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How can I explain/describe to my husband what it's like physically/mentally being the mom of twins AND 8 months pregnant?

My husband and I have been arguing a lot lately and now he is talking about splitting up. I have tried everything to make him understand the stress I am under and to gain his encouragement and support. A little help would be nice. The sum of his help is to work. And in his defense, he does work hard to provide for us and puts in long hours. Yet, he STILL gets more rest than I. I can be sick, vomiting and weak, and he does NOTHING to help. Yet, I am expected to take care of him for a minor ailment regardless of how bad I feel. He does nothing in the care of the twins (they are 2 1/2). Occassionally, he will assist them in picking up their toys. I take care of the bills, house, shopping, laundry, etc., etc. And it hurts my pride to have to ask for help. I really think he should offer. And then when I do ask, I STILL don't get it. I am so upset and this can't be good for the baby. How can he even talking of leaving

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stace2

Asked by stace2 at 2:16 AM on Jan. 28, 2009 in Relationships

Level 1 (0 Credits)
Answers (14)
  • Unfortunately you can't. Men will never get it. Best I can suggest and leave the house for a day and leave him to do everything YOU have to do on a daily basis (except for the dealing with being pregnant part..) Hopefully after a while he will at least become more understanding of your situation. Good luck.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:21 AM on Jan. 28, 2009

  • Sit down by yourself and think about how you can say everything you want to, and kinda make out a game plan for what you want to tell him, then wait until you guys have some alone time and take him aside and tell him that you guys need to talk with out fighting you just have to get some things off your chest, and you want to tell him how you have been feeling , that has always worked for me

    hautemama83

    Answer by hautemama83 at 2:24 AM on Jan. 28, 2009

  • don't tell him crap. tell your doc that you need a bed rest order right away lol. see what he thinks then.
    sweetdarm

    Answer by sweetdarm at 2:30 AM on Jan. 28, 2009

  • Thanks, I really like the bed rest idea! I was talking to my sil earlier telling her that as sad as it is, I am looking forward to my hospital stay after the new baby comes--maybe then I will get a little rest!
    stace2

    Answer by stace2 at 2:46 AM on Jan. 28, 2009

  • LOL Stace2 ^ I Feel Ya

    I Had 2 Under 2 And Was Pregnant, My Ex Did Nothing...I LOVED My Hospital Stay.

    I Always Want Them To Keep Me Longer!!!!
    Kari_Noelle

    Answer by Kari_Noelle at 4:17 AM on Jan. 28, 2009

  • I would have the doctor order bed rest for a few days, my husband was the same way until I got put on bed rest and it opened his eyes, he helps out all the time now.
    sammiesmom2000

    Answer by sammiesmom2000 at 6:09 AM on Jan. 28, 2009

  • get bedrest or leave him with the kids while he's feeling crappy, sure he'll get mad but then you can say "see, this is just a taste of what i go through"
    chyna_doll

    Answer by chyna_doll at 6:58 AM on Jan. 28, 2009

  • Get past your pride issue. Mabye he is waiting for you to ask for help. Its not like he can't see you need help but maybe he really wants you to verbalize it. Just tell him...sorry if this sound weak, but I seriously need help because I can't do this by myself. I have got to rest. Splitting up won't help you or him and it certainly won't help your kids. Don't play mind games with him and expect him to just offer or know what you think. Say what you mean and mean what you say. Men are straight forward kind of people. They don't play games. Good luck.
    momofsaee

    Answer by momofsaee at 8:41 AM on Jan. 28, 2009

  • A man cannot feel with you in the way you want, simply because he is a man. He is different from you. I wonder how often you tell him how much you appreciate his hard work and thank him for making it possible for you to stay home. I wonder if you greet him at the door when he comes home with a smile and a kiss that says you are glad to see him. If you want him to help you, you will not only have to ask him, but you will also have to show him what to do and how to do it. Too many women make the mistake of assuming that men know just as much about housework and childcare as they do. It's not true. Men are men, Women are women. They can learn, but they have to be lovingly and patiently taught. Constant complaining is a big turn-off to most men. Praise works wonder.
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 9:21 AM on Jan. 28, 2009

  • Get a girlfriend to go with, (if she has a kid or two, even better) tell your husband you are going to be gone all day, shopping or whatever, just so long as you are NOT REACHABLE. Leave him to watch the kids, and stay gone several hours--at least 6, the longer the better. Have fun and come home rested and happy, and praise him for whatever he has done in taking care of the kids, cleaning the house, etc. Let him have a taste of what you do all day and you will be amazed at how helpful he is in the future. An hour or two won't do it, he has to at least feed them and change diapers, and so on, thus the 6 hr minimum.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:57 AM on Jan. 28, 2009

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