than his actual dad is giving him (( i'm just glad that he has an awesome step dad )) -- i know that although i'm young and have another child on the way that i am financially responsible he lives off of his parents, pays no rent buys no food, does not buy anything for our son __ is it worth the battle?

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Asked by amandapa at 10:13 PM on Jul. 20, 2008 in Relationships

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Answers (10)
  • Nope. He's free to leave his child with his parents to go hang out with his friends on his parenting time if that's what he wants to do. Doesn't matter if he doesn't exercise the visitation that he has. It's a right, not an obligation. While the court won't appreciate that he doesn't use it, it won't work against him either. Only time it would is if he were looking for more time. Unless you can prove - to the legal standard - that he is a threat to your child custody will not be changed. "I don't think he's a good dad" isn't good enough. If you look around on line you should be able to find the guidelines for your state that you have to meet in order to get sole custody. The courts aren't going to care that his parents are helping him. There's a good chance they'll see it as him having a support network in place for himself and the child.

    Answer by desert_diva at 10:24 PM on Jul. 20, 2008

  • He needs to grow up. But that could take a while. That's a tough one, still, because he is his father, and at least he's been in his life, even if he is unreliable at times. My ex husband has gone through his party stages, but I never tried to keep our boys from him. Currently, he is doing well, has a 15 month old girl and a great girlfriend. My fiance does more with my boys than he does, though. When they go to their dads, they might go to the drive in, visit friends or family, or to the batting cages. Usually they don't do anything. When I call them when they are there their dad is usually sleeping. My fiance has taught them to fish and hunt and spends hours just hanging out and playing games with them. They will remember how good their step dad was to them forever, but they will always love their dad.

    Answer by drowninginboys at 10:27 PM on Jul. 20, 2008

  • If he isn't working how is he paying child support? If he isn't that's what I'd be getting an order for as soon as I could.

    Answer by GrnEyedGrandma at 10:30 PM on Jul. 20, 2008

  • I am going through the same thing with my oldest which is 5 now. His dad did the same thing when Corbin was about 2. Now It is court ordered that he gets  him every other weekend. My son hates it. I would get a good laywer and take him back to court make them give him a drug test and when he misses his weeks write it down. Try everything you can, trust me. My son is in cousling now because of the way his dad is. We are now going back to court this coming Monday I should win and he will only have to go once a month etc. But yes I think it would be worth it.

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:45 PM on Jul. 20, 2008

  • Isn't it better that he drops the your son off with his parents rather than taking him to meet up with friends who do drugs.
    Even though you don't like the situation think positively, at least he isn't putting the your son in harms way or allowing him to see things he shouldn't. On the bright side of things, when he doesn't pick the him up for visitation you and his step-dad get more time with him.

    Answer by valiant_woman at 10:49 PM on Jul. 20, 2008

  • the only trouble with this situation is that i'm not sure he's not taking my child around these things! I text/call him to find out how my child is doing he tells me fine -- i then find out via his facebook that he was out drinking and was no where near our son -- he pays no child support, and has never once financially helped us out, he lets my son do as he pleases and is not willing to help with potty training or weaning my son from his nuk - i'm not sure what to do at this point, He is young i get that but for 2 years of our sons life he had excuse after excuse as to why he couldn't be around ... those excuses are no longer valid and he's still not around i'd rather him not be in my sons life at all then dissappear and reappear as he pleases

    Answer by amandapa at 11:07 PM on Jul. 20, 2008

  • 1. You either let him be a part of the child's life (visits) and expect child support
    2. You say forget this, and untie all ties.

    Answer by TXdanielly at 11:46 PM on Jul. 20, 2008

  • You need to be making him pay child support. If he is as much of a jerk as he sounds, you should set a vistation schedule. If he is abusing this, so be it. As long as his parents are taking good care of your child, then I don't see why they can't have the child.

    Answer by JJzMaMa87 at 12:29 AM on Jul. 21, 2008

  • YES it is worth the battle! This is your sons life you are talking about! Don't make your son suffer because of the stupid mistake you made when you were young. If his real dad isn't willing to straighten up for his son then he isn't willing to be a dad. Don't EVER leave your child with someone who you don't feel comfortable with. You will always regret making another mistake.

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:43 AM on Jul. 21, 2008

  • is it worth it? yes. your child is worht anything.
    are you wasting time and money? yep.
    you can't force him to come to the visits and he isn't abusive so the court really can't do anything.

    Answer by princezzmommie at 2:15 AM on Jul. 21, 2008

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