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How do I make my mom stop asking me to call my dad?

It's a long story but I am not talking to my dad. I decided in Oct. After he called me and went off about many things that I wasn't going to talk to him until he can finally say sorry and that he wants to make things different. We've always had a shaky relationship but he's gotton worst. I just can't continue to cry about things I can't control. I still am sad about not being able to have a decent relationship with my father, but I've realized that having no relationship is better than having a good one. SO how can I finally get my mother to understand that I don't want her to keep pressuring me to call? SHe says she doesn't want to pick sides. I never asked her too. I told her she shouldn't, but she clearly picked his side even when he's wrong. So I need her to stop. What would you do?

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SylviaNCali

Asked by SylviaNCali at 9:16 PM on Jan. 27, 2009 in Relationships

Level 17 (4,558 Credits)
Answers (10)
  • i would tell her that you will call him when you are ready to talk to him. end of discussion
    SThompson21

    Answer by SThompson21 at 9:18 PM on Jan. 27, 2009

  • I understand where you are coming from. It's especially hard when well meaning people want us to continue to expose ourselves to toxic people. As if life is a fairy tale that will always end with a happily ever after. Unfortunately in the real world it sometimes means cutting certain people out of our lives. You have to make your own choices in this instance and do what you feel is best for you.
    jaimie175

    Answer by jaimie175 at 9:23 PM on Jan. 27, 2009

  • You need to just come out and flat out say, I will not call dad, period. Do not keep trying to make me call him. I have not asked you to choose sides and I won't, but stop pressuring me. I don't appreciate it and that's the end of the discussion. I will not talk about this with you again. It is between me and my father.
    feesharose

    Answer by feesharose at 9:28 PM on Jan. 27, 2009

  • I agree with the first poster. Tell her you will call when you are ready and ask her to respect your decision.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 9:48 PM on Jan. 27, 2009

  • Wow thanks ladies so far I've loved all of the answers given to me.
    SylviaNCali

    Answer by SylviaNCali at 10:06 PM on Jan. 27, 2009

  • I would tell my mother that my relationship with my father is between me and him. I understand her concern but I will not discuss it. I do not even want her to bring it up again. If she does, I will discontinue my conversation with her every time. Then, I would do it. I hope you do not end up barely talking to her, but that will be her choice. At some point, we have to set boundries to be happy with our lives. You have done that with your father. It sounds like a healthy choice that your mother may never understand.
    happi-ladi

    Answer by happi-ladi at 10:12 PM on Jan. 27, 2009

  • Call your father and stop forcing her to choose.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:05 AM on Jan. 28, 2009

  • I have been there!! My dad didn't get involved in my life until I was 17, now my mom expects me to treat him like father of the year. I don't mind visiting and talking to him but it annoys me when she keeps sayin you better call your dad, you better go visit your dad. He has my number and he knows where I live. If he wants to talk he can call, if he wants to visit he can come visit. Why should I always be the one to go out of my way to see him? Every time I visit anyway all he talks about is how I never visit!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:35 PM on Jan. 28, 2009

  • To Anon who said "Call your father and stop forcing her to choose." Why would you feel I should call my father when he went off on me over the phone and has did so much in the past? Is it my job to call him everytime he insults me? When is it time for him to call and fix the messes he continously creates? I'm not forcing my mom to choose. she makes it her issue by bringing it up when I haven't at all.
    SylviaNCali

    Answer by SylviaNCali at 5:23 PM on Jan. 29, 2009

  • To 2nd Anon. Thats exactly how I feel. My dad is retired so if he wants to call he has all day and half the night to reach out. I'm here all day. and night I honestly don't call because I don't want to at this point, So it is annoying having my mom constantly asking me to call when she knows I'm the type to do what I want on my own terms. I don't need coaching. He did me wrong though and now that he's hit hard times physically a month after I should suck it up? No way it isn't going to happen. I think people should learn to treat those they claim to love right so that they can be there genuienly for them in their time of need.

    SylviaNCali

    Answer by SylviaNCali at 5:29 PM on Jan. 29, 2009

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