Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

I have a friend who has helped me thru all the rough spots.

I have been legally separated for three years but everytime I try to get my hopefully ex husband to move out it never happens. I lost my chance at love and am dealing with it. However, I have been leaning on my friend for moral support, sexual support, etc. I love him to death but I don't want to be with him or hurt him. He started calling me isSO. I am not ready for that.

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 11:15 PM on Jul. 20, 2008 in Relationships

Answers (9)
  • Do you and your husband agree that you will stay in the house? If not, see abut a new place...

    Answer by TXdanielly at 11:30 PM on Jul. 20, 2008

  • There's a really good chance that it's already too late to not hurt him. He's 'there', and you're not. You have to talk to him and get things straight or it's only going to get worse for both of you. It sucks, and it's hard...but it's better to do it now.

    If your stb ex(No hopefully, you can make it happen) won't move, can you? Sounds like he's controlling the situation in a passive agressive manner. If you could move out it would get you back in charge of your life.

    Answer by desert_diva at 11:57 PM on Jul. 20, 2008

  • He controls the money in 13 years of marriage I have never have been on the bank accounts or had a credit card. In fact since I stopped working he said, He is thinking of selling my car and turning off my phone making me more alone and secluded from family and friends.
    I stay here since I don't want my son to loose therapy otherwise I would have moved home with my family. He is verbally abusive and controls everything in this house.As for my friend he has given me money when my soon to be ex has been short for rent, or if I need money for a present. Ive known him my whole life he is a good guy who has never been married. Its a crazy life...

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:02 AM on Jul. 21, 2008

  • I am trying to get a job right now and when I do...I am going to move with bad credit because he has never paid my bills that are in my name and no money saved because when I worked last year. I tried to open a second bank account and he told me I was stealing from him. So I gave him the money so he wouldn't constantly ride me. As for my friend he is one of my brothers best friends. I've known him since I was 9 and he was 25. I just thought it be safe to be with him sexually because I havent been intimate with my husband for three years and I didn't want to get hurt. However, my friend loves me and I love him just not like that.

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:11 AM on Jul. 21, 2008

  • Is it your stb ex's insurance that covers your son's therapy? If it is, your son will continue to be covered even when you divorce. The courts won't let your ex drop your son from his insurance, especially if you don't have any.

    If your ex can't afford a lawyer, you can handle filing for emergency temporary custody of your son and child support yourself. If he can, it could get a bit trickier and you should check with local women's shelters about how to get help getting your own lawyer.


    Answer by desert_diva at 12:21 AM on Jul. 21, 2008

  • Check with your local Housing Authority. I know here they have several different levels of assitance. From free housing to vouchers to help cover rent. You may be able to get bumped to the top of the waiting list.

    Answer by desert_diva at 12:23 AM on Jul. 21, 2008

  • Thank you I feel like a horrible person stealing happiness where I can get it and my family is like just move home you cant take care of your son if you cant take care of yourself. Since, I have no insurance and three other children who are normal Its hard to take away from any of them. I don't even have a mailbox key. He gets my mail first. I never reallized he was abusive until everyone is like you have lived without money for thirteen years he calls you names. He makes you hand over your whole pay check you clean the house etc. Plus, what hurts me the most is when my mom comes to see me he continues to talk to me like that. Also, I made 56,000 last year I owe my student loan and Kohls 500 dollars and he hasnt paid it so I have bad credit.

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:11 AM on Jul. 21, 2008

  • Happy to help. Call your student loan company and see if you can work something out. They may offer you a payment plan to get back on track and a deferment so you don't have to start paying until you're back on your feet. Then that bad credit reference will become a good one after a few months of payment.

    There are tons of resources and solutions available to you. The hard part is figuring out where you start.

    You shouldn't have to steal happiness. It should be a part of your day, every day.

    While I've never been in your situation myself, my mom spent one Thanksgiving in her car with two kids. She'd left her abusive huband and went to her mom. Her mom told her to go home because 'she made her bed, now she needed to lye in it'. My mom got through it, and made a very happy life for herself and us. You can do it too!

    Answer by desert_diva at 11:04 AM on Jul. 21, 2008

  • thanks...

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:52 PM on Jul. 21, 2008

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.