Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Have you ever had someone ask a question about you keeping your adopted child when you find out there is or may be something medically wrong with them? Like they are returnable?

So because of my child's Birth-Mom's history my child needed to have HIV tests done. She was having them done every few months until about 18 months old or so. I remember when she went in for one of them a friend of mine asked "Well what are you gonna do if she has AIDS?' I said "I'll have an HIV Positive child, what do you mean?" She then asked if I would give her back? A year or so after she asked me this her son (birth son) was diagnosised with Autisim and it took all the strength I had to NOT ask her if SHE was gonna give him back?

Answer Question
 
adoptivem0mmyx2

Asked by adoptivem0mmyx2 at 12:09 AM on Jan. 28, 2009 in Adoption

Level 1 (0 Credits)
Answers (11)
  • Im glad you were grown up not to ask her. She sounds very immature!! You love your daughter no matter what, and that is all that matters!! Just like she will love her son no matter what!

    If you dont mind me asking how is your DD?
    Mikayla_lynn

    Answer by Mikayla_lynn at 12:14 AM on Jan. 28, 2009

  • When you give birth to a child, you dont get a choice of whether you get a "healthy" one or not. To me adoption is the same thing. You get a child, you dont get to "pick and choose" to get a "perfect" one.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:14 AM on Jan. 28, 2009

  • In high school, I had a friend who was overly-preoccupied about being a wonderful wife and mother some day. One day, during an unnecessarily neurotic conversation she confided in us that she was terrified of being one of those women who couldn't bear children. Someone attempted to console her that she could always adopt. Without thinking first, as usual, she blurted out "how in the world could you ever truly love a child that you didn't give birth to yourself?" Uh, duh. I'm sitting right there and I'm adopted and she knew that. She was embarrassed needless to say. A lot of people who haven't experienced adoption have a strange curiosity about it and tend to have little "Freudian slips" letting you know just how much they don't understand adoption. I ignore them. My mom is my mom just as if she had given birth to me herself. I don't think coming out of her vagina would make me love her any more or less.

    NovemberLove

    Answer by NovemberLove at 12:29 AM on Jan. 28, 2009

  • Youre right and Im glad you turned the other cheek. You love them either way. I had a friend who was going to adopt and one day out of the blue she said I took him back he is too bad with too many issues. I said wow are you serious thats because he needs attention and love and to get out of what hes been exposed to. Some people just think you can keep choicing as if one will finally be perfect.
    VaDivaMom

    Answer by VaDivaMom at 1:01 AM on Jan. 28, 2009

  • Good self-control! I'm not sure what I would have done in that situation. One of my daughters has been in therapy since 6months old do to her Bmom exposing her to drugs while pregnant. While she is a healthy happy child now, there was a time when we weren't sure what would happen. I never thought to 'give her back'! Why in the world would someone think you would just give a child back just because they have issues? Anyone see Private Practice last week? They had a storyline almost exactly like this on there!!
    LizClara

    Answer by LizClara at 2:03 AM on Jan. 28, 2009

  • I've also had people say thing like "I feel bad that you can't hvae REAL kids" as if mine are fake. I know what they are getting at but how stupid can you be? To some people it is obvious that our children are adopted (we don't really look alike) and they will ask me "so you can't have kids?" I always say "I can have kids I just couldn't get pregnant" They always feel really dumb when I say that but I say it to make them think twice about what they say to people. I would never ask someone something like that. I also wonder why people think it's okay to ask questions surrouding our children's birth-parents? And they ask such things in front of my children. I have people ask me a lot too why my kids are so dark?
    adoptivem0mmyx2

    Answer by adoptivem0mmyx2 at 6:46 PM on Jan. 28, 2009

  • People are just crazy.
    I had a friend who was adopting for Russia. They were chosen for a little boy and were waiting for paperwork to travel. Lo and behold, she got pg. So many people asked if they were not going to Russia to get the orphan. It was crazy. She was like he was ours as soon as we said yes!!
    luckyshamrock

    Answer by luckyshamrock at 8:37 PM on Jan. 28, 2009

  • Just when you think you've heard it all someone will say something so awful in front of an adoptee it just blows your mind. My aunt and uncle adopted my cousin. Recently she was found by and reunited with her birth mother. My uncle said "she didn't want her when she was born......." in front of HIS OWN DAUGHTER! Amazing.
    NovemberLove is right. It's plain ignorance of adoption emotions.
    onethentwins

    Answer by onethentwins at 9:09 PM on Jan. 28, 2009

  • Wow I had this happen to me tonight and that's why I joined cafemom looking for some peace. I was really hurt. What makes it worse is the one who hurt me was a mother who was adopted herself and had a HORRIBLE mom (in my opinion). She admitted to never being attached to her but she often refers to me as "not Austin's biological mom! " She has made a reference that I couldn't possibly feel the same about Austin as she does about her "biological daughter." "It's just not the same!" Well, I guess that could be true BUT I would cut off any part of body to save my child from one speck of hurt! I love him unconditionally regardless of any disabilities. I'm there for him to kiss him goodnight, to pray with him, to hold his head when he is sick, to wake up many hours every night, to worry over a cough, a cold, or an ear ache, and most importantly I LOVE HIM MORE than myself! I AM HIS MOM!!!! Thank you Nov.love for your answer
    imtheluckyone

    Answer by imtheluckyone at 1:03 AM on Feb. 1, 2009

  • it's plain ignorance and stupidity!
    imtheluckyone

    Answer by imtheluckyone at 1:48 AM on Feb. 1, 2009

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.