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5 Bumps

How would you gain the security you needed in your marriage?

I have been married 7 months and we were together 1 year before that.
We both have children from our previous marriage's including my 8 y/o daughter full time has his 9 y/o son every other week.
I have a few concerns and would like to get your opinions before I decide what to do, I was renting my home and when we were married I moved in my DH home(he owns it)
Did not see the need for a prenup at the time, however I am worried about my daughters stability as far as living in my DH home because three times in the past few months he has threatened to evict me and has told me to GTF out of his house.I called the court and there is a way he could evict me even though we are still married :(
I have been resentful ever since and I can't seem to let it go. I told him that I had more security when I was RENTING my previous house, than I do now being married to him.
He has talked about buying a house together which would be great bc then he could not hold the house over my head, and he also has an extremely large life insurance policy in which his children are the beneficiary, he has his son linked to his checking account and I am no.
Am I expecting to much??

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 11:49 AM on May. 8, 2012 in Relationships

Answers (11)
  • Honestly, I wouldn't marry him if I didn't feel secure. But from what you're describing, this is all about the house and eviction, which didn't come up until after you were married.

    To me, it's very simple. He gets mad, he threatens to kick you and your daughter out on the street. That's not love. That's control. "Do what I want, or you're homeless." Sorry, doesn't fly with me. I'd get my own place again and separate. If he didn't want a divorce, I'd demand counseling to get past his issues. Otherwise, I'd start working on divorce. I would not be married to someone who's willing to threaten me and my children with homelessness if I don't do what he wants and he gets mad.
    wendythewriter

    Answer by wendythewriter at 11:54 AM on May. 8, 2012

  • Threatening to throw you and your child out on the street is just wrong. Its supposed to be your home, your shelter and so is he. I think you should see a marriage counselor, he has issues. I would not feel secure in your marriage either.

    Farrahann

    Answer by Farrahann at 11:54 AM on May. 8, 2012

  • ... Totally agree with wendy on the control factor.
    Farrahann

    Answer by Farrahann at 11:55 AM on May. 8, 2012

  • Wait wait wait..... your HUSBAND is threatening to EVICT YOU from his house and you think YOU are expecting too much?

    I'm sorry, but it sounds like you should expect a little MORE from your husband... like respect and equality in your relationship. This whole situation sounds unhealthy
    Between2Rams

    Answer by Between2Rams at 11:58 AM on May. 8, 2012

  • I thought unless otherwise legally specified before, a house became marital property. I bought a house by myself. then got married. When we sold it, we both were required to sign everything because it was joint marital property.

    My general philosophy is when you get married, you go all in. no safety net. otherwise, why are you commiting yourself to this person? What I would expect is that both partners are full partners in all assets, the house, vehicles, bank accounts, etc. I would expect that I be at least part benificiary of the life insurance. I wouldn't have a problem with a trust being developed for OUR children from that life insurance policy.

    there is a lack of trust between you two. i see two options. 1. find a way to build the trust now, or 2. cut your losses and find someone who loves you. I vote for option 2. he is already verbally abusive toward you. the money is just another form of abuse.
    zetajen

    Answer by zetajen at 12:02 PM on May. 8, 2012

  • I agree with all the posters above. I could never feel secure in a marriage like this - it doesn't even sound like marriage. Sorry you had to find out he had this dark side after taking your vows. If you can, try to talk to him about the way you feel and see if it changes. If not, I'd start talking to a lawyer.
    kathyartist2007

    Answer by kathyartist2007 at 12:03 PM on May. 8, 2012

  • This isn't a marriage. You won't get security here, sorry.
    gdiamante

    Answer by gdiamante at 12:37 PM on May. 8, 2012

  • Sounds like you put you and your child in a corner. Sense the house was bought before you married him. It is his property not yours. You are right, unless you can convince him to sell and buy a new house. He has the upper hand.


    I personally would not stay with a man who threatens to kick me out. Just because he get mad at you.

    louise2

    Answer by louise2 at 12:56 PM on May. 8, 2012

  • Sadly it does not sounds much like a marriage.
    Melbornj

    Answer by Melbornj at 1:27 PM on May. 8, 2012

  • I would already be gone. This is so unhealthy for you and your daughter. No way would I put up with that BS.
    iwicked

    Answer by iwicked at 1:38 PM on May. 8, 2012

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