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3 Bumps

Ex's wife buying my son toys I don't approve of

My ex's wife bought my son a toy I don't approve of. I told her that I don't approve of that kind of toy and that while I understand that if my ex oks it, she can buy him whatever they want at my ex's home but don't send it home with him. I told her if they are send home with him again, I will through them away (my son doesn't even like them anyway). Well, the next time my son went over, he came home with another one of those toys. I threw it away and I called her and told her. I did buy my son a replacement toy that I approve of. She says I am disparaging her and my ex's relationship with my son (first of all there is nothing in the court order about disparaging the relationship with her, only my ex, second I feel that since it's my home, I should decide what goes in it). What do you think?

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 7:46 AM on May. 11, 2012 in General Parenting

Answers (23)
  • You told her it would be thrown away if it came home. There was no need to call her and tell her. There's no need to talk to her. You should be talking to your ex if there are issues. If the issues involve his wife, then HE should be the one to talk to her, not you. As far as her not knowing if you didn't tell her, again, you should be talking to your ex.

    And the comment about "nothing in the court order about disparaging her", honestly, you sound pretty spiteful with that. Just because there's no court order that says you should show her some respect and courtesy doesn't mean you shouldn't do it. You expect her to respect you without a court order (hence the whole issue with the toy to begin with), so why shouldn't you do the same?
    wendythewriter

    Answer by wendythewriter at 8:27 AM on May. 11, 2012

  • I think you should be happy that you have an ex who is married to someone who cares about your kid, I am curious what was the toy? I think you should just leave it in his bag or put it up and send it back, why go looking for a fight when there isn't one to be had?
    kimigogo

    Answer by kimigogo at 8:37 AM on May. 11, 2012

  • You are looking for drama. Unless the toy is not age appropriate you do understand in time your child is going to start hating you for doing this? You are making a small issue a larger one when that isnt something that needs to happen. You should appreciate he has both you and his dad and someone else who loves him. I cant stand my ex or his wife (wives hes had) but a couple of then were well meaning, and now we have a psycho one to deal with. Id love to have a step mom in my kids life who cared enough to buy them something.
    gemgem

    Answer by gemgem at 8:45 AM on May. 11, 2012

  • Lzsarejman, how is not allowing my son to have a toy in MY HOME that I don't approve of making her life Hell? I was not saying that because I feel I SHOULD disparage her, just that she doesn't have the LEGAL right to do anything if I do.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 9:09 AM on May. 11, 2012

  • The toys were wigi boards and taro cards, I know she thinks they are just play but I take that stuff seriously.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 9:10 AM on May. 11, 2012

  • You never throw those away! Never!
    PMSMom10

    Answer by PMSMom10 at 9:15 AM on May. 11, 2012

  • How old is your child?
    kimigogo

    Answer by kimigogo at 9:35 AM on May. 11, 2012

  • You've made it abundantly clear she has no legal right to anything. But just know it will get worse if you don't release the iron grip of possessiveness.

    If you said they were ouija boards and tarot cards at the beginning it might have been an easier way to empathize with you. Those things are creepy. If I had a dime for every SM/BM who have similar stories over the years of making it sound like they are one upping the other I could buy this site.

    Best thing to do would be to tell your ex it's great they are getting toys and stuff but have a list of accepted and unaccepted things. Communication is key and not possessiveness or the technicalities of a court document. That shouldn't be the standard of sensible parenting.
    Izsarejman

    Answer by Izsarejman at 9:36 AM on May. 11, 2012

  • I am still confused why you didn't put what she had purchased in your original question, I am suprised that anyone who knows about tarot and ouija boards would buy them for a child, and kind of don't believe it.
    kimigogo

    Answer by kimigogo at 9:58 AM on May. 11, 2012

  • I wouldn't tolerate a wigi board or taro cards either, but a call to your ex asking why after we already discussed this did Johny come home with a wigi board and taro cards? would have been approapriate. No involvement of the wife. No keeping the crap in your house to send back. No replacement of the items. Just done. Without the drama.
    LoveMyDog

    Answer by LoveMyDog at 10:04 AM on May. 11, 2012

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